"I Can't Come In To Work Today Because..."

there is a really good magician on tv.

 

My Pimp says I can earn more if I lay on my back during the day!

 

Its so much easier to burglurize my neighbors during the day when THEY are at work.

 

I broke a nail!

 

cant work, eating.

 

I'm doing 5 to 10 years upstate

 

I am in the middle of a very involved satanic ritual.

 

I'm downloading music for my mother

 

I have a job interview at a company that doesn't suck.

 

The human heart needs rest. Which means taking a break from work. And we need this muscle for 70-80-90 years... Otherwise... I won't be able to do much for you if anything at all in the future.

 

...I can't pull myself away from myself's gallery.

 

my hand is caught in the vending machine...again....

 

I have a bishop stuck in my nose.

 

I'm watching Hee Haw ​

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because syrup is better than jelly on waffles.

 

Aw du hu hu hude! Come over and try this weed, you won't go back to work either.

 

I forgot how to get to work.

 

I am pregaming for shark week on DiscoveryChannel.

 

I have to drive my egg to the airport.

 

today is the last day i can use my coupons