"I Can't Come In To Work Today Because..."

My cock got stuck in your daughter

 

my sister needs the morning after pill and she's too embarassed to buy it herself so...

 

My cock got stuck in my sister.

 

I'm handcuffed to the bed and your wife has the keys

 

Libertine taped me to a statue of Elvis

 

...I'm helping this guy from an online forum, Libertine, unstick himself from your daughter's pony.

 

I am getting a species change operation and I am currently half dolphin.

 

im outta state and my probation officer caught me. (

 

I have a case of the 24 hour leprosy bug

 

I have wanker's cramp and can't turn the key in my motorcycle

 

Theres a barber shop quartet holding me and my family hostage

 

we're having my sister exorcised today

 

My mistress has lost the keys to the handcuffs

 

i was frying on dxm and i yawned so hard my jaw dislocated

 

I have an oar stuck up my Ganges

 

my friend is burying her dog.

 

my house is surrounded by SWAT teams

 

I found a kilo of coke and I'm kinda busy right now.

 

Because I think the odor is causing my hair to fall out

 

I just bought a gallon of ice-cream and there's been a power-cut so I've gotta eat it.