"I Can't Come In To Work Today Because..."

I am married to indian~summer, and must do the deed so that we'll have curtains.

 

The View is on!!! I couldn't possibly go to work and miss it!!! ​

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There is a scary dog roaming my town, I cant risk it.

 

There is a werewolf living in my car.. I'm afraid to go near it. ​

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The lawn jockies are staring at me.

 

The gnomes in the yard have come alive!!! ​

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I took some viagra this morning, and I don't want to waste it on the "Pricks" at work

 

I want to watch cartoons! ​

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The Coyote has finally caught the Road Runner and I want to see what ACME product he is going to use to cook him.

 

My mouse gave birth ​

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Its hump day, and all I want to do is hump!

 

I have to go buy some weed from my dealer. ​

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The scar from where they cut my other head off is hurting.

 

I accidentally stapled my hand to my forehead.

 

I had an accident with the garbage disposal. ​

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My mum said I look sick.

 

I just sprained my ankle... oops.​

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I've taken 2 aspirin with a drink of coke and I've started buzzing out!

 

I am feeling out of sorts.. *cough cough* ​

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I've got this huge boil on the inside of my........beeeeeeeeeep