"I Can't Come In To Work Today Because..."

my phone isn't working, and i have to stay in to fix it.

 

all day Andy Griffith marathon goin on......

 

I forgot where I parked my car. ​

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some shroomed out upright bass thumping stoned monkey have duct taped my entire house shut.

 

Huge tarantulas have surrounded my house, and I'm afraid to go outside. ​

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Godzilla stepped on my car

 

The Jehovah's Witnesses came over!​

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I am kinda holding 14 people hpstage at a bank right now, but if this all works out, I'll be in Friday.

 

My psychic has forbidden me from doing any activities today. ​

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My eyes are glued shut, and I cannot drive.

 

was fired

 

I just remember that I hate working​

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because your the man, and I can no longer work for the man.

 

There are aliens in my cornfield.. and I park my car in the cornfield. ​

 

I am busy convincing someone I am an alien and in her cornfield.

 

^^LOL!

My Great-Great-Great-Great Grandpa came over to visit me ​

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I gotta watch the presidential debates.......

 

I am no longer able to breathe on my own ​

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I spent my gas money on herb and it's too far to walk.

 

because i'm a woman and women don't belong in the work place, therefore instead of coming into work today i've decided to stay at home, fuck my husband and bake a pie whilst finishing sewing the curtains for the dinning room