I am a Stepmom

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by lostinanovel, Jun 1, 2007.

  1. lostinanovel

    lostinanovel Member

    I married my husband five years ago when his son was 8. We see him a few times a month and my relationship with him was always cold from his side. I am cool with it, I feel terrible for him and understand his anger at parents, life etc and don't mind being the one he takes it out on. But I am now getting worried because he is showing signs of being a serious troublemaker. His guilt-ridden parents won't do anything about him accept buy his excuses. Do I just sit idly by? I am thinking that he already hates me, why not take some action when I have l have nothing to lose?
     
  2. moon_flower

    moon_flower Banned

    I hated both of my stepparents when my parents remarried. My stepmom deserved it....she, daily, told my sister and I just how much she wanted rid of us, and she did wrong by my dad....cheated and whatnot. They're now divorced and he's married again and she's the greatest person for him, I love her. But, I grew to love my stepfather. He's a second dad and I wouldn't have it any other way.
    It sounds like the kid is rebelling because he CAN. If you already feel he hates you....do something. If you think he loves you....do something. He may despise you for it now, but when he grows up....he'll thank you for doing something about it.
     
  3. Earthy Mama

    Earthy Mama Feel my wrath... ;)

    hmm... tricky situation. Only you know in your heart what to do. Personally, I would be try to be there by the whole kill with kindness method. Seem like the cool friend and see if he'll open up. If you make him feel safe maybe the situation will solve.
     
  4. shaina

    shaina No War Know Peace

    i'd go for it there is nothing to lose
     
  5. Poem~Girl

    Poem~Girl Member

    I hated both of my stepparents when my parents remarried. My stepmom deserved it....she, daily, told my sister and I just how much she wanted rid of us, and she did wrong by my dad....cheated and whatnot. They're now divorced and he's married again and she's the greatest person for him, I love her. But, I grew to love my stepfather. He's a second dad and I wouldn't have it any other way.
    It sounds like the kid is rebelling because he CAN. If you already feel he hates you....do something. If you think he loves you....do something. He may despise you for it now, but when he grows up....he'll thank you for doing something about it.
    __________________
    :jester: I can understand whre your coming from in this post as my step mother when i was a teenager (my dads common-law) had 3 children, My dad and i lived very peacefully in a quiet small house till.... they moved in took over the house and made all the rules stole all my stuff and his gf allowed it. I at 19 had a cerfew, if i didn't abide by it i would have been out of my dads house, so i chose to move out. I blamed both ppl (my dad and step mom) for their stupidity, when i had a lock on my door and they still got in took my cigarettes and clothes which will never fit them anyways. But still to this day my dads ex will say to my step sister that i still get along with and adore who has Bi-Polar and ADHD "why are you going to see her , you never got along with her anyways" 7 years later. Shes a past person and can never look in the present or future.

    Now, i have a step mother that shines like a diamond. My dad and her deserve eachother so much and my sister and I cannot ask for anything better than an understanding step mother. I just got married a little over a year ago and my own mother did not get me ready for my wedding or even want to look at me, she did but she didn't want me to give myself away so soon she let my step mom get me ready (which the brides mothers is supposed to)
    I am a step mother and i would never treat my step children like my "own" step mother from years back treated me or my own biological mother treats me. I sometimes catch myself when i get grouchy but than again i sit down and count to ten and talk things over with my step daughter, how things back than when i was a little girl ... Blah blah and she'll understand much better. Communication is the key factor in all. I truly believe that in marriage bf/gf relationships having children and even friendships "open communication" is what lies ahead, without that ppl would never get/go anywhere. Even listening can get you a long way in life and when you listen with your ears and open your heart up that means a lot to ppl..

    Peace
    T
     
  6. Lorna

    Lorna The Magician

    I think you should step in, the parents are feeling too guilty, so act. I think that even if the boy dont like you for that, his parents will be happy you did, and the boy will thank you later on.

    it is something you will do to be good and help, out of compassion, and not to get soemthing in return. But sometimes acting selflessly is the best thing we can do and the greatest things in fact.
     
  7. Riggs

    Riggs Banned

    Aw, love. This is what I don't understand (talking about your mother, love) why God blesses people that don't want to be good parents, or ones that kill their children, and people that are dying to have children, can't have them?
     
  8. Lorna

    Lorna The Magician

    I agree about listening and opening your heart to the one you talk to and whom you listen to.
    It is so impostant to be opne to can truely communicate, i agree with you.
     
  9. Poem~Girl

    Poem~Girl Member

    I married my husband five years ago when his son was 8. We see him a few times a month and my relationship with him was always cold from his side. I am cool with it, I feel terrible for him and understand his anger at parents, life etc and don't mind being the one he takes it out on. But I am now getting worried because he is showing signs of being a serious troublemaker. His guilt-ridden parents won't do anything about him accept buy his excuses. Do I just sit idly by? I am thinking that he already hates me, why not take some action when I have l have nothing to lose?
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Well i just don't like to be a nag about the way some children are ... But this weekend was just a handful. I tried my friggin best with my husbands daughter and she bluffed me off. i stayed away and its just like i'm a wicked step mother . I do nothing but the best for her . And i know shes trying to push my buttons;-) But i'm not allowing her too. When i ask her to do a little something she gets snappy. My husband just went out with her and i yelled out the door (she wasn't near) Have a talk with your daughter. Because i know what its like having step parents and i know what its like getting treated nicely or like crap. But i'm not going to get snapped at for something i do nicely to her all the time. I try my best and <puts hands up in the air > <heaven forbid> all heck breaks loose if she has to clean her room or pack her bags to go home or take a bath or this or that ... Is that a stage childrn go through...Is there any good parenting books or step parenting books out there . I work with children, but i don't have children muself. Just my step children.
     
  10. Valdis

    Valdis Member

    I think all children hunger for an adult to take an interest in them AND to set the rules.
    However, if you can't enforce the rules or will be over ruled by a biological parent it's not likely to work for either of you.

    His parents really need to step up and be parents. Perhaps you could help his father learn to do that. Some simply don't have the skills or are afraid to make the kids hate them. All it takes is one activity both the parent and child enjoys to forge a bond that truly works.

    I think one adult reaching out to a child in a firm but kind way that shows interest can make a HUGE difference in a child's life. You've just got to be careful how you do it given the situation.
     

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