"I Can't Come In To Work Today Because..."

I took my viagra orally and now I have got a stiff neck!

 

I just remember I was going to tell you "I quit" ​

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Hurt myself playing chess.

 

Forgot to set my alarm clock... oops. ​

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I am just plain calling in stupid.

 

I was abducted by aliens last night ​

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horse thiefs stole my horsie.....

 

my ear is caught in the door.

 

the sun is too bright

 

I'm a cereal killer, and the corn hasn't flaked yet!

 

There's an elf caught in my fan belt.

 

i forgot to wash the dishes last night..

 

"One life to live" is on.

 

I od'd on Viagra and the damn thing just won't go down.

 

stuck in an elevator...same reason as above.......

 

I just got DDR and now I'm addicted.

 

someone stole my tires, truck is up on cinderblocks......

 

Someone borrowed my cinder blocks and I await their return. I was left a set of matching tires as rental... and I'm too busy selling them on ebay to be bothered with work anyway...

 

I am ina bidding war on ebay for some slightly used cinderbocks.

 

...i'm still too damn high to get out of bed