I ACCIDENTALLY HAD SEX WITH A COUCH! revived edition

LOL! that one about the stunt got me giggling so hard....

 

(hitting yer friend with your car..lol)

 

back in 4th or 5th grade, i went though a tomboy stage... mannn... i was at the guy i liked at the time's (derek) and we were playing flag football.... derek through me the back, and i was running forward, looking at the sky for the football, when- BAM!!- i run smack into his mailbox, completely abliterating it and cutting my knee open in the process... turns out the mailbox was from forever ago, and made from his grandma's like old pocessions or something, so i felt SO bad. and plus, i LIKED derek at the time!! man.. we still laugh about that one.

another: around the same time, derek and i were at this kids fair thing and i was playing dizzy bat (you know, the game where you spin around a bat and get super dizzy and then the leader tells you to touch something and its just funny watching you stumble), and derek was watching. well i spin around the bat for a long time, and the leader tells me to touch derek's nose... well... i stumble up there and i throw my hand forward... turns out i was a LOT closer than i thought i was and i end up BREAKING derek's nose!

man... im such a klutz

 

alright, Here I go, (I'm not a good story teller so please bear with me)

A few years ago me and my freinds had a few fire-crackers and some model rocket engines, and well being early teenagers (13 or 14) we were all thinking the obvious, create as much destruction as possible, so we took a great many of the fire crackers and attached them to the model, rocket engine putting one inside for good measure, then since I had watched a good any movies I felt we should run all of the fuses together so that they would ignite from the rocket (we also tied the one insides fuse in for good measure) so after we have spent a great deal of time debating whether this will work or not we realize... no matches, but good geek that I am I have a lens with me (I always do to this day) and tell the it should work, The thing was who was going to light it, no f-in way they were going to, neither of them wanted their hands anywhere near that thing when it went off, so since I had played with lenses before I finally gave in and said I'd do it (piss poor descision) well it worked, the whole damn thing, unfortunatly it broke one of my buddies (we were doing it at his house) neighbors windows, all the firecrackers went off at varying times (one immediatly after ignition, I wanted to makesure the whole thing was lit so I got burnt from that one) most in the neighbors house, I'm not in good health but I certainly ran like hell (at least I didn't burn anything down)

 

hehe i wish i could love my work as much!

 

Blackie- that took a while to find but worth it.

Cool stories.

Another Joel story-
Joel and I were young wannabe actors in LA. And roommates. One day Joel finds a recording on his answering machine- "Joel, this is Karen Wiess with (I forget the name) Productions, and we're casting for a film, that we think you may be right for one of the lead parts. Nice picture by the way, anyway. We're interviewing tomarrow in Santa Monica,- don't bother calling, if your interested just be here (address given) between 1 and 4 tomarrow, the film is called "One on Me", so just ask for me and I look forward to seeing you."
So Joel's all pumped up and excited about it. The next day, his car won't start. Santa Monica was about 45 min. away in traffic, so the bus would have taken forever. He walked down the street to rent a car, and takes off.
When he gets there, he finds the address with the name of the production comany name and goes inside. In the lobby, he finds about 30 good looking muscular guys sitting around waiting to be seen. He thinks, "shit, I bet all these guys were called in for the same part."
He asks for Karen, and is directed to her desk. "she say's are you here for the audition?"
"One On Me" he says.
She says, "what?"
"I'm here for the film 'One on me', I'm Joel Hile. Are you Karen Wiess?"
"yes, I'm Karen but this is an open call for Playgirl Magazine"
"So there's no movie called 'One One Me'?"
She laughed, "No, I guess this was "One on you"!"

I had set Joel up- except for the car not starting. I saw an ad in the paper for the audition and I had a girlfriend leave the message on Joel's machine.

Joel, ended up trying out anyway, they said he looks great but to go work out for 6 to 12 months and come back and see them. He never went back.

I had to pay for the car rental.

 

Damnit freakwent-I'm trying to remember some more stupid things i've done,but unfortunately ---i'mmmmmtwoospoootid@

 

Bump

 

so when i was about 11 - you know, the age when you really, really care what people think - anyway I went to the public pool with my sister. it came time to go, so I got out and got dressed. My sister still hadn't got out of the pool so i went to hurry her up, and instead of getting out she flicked water in my eyes...anyway, i was standing quite close to the edge at this stage and I ended up falling in the deep end of the pool, fully clothed, with like glasses, shoes, socks etc...on. I had to get out, sopping wet and squelch all the way home. What made it worse is that the 'cool' girls were having a birthday party at the pool, so everyone still rememers it.

another time i was about 14, and in a restaurant. I was really hot, so i pushed the window open a crack...and i smashed by accident with my fist. I was like, oh dear god, and then this crowd of really hot guys came running in to sit with their friend who'd been holding the table. They were all 'omg, did someone drop our dinner? what was that crash?" and the guy who'd been sitting there says super loud "no, THAT girl *points at me* broke the window"

finally, i was on the bus last night, coming home. A guy down the front turned around and gave a huge jerk when he saw me, then kept turning round and smiling. I thought this was pretty wierd, but he kept grinning at me, then we both got off at the same stop - turns out he's one of our new neighbours....i thought that might explain the grinning...but then i realised that i have a wee window at the back of my room that faces onto their house...it used to have trees growing round it, but dad cut em....i have of late forgot to close the curtain, because i'm still used to having trees there, so yup, i've gotten changed in my room, butt fricken naked, and the neighbours would have been able to see...no wonder he was grinning like anything

 

I have just finished page 3 and my face and sides hurt.. I cried when I read about the monkey loose in the car..

I am going to continue reading..

thanks for everyone sharing.. I can not compete...

James

 

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dude thats the best story I have ever heard in my freakin life!!!!!!

 

thank ya---thank ya vera much.

 

ok, I know my stories will not messure up, but I feel I have enjoyed too much not to make a contribution. The stories did spark my memory and I enjoyed laughing at things that I had forgotten about. This was funny when it happen, let's see if it is funny here.

I was 15, my brother was 18, it was New Years Eve, 1975. For anyone who lived that age will remember that the Bicentinal Year was a huge event. The government had minted new quarters, and everything was about the New Year and our country having it's 200th birthday. Keeping this in mind, my brother and I spent the last day of 1975 at Disney World in Florida, and listened to Michael Murphy sing "Wildfire" at 11 PM as we ran for the exit to hitch a ride home, hoping to make it in time for him to kiss his girlfriend "happynewyear" at midnight. Well the trip to the other side of Orange County took longer than the 1 hour alloted, but we did find a nice couple of cool dudes to give us a lift to the exit that was about 3 miles from our house.

We realized we were not going to make it on time for that kiss, so we decided to stop at McDonalds for a Big Mac. I happen to be in line just as the clock ticked over into the New Year, 1976. I made the comment that I have bought the FIRST BIG MAC in the Bicentinal Year. This promted many other "firsts" for us both as we started our 3 mile trek home.

There was a huge field that had a creek that ran through it that seperated us from our subdivision. We could walk around the field or cut through and save a mile of walking. Of course the mile saved came at a price. The creek was the worst smelling water you had ever exposed your nostrals too, and the only way across the creek was a plank that was 4 inches wide and 10 feet long. Not hard for a couple of sober guys on a bright moonlight night.

The field was being prepared for the next phase of new homes being build in the area, and huge concret sewer pipe was lined up waiting to be installed. These where so large you could walk into them, I mean HUGE. We walked through this field to go anywhere and were always talking about when they would finally install the pipe and we would not have to walk the plank across the creek.

As we came to the creek, we notice it was very different. The construction company had finished laying the pipe. My brother decided he was going to be the FIRST to run across the sandy soil that covered the newly laid sewer pipe that replaced the smelly creek. We raced to be the first to put our foot prints in the sand. We notice that a dog might have been the "first" because we saw paw prints everywhere.

My brother, being 3 years older than I, was the faster runner. He was ahead of me by a good 20 feet, and when he reached the embankment that rose about 3 feet above the fresh laid sand, he jumped. We both expected him to run across the 20 or so feet of fresh sand to the other side, and do his victory dance of being the first HUMAN to make the trip in the new Bicentinal Year - 1976. What we did not expect was for him to disappear.

Yep, the sand was really foam, the doggie foot prints was the foamy texture of suds. He had jumped into that nasty smelly water, and just in time to keep me from jumping in behind him.

I still do not know which was funnier. Knowing that he was over his head in the nastiest smelling "shit water" or the look of total shock and surprise on his face.

Let me try to paint this picture. He is not able to touch bottom, the water was over his head. He can not climb back up the embankment, it is about 3 feet tall and no hand holds. His brother (me) is on the ground ROLLING and Laughing my ass off. I could not respond to his cries of help to pull him out. His only option is to swim to the other side of the creek, and climb out on the lower bank.

He kicked my ass all the way home. I was crying and laughing at the same time. Tears were rolling down my face and I still don't know if it was from the pain or the laughter. I could not wait to tell the whole family what happened. He was no longer in a hurry to see his girlfriend, and that story was retold for years before he stopped getting pissed off about it.

We are still very good friends, but that might be the only time that he beat me at something and I felt like the winner.

James

 

Well today I was hanging out with my good friend. It was a wet cold day and most of the snow had metled so the ground was rather wet. We where headed to the gazbo and we diceided to race. I cut in fornt of him becuase he was going to win, so he tried to go around me. he ran on the grass flew at least 5 ft and landed in dog shit. LMAO it was freakin awesome.

 

i had accidentally had sex with a pillow...we should hook up.

 

ok so my grandpa has a cabin in teh Uinta mountains in Utah. So me and my family were up there on vacation. he has a gokart and a three wheeler up there. well the gokart seats two people. so i was about 9 and my younger borther about 5 or 6 so anyways im driving and a recentaly learned to do a tail whip or spin around really fast. so i tell my little brother to hold on. well over hte nosie of the motor he though i said hang out. so he hangs his head out the side and i flip around he falls out and i run him over. he just runs up to the cabin crying with a tire mark running down his back. i was scared shitless at the time i thought that i had broke his back or something(keep in mind i was 9) well anyways i drive the gokart up to the cabin. i was in tears thinking i hurt my little borther. but now whenver we talk about it we laugh our asses off

 

QUOTE Texplayboy-
"...it was New Years Eve, 1975. For anyone who lived that age will remember that the Bicentinal Year was a huge event. The government had minted new quarters, and everything was about the New Year and our country having it's 150th birthday."

It was the 200th birthday. But great story!
It's been a long time, I've been away busy with new twin boys and work.

So, hopefully, FREAKWENTFLYER and SCRATCHO are going to meet this July in Oregon and get shitfaced together, perhaps have a story to tell.

I'm planning a trip with the wife and kids. Maybe fly out and rent an RV. (No I won't be getting shitfaced driving the kids around in an RV)

What's another name for a gay rodeo? A "reach a round-up".

 

lmfao. i absolutly love this thread.
i hope i've got stories like these in years to come !
x

 

Omg Thats Amazing!!! Hahah Totally Made My Day!