"I Can't Come In To Work Today Because..."

...and my spelling is bad

 

Yesterday I felt a twinge while I was at work and when I woke up I realized that I pulled my groin and it stiffened up overnight, so I can hardly walk, let alone work.

 

I've ran out of sick leave so im now phoning in dead

 

l'm just not telling you why..

 

cuz it looks like it might rain.....

 

cause l'm hiding out from you today..

 

Call the office to report an illness,only to be told "You don't sound very sick."Your reply is "Hey! I'm fucking my sister. Is that sick enough for you?"

 

I went to visit my molesting father yesterday, and I cant sit by the desk right now.

 

I have internal leprosy. *HACK HACK HACK* Yup, there's my liver...

 

A Grandmother's baggy vagina was flapping violently in the wind and her elongated vagina piercing smacked me in the face on my way into work today and it gave me a black eye.

 

I'm on a date with Jack Daniels..

 

Barry, the guy at the car wash, says my moon is in the wrong spot, and if I leave my bedroom, fat people will try to suck my dick.

 

work will be blown away in 2 mins..

 

because the music they constantly play says nothing to me about my life.

 

My dog told me not to come in today and my cat thinks you're a crazy asshole. The bird though, was strangely silent...but I think she'd agree with the dog.

 

I'm chasing a large wheel of cheese down a mountain.

 

because I have recently been hired to replace Sebastian Bach (formerly of Skid Row) in the traveling road show "Jesus Christ Super Star"

 

because I can't will myself to get there.

 

Because I'm sodomising the president with a chainsaw.

 

i've gone blind and can't see to get there