I ACCIDENTALLY HAD SEX WITH A COUCH! revived edition

i have never sat in front of my computer while on hipforums and laughed out loud, he good kind from the belly! thanks man!

 

you guys are great

 

Thanks, but where's your stories?

I'm sure you have one or two.
We are still missing many old stories from the old site. I was adding them gradually then interest in the thread died out.
I would gladly add more old stories if others do the same.
Freakwentflyer

 

ok, anyone in the states who's been in fifth grade on safety patrol in the past 20 or so years has most likely been on the satfly patrol trip. well, me and some friends, being the BADASS!!!!!!! fifth graders we were, decided to spend the entire time were were in the room in the hotel screaming random obscenities.
we went on like this for about 2 hours straight, until my friend josh said one thing really loud...FUCK! for some reason, me and my other fifth grade friend just stared at him with this horrified face, wondering what in the HELL!!!!! possessed him to say such a horrible word.

the next night, we all walked down to the gift shop in the hotel, buying two cans of silly string each. well, we unleashed the silly string. all over each other. all six cans of silly string, all over each other...and the wall. well, the next morning was the morning we had to leave. so...My teacher/chaperone person made us spend and hour the morning cleaning up silly string.

Did I mention that i got lost at the smithsonian and had to walk around with a security guard until the buses came back to take us to the next place we were going?

 

lol. "FIFTH GRADERS GONE WILD!" Now on DVD.

 

Did you manage to find my shrinkage or pole dance stories? I looked through the 7 pages but couldnt find it. I would gladly rewrite them

Oh man I remember the "My girlfriend was a Pornstar" story from the old forum....I laughed so hard when I read it lol

 

Yes, I remember your strories. I'm affraid you'll have to rewrite them.
Someone was cool enough to save and E-mail me all the old stories, but I was never able to open them. ( I'm very uneducated in computers- always had others to do everything for me in the past)

I will rewrite more of the old ones including "My Girlfriend Was a PornStar" as long as there is still interest in this site. I hope others like you and Scratcho, do too.

(Speaking of the Pornstar, Kay London. It was just brought to my attention Gamelink.com has all her films listed by doing a search in her name.)

 

when I was in 7th grade I intentionally had sex with a couch. wrapped him in syran wrap and went at it between the cushions. wasnt what i wanted, never did it again.

 

Freakwentflyer, I'm very computer literate. If you email em to me, I'll put em up here for you. Gimme a PM if you want to.

and wheres Scratcho these days? Is that still his sign in name?

 

I've been gone for a long time due to huricane Ivan. I hope to get some time to write some more stories, and especially hope to read some of other peoples misadventures.
Anyone hear from Sctracho lately?

 

i remember ur story.........and it's agreat one!

 

A couple of weekends ago I was at a concert and one of my chick friends was really wasted. We whent outside to smoke a joint in this dudes car, so theres about five people i nthe car, and about three standing outside of it, well, this chick proceeds to show her nipple piercing to EVERYONE, sorry, that's all I've got, it was much funnier at the time, because we were all stoned


I only got one hit off that joint though, and it was my weed

 

Hi Freakwent and all--just passing thru on my son"s computer.Hope to get mine set up soon.Moved to Springfield ,Ore and now find I must make a huge investment in long johns!No funny stories just now,but I have found out I'm a shit magnet!Every place I go lately I seem to end up with a wad a ' dog shit adorning my fine brogans.The thrill is gone.---see ya.scratcho---

 

Hey Scratcho,
Good to hear from you. I myself have been out of touch due to hurricane Ivan. Been so busy getting my house and business back in order, I feel I've lost all my memories of the past, and sense of humor too, for a while. All work and no play.
So many stories I wish to tell but it's been so long I have to go through the thread and read what I already wrote to keep from telling the same story.

But, I will get back on it soon. I was hoping to see more stories from others on here, but there are a lot of good ones on other threads.

 

Once, back in the late 80's, I was dating this swedish girl, Nina. She was 19 but already had a serious drinking problem even for a swede.
Once we stayed at a hotel in Malibu, Ca for a night. While we were having sex she started her period. This girl was a bleeder. At the time she was by far the most beautiful woman I had ever had the pleasure of so the blood did not bother me ( the vodka helped too I guess). The next morning the sheets top and bottom were nearly completely covered in blood.
One of us made the comment that it looked like a murder scene.
We checked out and left.
The next day at home (then in North Hollywood) there's a knock on my door. It was the cops.
Nina was there with me and we explained everything. They said they just had to check it out because of all the blood and the way it was everywhere.

 

ha ha thats excellent.

 

I have been sitting here for the past hour reading these stories, they are great. I remember them on the old forums, and had read some. I cant wait till you get them all on here, if you can.

 

i can't think of any interesting things that have happened to me at the moment, though there are quite a few. i'll rethink and post it another day. but i have a very awesome story that my dad told me (he has TONS) since he was a full blown hippy acid rocker in the '60s. his band would go on tours and do all sorts of crazy shit.

anyhow, this story happened shortly after his brother died. they got him cremated, and went camping by a river that he used to love to fish in. they thought it would be nice to set him free there, so they dumped his ashes in the river and pour a beer over it. suddenly my dad realizes "SHIT, he was afraid of water and couldn't swim!" no matter, after some beers and a couple joints they forget about their faux pas. so, my dad's friend who was also his brother's ex partner in crime (they were bank robbers together for years) was REALLY REALLY fucking upset. he was sitting there in a depressed VERY drunken stupor, and suddenly falls in the fire. he screams, jumps up completely aflame and runs to the river throwing himself in to extinguish the flames. he returns stripping off his clothes except his undies and stumbling all over the place, then takes his seat by the fire. he then proceeds to fall in AGAIN, and this time takes off into the woods, shedding his underwear. it's quite clear he had enough. so the night goes on, and they start to worry, wondering where the guy is. he returns much much later, COMPLETELY naked with two little old ladies following him. turns out he found them at a camp site near by on vacation in their trailer. they were both in their early 70s at least. so they sit down by the fire and the guy is making them all comfortable, getting them a beer and whatnot still completely naked. my dad turns to him and says "for gods sake man puts some pants on" and his friend suddenly seems to realize he's naked, apologized profusely and then slips back on his wet charred pants. good times!

 

^^^
thats soofunny.

we went to the beach and got drunk with a load of people. someone dropped their phone in the dark and went forward to pick it up but fell 6 foot into a mudmarsh. she was upright at this point and very stuck. Her boyfriend..who is pretty dim, stood there shouting at her, as if it would help, while she stood there crying. He was having such a fit he threw his phone in there. [?!..he's dim]
So she was trying to calm HIM down by looking for the phone he just threw in there..which got her stuck in a dog position.
By this point I'd arrived and heard and laughed at the story so far, told by various people walking around. Will. who threw his phone..was realllly stressed. it was flippin funny watching him panic and scream at noone in paticular.
I tried to cheer him up by making him laugh and decided jumping in with the girl might lighten things up. i thought it was sidesplitting, getting this wasted girl through a load of stinking mud...looking for several new phones..up, and out ...leaving our shoes behind and sitting there covered in the stuff..head to toe.
Will was a bit happier by now, becuase i wasn't embarassed. till we got in his car like that...ruined the interior so he had to dump it..drunkenly flew mud all over his house, carpet, and broke the shower door as we both tried to get in it..
it was funny hearing him scream into the neighboorhood a decibelic FUUUCKKKK!!!
he was supposed to be house sitting or some shit?!

 

Cool, some good stories again. I keep meaning to sit down and rewrite some of the stories that were lost on the old hipforum but that damn hurricane Ivan really messed me up. Some more stories from others just might get the juices flowing again.

Here's a recent quicky. My next door neighbor recently bought a trampolin for his son. So I took my 4 yr old daughter over to play on it. Keep in mind I'll be 48 this year. After the kids jump around on it a while, they got tired and went inside to watch a movie. So naturally, Larry and I got high and I got on the trampolin. As I'm jumping on it my wife and the kids come out to watch. None of them knew me when I was young. They'd only seen pictures of me doing stunts in movies and such, so I thought I'd show them a thing or two.
Well the first back flip was perfect. My wife was very impressed. So I jumped higher and higher and did another back flip, again perfect but higher. So, one more, I thought.
I don't know for sure what happened. All I remember was my face hitting my chest. Obviously I landed upside down. Curses.., that ego did it again.
For about 20 minutes we thought I had broken my neck. The idea of me in a wheelchair while my wife is about to have twins scared the hell out of me. Fortunantely, I just have a bad whiplash, and the sad realization that I am no longer a young man.
I long passed that stage in life, becoming not long ago, an- old young man. And now I geuss I would fall in the catagory- young old man. The beginning stages of old man.
Time to keep my feet on the ground.