"I Can't Come In To Work Today Because..."

i *must* stay home, i can't tell you *now*. ok bye.

 

I'm having the golf ball extracted.

 

im watching tha golf ball be extracted..
damn...

 

The mistress will not allow it. Must keep the mistress happy.

 

ninja killed my family, and i'm hunting him down to kill him back

 

because I'm blowing up the office.

 

I found a map with an X on it, must find treasure.

 

i gotta shoot ya straight boss. I'm an alcoholic, And i have to get off theis terrible stuff. i'll be in in a week. Reward: a week to dick around. Then a new found respect from your boss for conquering such a demon and it lowers the bar as for the quality of ur work. Just make sure u have loads of shame in your eyes when u come back in though, but a glimmer of hope. It takes practice, but u got a whole week. they might even give u paid leave.


in vino veritas

 

cant come into work, the clowns will eat me.

 

I'm surrounded by shovels and each time I try to take a step towards the office one of them smacks me in the forehead.

 

Haha...that was one of my favorites Pricecheck...gave me a real chuckle.

 

fire ants bit my dick

 

depends on how many time's you've done that and how tired of it they've gotten. eventually they get someone else. sometimes that someone else has been me. yes, i've gotten several jobs directly as a replacement for just that scenario!

(i do love the picture though. in vino veritas indeed! got a good laugh out of it. and i HAVE eaten in enough soup lines to appreciate the concept.)

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i can't make it today because the town where i used to work just got nuked. so i don't know who i'm making this excuse to, a ghost maybe?

=^^=
.../\...

 

I was the Sup. of the Dept. I was in. One of my guys kept calling in with lame excuses. My Boss came through the same time every morn. I called at that time and had my assistant let my boss know I had been bitten by a bat, got paralyzed and had to get myself to a Hospital, but I would be in tomorrow. The lame excuse guy was standing right there. He quit the next week.

 

I used this one today.

Supervisor: Hi Joe, are you coming in today?

Me(in bed half asleep): Uhh yeah, shit sorry Brian iv slept in.

Supervisor: haha no worries, i will see you in a min

2 hours later..

Supervisor: hey, Joe thats some lay in isnt it. are you coming in?

Me (still in bed): Right! yep im just getting my stuff ready, see you in a bit.

1 hour later I send a text saying, somethings come up. I will be in tomorrow.

think i got away with it? lmao lucky he dosent give a shit this week (not much to do anyway)

 

I have accidentally cemented myself into a harbor piling.

 

i cant my wifes pregnant

 

in 4th grade i told my teacher that my brother got into a car accident and I needed to stay with him so I couldnt do my homework....didnt do any hw for a month...i look back at that now and frown....


recently ive used...My cousin got the cotton from the cotton swab lodged in his ear and his parents arent home so I have to take him to the hospital...when calling out of work...i find that the more tragic and random the more believable....lol

 

because I am having sexual relations with your wife. Has anyone used that?

 

I am chained to the stove.