I am at my little Crossroads...

Discussion in 'Hippies' started by Grim, Apr 7, 2007.

  1. Grim

    Grim Wandering Wonderer

    Hello, ladies and gentlemen.

    I write to you from the middle of a two-week vacation I took. Two weeks off from essentially everything. Two weeks to think, two weeks to redirect my life, two weeks to focus.

    So for a week I've done just that...and I've tried to set down the restless spirit urging me to make this two week break something much more. I've tried to answer a lot of questions, and I've tried to glimpse down the many roads I could take.

    ..and now I am at a crossroads. Juxtaposed amid roles I have taken and cannot shake. My little break is whittling away and will soon be gone, and even now at the halfway point I feel considerable pressure to make a decision...make a choice.

    One road leads me to simply pushing this all out of my mind as I've done for years, going back to my miserable little job, enjoying the various trinkets I'm allowed to buy because of it, and fulfilling the responsible, adult role I cannot in good conscience simply dump while others depend on me to fulfill it.

    One road leads me to a variation of this. In a week I return to my life as it was, but find a new job and a new lifestyle with it...an attempt to simulate a fresh start, and possibly bring with it the relief from restlessness such things bring. This seems to make sense, as it allows me my measure of wandering in a way...but it also does not rip me from my responsibilities. Yet it feels dishonest...like I'm simply meandering around a wading pool and trying to convince myself I'm diving into the sea. I know I'd be able to find new work and push myself through an indeterminate amount of time with this 'fresh' beginning...but that knowledge takes much of the adventure out of it. I'd be cheating myself...but at least not anyone else.

    Another road leads me away. I don't return to my current job, I don't take measures to immediately find another. I don't let myself worry. I shirk my responsibilities and just go away. I walk or drive for the beach, and from there who knows? I'm young enough that even utter failure in this adventure leaves me with ample time to rebuild my life...and those who doing this would dump my responsibilities on have told me they support it, even if I would not feel right forcing them to. Perhaps some would join me in this, likely they would not. This is the irresponsible, silly, and altogether foolish road to take...but I cannot deny the romantic, adventurous thrill I get when I ponder undertaking it. Do I throw it all to the wind, including myself? See where I land, see who is ready to take the leap with me? It's likely that we'd make it nowhere and be done within days or weeks...but it is equally likely we'd be shaking hands with the lives we know now and saying goodbye forever. I am willing to do that, but I can't ask anyone else to..

    So here I sit, looking out onto three roads. The sea and open road call to me like never before, but as never before I am anchored to my current position. Compromise is logical, but there are times when logic does not capture the most important spirit of the situation.

    I am on the brink of my decision...and there can be little compromise amid these three roads. So this is my state of affairs. I'd like to hear from everyone and anyone who has something to say about it...suggestions, criticisms, requests that I stop making long boring bulletins and go back to being funny, or anything else.
    I'm located on the eastern tip of Pennsylvania, on the border with Jersey...so if anyone nearby there has suggestions or has done something of this sort in the area, I'd really like to hear from you.
  2. Loveminx

    Loveminx Sports Racer

    Go do something crazy now while you're young so you don't regret it later when the opportunity passes you by...be adventurous, do what makes you happy, don't cheat yourself.
  3. Freewheelin Franklin

    Freewheelin Franklin Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    Don't forget to turn right at Albuquerque
  4. Jewmanjii

    Jewmanjii Banned


    That has been phothsopped
  5. Wow. This place always leaves me feeling so enlightened...
  6. i say throw it all to the wind i plan on doing this when i turn 18 just driving and wherever i end up is where im at for the time being, i mean think of it this way u may go away and have some fun and like it but decide its not for u and come back within a week but ull never have that thing in the back of ur mind sayin i should have did it iwish i had but now im too old or im too far into my job or i got a family to support cuz like u said ur young and if u mess up u can rebuild but then again u could like it and u could spend the rest of ur life just doin the things u love and travelin and other things meeting amazing ppl and learning about urself and life and the world but in the end the choice is urs man and nobody can make it for ya im just tryin to give my opinion on things :p
  7. Symple

    Symple Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    You can get a job in a video store anytime. Go for the adventure before you get caught up in the life sucking cycle. If you are lucky or just determined your adventure may never end.
  8. Moving_cloud

    Moving_cloud Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    Grim ...

    Be anchored within,
    no matter which road you take.

    Any road, any turnoff
    in the end will show
    what you came for to know ...

    Just some meander round distraction -
    others are straight, and clear -
    no excuses here.

    Sometimes all we want to know is
    we are being true.

    Make any road
    a place of change and transformation,
    and so
    you will not fall behind.

    (well just forward ;))

    Love and Blessings
  9. Archemetis

    Archemetis Senior Member

    guy....this is your trip....you'v got this time now to expirience what it means to be a human being. you dont have enough time to be wasting away in unhappy situations. if your unsatisfied, make the nessesary changes. what ever that means to you.
    i made the choice to take that road a few years ago and have more or less been doing it since, off and on. the road is the best school youll find, and theres plenty of us out there. (not so sure about the east coast...my romping grounds for the most part have been on the west coast) letting go of everything is a big leap of faith and not everyone can do it and be happy with the results. its a comfort level is all it is. just know that being broke isnt going to kill you in this country, and you can sleep anywhere if you'v a tarp and sleeping bag. and you can still get from point A to point B with your thumb on the road.

    our relationship with the universe changes in a powerful way when we let go of everything and trust in the process, but if you cant let go then you'll sink.

    if you do decide to hit the road id suggest ashville nc, or portland maine first....those are the only hot spots i know of on the east coast where theres plenty of kids to help show you the ropes...really theres a whole community of invisible wanderer's that mainstream america has no idea about. youll run into those you need to.
  10. Grim

    Grim Wandering Wonderer

    Well, I have to say a sincere thank you to everyone who has had something to say here.
    I can't honestly say I've made my decision yet, but I'm a lot closer.

    A part of me has long since made the decision, I think, that at some point I will do this. What confusion there is now lies only in the field of when, and with whom. Of course there's no time like the present for this sort of thing, and just dropping it all and going on the spur of the moment seems much more honest to the spirit of the endeavor. Unfortunately, doing so would mean pretty blatantly screwing some people too. Whereas friends would understand what I'm doing, and family would just have to accept it, the few out there who are close enough to me that they depend on my presence and support would be left in the creek, even if they did understand why and support it.
    Delaying this for a span of months would likely ensure this was not so large a factor, but I feel myself wither just a hair with every new delay...every new "In a few months will be the right time".

    So throughout this day while most celebrate their Easter, I will have much to think over.
  11. pianoperson60

    pianoperson60 Senior Member

    Your idea of throwing it all in the wind sounds like something Ive also had in mind for after highschool.
    Id love to come, but you probably dont want to wait until Summer 2008. I dont wanna holdja back.
    But Id say go for it!
  12. Hamfoot

    Hamfoot Member

    take a chance :)
  13. Grim

    Grim Wandering Wonderer

    Well, no guarantee yet I'm on my way...
    It's possible I will be delaying it, though I can't really say so far.
    Originally, I had my 'Journey' planned for spring of 2012...and if I haven't left in five years, I sure as hell will then. But waiting for that date to arrive has been more difficult than expected...

    So who knows.
  14. 2012 man you could be dead by then. Go, just go. Long time ago I should have taken a chance and didn't. I have so lived to regret it. Blow with the wind, be happy.
  15. Hari

    Hari Art thou Art

    Go always with what you need/desire even if that is unsure, dangerous or even crazy.
    Walk the path of heart, that needs no struggle to like it. Renounce whatever you need to renounce and all shall be well. It has worked for me, and I recommend it.
  16. Symple

    Symple Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    What are the pros and cons of your decision? What do you envision if you stay? If you go?
  17. Kollontai

    Kollontai Member

    grim, be true to yourself. at once, i surrendered, i gave up my dreams, now i regret for that, but this is our own life, happy or sad, what do u want? be true to yourself, try to pursue your dream..... in fact, i am contacting drew too
  18. SafetyPin

    SafetyPin Banned

    Contrary to what appears to be the consensus of opinion here, I think you should take your time. I've found the older you get the less urgent your need to do things becomes even though you have less time left in which to do them. If I had known that when I was younger I wouldn't have had the need to do things so quickly. Don't compromise, but don't throw everything to the four winds either. Make concessions. Give something here to get something there.
  19. Grim

    Grim Wandering Wonderer

    Well as an update, as of Friday evening I quit my current job. This much was an inevitable step in bringing my life somewhere else.
    I have a few possible jobs available now, with a couple interviews for the best scheduled next week. My lady and I have also begun to look at properties along the sea, which is really the only place I feel somewhat at peace. We aim to possibly relocate there (Wildwood, NJ area) when our current lease expires in October. All sketchy at the moment of course, but the road I'm taking is beginning to take a bit of shape.
  20. Freewheelin Franklin

    Freewheelin Franklin Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    I suggest therapy.

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