"I Can't Come In To Work Today Because..."

wife left me, took the car...

 

I have vision trouble. Just can't see coming in...

 

I am too busy doing your daughter

 

watchin the grass grow......

 

I am locked in a casket, I think they are burying me....

 

I've fallen..... and I can't get up.......

 

I got beans in my kidneys

 

the sheets are holding me for ransom.

 

I have to change my depends..... :-(

 

I am itchy. So very, very itchy.

 

my pet fleas died.

 

the house accross the street is on fire, I'm tryin to help put it out with the garden hose......

 

I'm in line at walmart, they are Wii's in later this evening.

 

I want to get more sleep.. ​

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I'm on the line with a telemarketer, and I want to see how long it takes until they give up.

 

I have to take a flea bath.....

 

Hey...F***face,

Yeah You, Butt Plug.!!!.....Guess This Is Gunna Come As A Shock To A Pathetic Little Asswipe Like Yourself..............But Guess What Sunshine ????.......Your Sad Little Downtrodden...Kicked In The Guts.....Walked Over......Underpaid......Grovelling Employee...JUST WON 22 Million Dollars In The Jackpot Lottery Draw.!!!!!!!!!!

May I Humbly Suggest You Take Your Job And....??? Then Very Quickly Consult A Specialist Proctologist....All In The Best Interests Of Your Health....Of Course.

Your Faithful Employee For The Past 20 Years,

With Sincere Best Wishes,

Glen.

 

my foot is caught in the toilet

 

its Saturday.....

 

my car has melted