I ACCIDENTALLY HAD SEX WITH A COUCH! revived edition

StreetCarp

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frequent flyer, you are THE man. Keep em coming.
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Although I was their captive, the Indians allowed me quite a bit of freedom. I could walk about freely, make my own meals, and even hurl rocks at their heads. It was only later that I discovered they weren't Indians at all, but dirty clothes hampers. Posted: 12:48 AM
August 16, 2003 freakwentflyer

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Thanks StreetCarp.

I'm back from vacation!
The wife and I did a four day cruise to the Bahamas. Had a great time!



So, my wife (Emily) and I are seated for lunch on the cruise with this old couple and their 15 yr old grandson. The old lady, asked where we're from and other polite chat.
In conversation, I said that we left the little one at home, a two year old girl. Then the lady says, "that's just like our grandson, he and his little brother have a big age dfferance, his brother's 4".
My wife and I looked at each other both realizing that the old lady must think that we're father and daughter. So, we let them think that till we finished lunch.
Then I stood up, said "it was nice to meet you folks, hope you have a safe trip back to Pittsburg", then I reached over and gave a good lip lock kiss to Emily and said, "let's get back to the room and get naked". Then Emily, said to the family who sat with their jaws dropped, "you'll have to excuse him, this whole cruise he's been like a walking hard-on".
We laughed all the way back to our room.

Posted: 04:04 PM
August 16, 2003 freakwentflyer

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Posted: 04:17 PM
September 13, 2003 hippieandproudofit

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Back in middle school, when i was dumb kid, one day in home ec we made mini pancakes, well i got started on mine late (wasteing time, im sure) and they got done right when the bell was ringing, so no time to eat them, so i just stuffed them in my pants pocket for later. Next hour is math class. Middle of calls i get bored and take one out and start eating it, well of course someone notices it and the whole class starts laughing, people still remember that to this day.
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If you wanna chat on MSN...my user name @hotmail.com.... Posted: 06:09 PM
September 13, 2003 freakwentflyer

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hippieandproudofit

On the surface, that seems like a lame story, but pituring it actually happening is very funny.
I once lost a bet in high school and had to wear lunch meat in my shoes all day.

 

scratcho

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goddammer!

Lunchmeat in your shoes!Thats one of the funniest things I ever heard!----Here's one-although I'm not sure it was that dumb--but anyway ,when I was going to college,I lived in a little duplex for a while and my neighbor was a little dweeb who managed a Sprouse Reitz,or some such. A totally square and straight guy.Well ,my half of the duplex was a party house and I,of course played music as loud as I wanted ,but I told him that if the music was too loud, to bang on the wall and I would turn it down.One night I was cranking something,probably Little Richard and was fairly well lubricated,when I heard a little bang on the wall.So of course,I banged back(obviously acording to our previous agreement).He banged louder --I banged louder --he banged louder--I banged LOUDER--BANG--his little dweeb fist came right through the wall!My guests were laughing their asses off and I stuck my face up to the wall and hollered "Damn ,I bet you wish you hadn"t done that!Un fortunately for him ,our landlord came the next day to check shit out and when he asked me if the neighbors tale of woe was true ,I told him my stereo had been broken for a month--sir.Poor little bastard got kicked out for being too rowdy!Oh well--they come and they go.------scratcho Posted: 04:57 PM
September 14, 2003 freakwentflyer

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Shit! The CIA attack wiped out about 9 days of posts.

This sucks. If any of you can remember the stories you lost, please rewrite them.
I know I lost my streaking story, but remind me of what else I lost. I'll get them back in when I get the time.

So here's a story a friend recently reminded me of.

In 1976, age 19,I was out with a few friends at a dico, though we weren't the disco type, that's where the girls were. We sat at a big round table then a few friends of one of my friends sat down. We were up and down from the table for about an hour or so, when someone broke out a small bottle of RUSH, something popular in the gay scene but being heads, anything for a buzz. You open the top, and inhale the fumes to get a brief but intense head rush.
It was discretely used and passed around the big table untill it reached I guy I didn't know straight across from me. Luckily for him, I happened to notice that he opened the bottle and proceeded to DRINK the contents. I jumped up and screamed, SPIT IT OUT! I don't know if it was my screaming or the taste, but he spit it out in a straight stream right into an ashtray containing a lit cigarette.

Instantly, the ashtray ignighted flame shooting up the stream and catching his face on fire.
This happened so quickly, but happening in a crowded disco, where we really didn't fit in, and all eyes suddenly drawn to our table it seemed like forever as I tried to put the fire on the table out, and guys next to the idiot, slapped his face to put out the flames.
With the fire out, we tried to sit still, like nothing had happened, with all of us looking to this guy wondering if he was going to drop over dead on our table. His eyebrows were gone and his face was beat red.
Someone finally asked, "are you alright?"
He mumbled something, then stood up and walked out of the club sort of zig zagging.
I said, "you better go check on your friend".
The guy that was next to him said,"I thought he was with you guys".
Turns out none of us knew the guy. And we never saw him again.

 

freakwentflyer

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SCRATCHO STORY.....I copied from another thread.

I had another thread called Amazing stories that Scratcho posted the following story on. Thought it should be here.
_________________________________________
Quote Scratcho-
I've got one --Back about 59',a friend of mine wanted a monkey(what the hell for,I never found out).So we get in his mom's car and head to a town about 30 miles away to get one .Browsed around in the pet shop for a while and he finally picked out this capuchin monkey and paid about 30 bucks for it with a cage and a leash.We started back home with the monkey in the cage in the back seat and he also had a short chain leash on.(the monkey, of course).Well,he was just sitting in his cage quietly--looking so cute and calm .I was driving and my buddy Bill was talking and making little noises at his monkey.Pretty soon ,he says "I think I'll open the cage--the guy said he was tame".Waddya think?I said"Bill--I sense trouble.I sense big trouble"He said "ah fuck it--he'll be alright.With that said ,he reached back and opened the cage.I want to state right here---you haven't been witness to a true clusterfuck until you've been driving down the road at 70 miles an hour with a SCREAMING crapping,biting monkey attached to a chain going round and round the inside of a car!I managed to get the car stopped in a giant cloud of dust and we piled out covered in monkey shit, and let the critter have the car.Some cars stopped and some people asked if we were ok,and when they saw what happened ,had quite the laugh at our expense.I honestly don't remember how or if we got that monkey back in his cage or what,but something very similar happened when we tried to give him a bath.Evidently ,monkeys don't like water much.Well, they kept the monkey for a while and he took a liking to Bill's mom and would sit next to her on the couch--he was jealous of Bill's dad and would raise hell if he got too close to the mom.I guess the final straw was when he buried his face in Bill's dad's crotch and bit him on the nutsack for getting too close to Bill's mom.I did not make the trip back to the pet shop to return him.
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WHAT WOULD SCOOBY DO? Posted: 07:00 PM
September 26, 2003 ChinaCatStarflower

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For this story to be funny you really have to *picture* it in you head.

Anyways, we were sitting around in my friend Jamison's basement, and we were doing the sort of things that friends do in basements. Jamison, one of more *intresting* friends, finds a glow-stick (the kind that are basically a vial full of glowing goo) sitting around on a shelf. He cracks it and starts playing around with the glowing glow-stick and is sorta chewing on it. I offhandedly remark that it'd be really funny if he got glow-stick goo in his mouth. All of us then start talking about how it'd be really funny to see somebody on the street puking up a whole lot of glowing goo. Well, Jamison, being the genious he is, bites the glow stick open and fills his mouth with the stuff. Green goo is dripping down his face onto his floor. I make a remark about stabbing aliens (and their glowing green blood,) and Jamison bursts out laughing, getting his entire room covered in green glowing speckles. We try to clean it up, but the paper towels just turned green in addition to the carpet and walls. We had a trashcan full of radioactive green towels and a rave-like room. His parents eventually hear us, and they pick up on the "clean it up before they notice" theme in our conversation. His parents, thinking we were drunk (not to say we weren't on something) and somebody had puked on the floor, came down and open up his room door. They just stood there for a few seconds, looked at us, and left. We eventually managed to get the stuff out of his carpet, but there are still a few dull yellow stains on the floor to remind us. Posted: 02:38 PM
September 29, 2003 [img]http://www.hipforums.com/images/house.gif[/img]

 

Shockw4ve

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This 4th of July we were having a huge party/cookout and we were all extremely drunk and high. We were in the middle of having a fireworks war with the neighbors. Somehow during the course of events my friends dared me to shoot a bottlerocket out of my dick. Well of course I did and I must say just sticking the bottle rocket down in there a little bit hurt like fuck. The bottlerocket was lit and then pure chaos was unleashed...first the bottlerocket set my pubes on fire. It then shot into the back pocket of my friends pants. He happened to have 6 bottlerockets facing downward in his back pocket. All 6 of them ignited also and set his ass on fire. He went running through the woods trying to take his pants off. He finally got them off and then jumped into the creek to cool his scorched ass off. I guess about 20 people witnessed the whole thing and they were laughing there asses off at us.
I was okay but he ended up getting 3rd degree burns from his ass down to the back of his knees. Posted: 10:59 PM
September 29, 2003 [img]http://www.hipforums.com/images/house.gif[/img] Sunnie

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Drunk people and fireworks are never a great mix.
My friend Kelly has this really awesome house that backs right onto the lake. She had a huge, end of summer party.We spent most of the night skinny dipping in the lake, or in the hot tub. But at about 2am some boys found some fireworks in her garage. So they decided that one of them would run through the woods, and the other one would chase after them trying to shoot them with the fireworks. It was a pretty dumb idea, but what can you expect from a bunch of drunk and bored country kids? It was pretty hilarious watching them stumbling through the trees, with bursts of bright,pretty lights every few seconds or so though.
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give me a reason to be beautiful. Posted: 12:50 AM
September 30, 2003 freakwentflyer

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ChinaCatStarflower-I can picture it. LOL

Shockw4ve-
Quote-Somehow during the course of events my friends dared me to shoot a bottlerocket out of my dick. Well, of course I did......
_______________-
LOL! I was saving this story for later, but since you had to mention bottlerockets in your dick....

When I was 31 my ex-wife, Elise and I were driving down the interstate late at night and I had to piss, so I took a remote exit only to find the only business on the exit was a CLOSED gas station. So I pulled up next to the building, and stood next to a coke machine to piss.
As my ex tells it, she watched me standing by the coke machine, then suddenly saw a bolt of lightning shooting out of my dick right before I flew backward on my ass. I had pissed into a wall socket.
I burnt the inside of my dick. No serious damage, but I couldn't cum for about 2 weeks. Elise, loves telling that story every chance she gets.
Freak

 

freakwentflyer

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In high school (early-mid 70's) I was living in England. My father was U.S. Air Force.
Streaking was something new back in the states, which we had read about. So, a few of my friends and I were among the first to bring it to England.
One day, the village I lived in off base had a small day festival that my friend Randy H. and I decided to streak.
I was "The Blue Streak", always wore blue tennis shoes and a blue ski mask.
Randy and I prepared in a field nearby, then came running from between two buildings into the crowd butt naked. The crowd began to cheer, laugh and clap as we neared them.

Just at our closes point to the crowd, Randy slipped in the wet muddy grass and landed sliding belly, balls, and knees across a cement driveway.
I stopped for him. By the time I got him to his feet, several people had gathered around us. Directly in front of me was a fellow classmate, the very beautiful, Karen Hartsfield.
Randy was standing, bleeding a bit but ready to run again but Karen stood just inches in front of me blocking my way.
We had eye contact (she knew I was the Blue Streak), then her eyes, those very sexy eyes, drifted down to my crotch, lingered for a moment then back up to my eyes. Then she said,"Bill, you and I really need to get together sometime."

Suddenly, I felt the blood rush to my loins. I was getting a hard-on in front of over 100 people.
I started running, Randy right behind. I ran through the crowd with my semi-hard cock swinging side to side as if it was signaling the crowd to step aside and let us through.
I ran as fast as I could, trying not to think about Karen Hartsfield.
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freakwentflyer

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The missing naked girl

Kirsten, if you're reading this, I hope you don't mind. But I gotta tell it.

I was 24 and living in, Los Angeles. I had recently met 18 yr old, Kirsten H. A very pretty "model/actress" who had just finished working a bit part in the movie "Rumble Fish". She was new to L.A., from San Fransico.
It was the first night I took her out. I picked her up in my '78 Chevy van. It was lined inside with red shag carpet, with a couch that opened to a bed. We had hit several clubs on the Sunset Strip and drank a great deal in the van. We also had smoke pot which (turned out) was new to her. It was time to head back to my house so I left her to rest on the bed in the dark and listen to music which I had turned up fairly loud.
I lived in Burbank which that time of night only took 20-30 minutes drive from West Hollywood.
When I got home, I went into the back of the van only to find all of Kirsten's clothes (including her panties) but NO Kirsten. I looked under the couch, but she was gone.
I thought, my god, she could have got out at any number of red lights I hit along the way. Then, what if she jumped out while I was moving! I was beginning to feel a major freak-out coming on.
Then suddenly I heard a faint cry. Also, in my van was an extremly small sink with a very tiny cabinet under it.
I opened the tiny door and there she was. Balled up naked in a space no one but a contortionist could fit in. She was crying. I said, "are you stuck?" She said, "no". "Then why are you crying?" I asked.
As she unfolded herself out of the cabinet, she said, "because I don't wanna grow up!"
I let her sleep it off at my house.
Three and 1/2 years later she moved out.

We still talk now and then. She's a good friend and successful investment broker, wife and mother living just outside San Fransico.
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WHAT WOULD SCOOBY DO? Posted: 06:35 PM
October 07, 2003 Neros_Neptune

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There's several stories about my dad, he used to tell them to me when I was younger. Who knows if they're all true .. I assume they are.. there are lots more, he was a crazy fuck when he was younger these are the two I remember offhand, they're not that funny really.

First, my dad and his friend nicnamed Goose were drinking and fishing when they were teenagers. Goose kept getting his line caught in a tree, so he decides to cut the tree, only when he's almost done they realize there's a canoe coming almost right under it. He just stops sawing the tree, and they leave like nothing happened.

The other involves dad and Goose too..

Dad and goose were partying in the woods, they needed some good firewood, and since they liked to cause trouble they thought some fence posts would be a good idea. Dad has a vw beetle back then I believe, anyways, they cut some fence posts, put them in the back, and out the right window.. as my dad is driving off one of the fence posts hits a fence post outside that's still standing, and slams Goose into the windshield..

they're funnier when dad tells them

One about my mom...

Her parents never drank and were very strict about her going out.. one night she got totally wasted and came home with her friend. She starts telling her mom about the snakes under the sofa, then she tells her dad, and she's being really really loud about snakes under the sofa, while her friend is trying to get her to go to her room. Her parents never mentioned it, oddly.
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freakwentflyer

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Neros_Neptune,

Thanks! Those are funny stories because they're true.

The fence post story jogged my memory.
Here's another Joel story.

1978, Age 20, Joel and I used money we had just made working on a film to go back to England for a visit. His parents were still there and his brother was graduating from our old high school so we went to the schools senior party at the beach. We were the "cool actor/stuntmen from the states" that they had heard of, so we knew we could end up with some cuties. And we did. Two hot cheerleaders snatched us up. After many drinks we took off in Joel's parents car. A very small British 4 door something.
The girls wanted to know all about our work. Then one asked if we could do a stunt.
The dumb asses that we were, drunk and all, we said sure.
Joel sped up down the winding narrow road as I opened the back door to climb up on the roof. As I started out the door Joel looked back at me not seeing that he was drifting off the road. I got my head just above the top of the door when the side of the car started hitting the embankment on the side of the road slamming the door on my head. It kept slamming over and over for what seemed like forever to me. I tried to pull my head out but it kept slamming, holding me in place.
Finally, he pulled the car back out of the rut and on the road, and I fell back into the car. I was numb. The girls were freaking out. Joel started laughing. So I said, "wanna see it again? Then the girls, now thinking we did that intentionally, laughed with amazement. "You guys are CRAZY!"

No, we didn't get laid that night. But, we had a good time.



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WHAT WOULD SCOOBY DO? Posted: 11:15 AM
October 08, 2003 daisy_chain

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hahaha!

keep them coming! these are so funny! good thing i found this existed, otherwise i'd probably still be feeling down.




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Posted: 03:54 PM
October 08, 2003 scratcho

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Oh shit!

Indeed--I am so fucking dumb sometimes--I dropped a ladder off my truck on the freeway a couple days ago--- the sucker spread across both lanes--cars were swerving and assholes were hollering at me and by the time I got the fucken thing off the road ,I could have put it in my pocket!Jeez--People won't slow down for nothin'.But it made me think of another act of genius that I was able to acomplish some years back.I was home on a weekend from Fort Ord (national Guard-6 mos. active duty).I had a date on a saturday night and borrowed my Dad's brand new Desoto--a really fine looking 2 door car with the big fins and all.Well- a bunch of us went to a party and then to the country to dance and drink beer.It's all country around here--and my hometown was about 2000 pop. then ,so we didn't have to go far.It had been windy all day and was still really blowing.Later, my date and I took off and I was taking her home, with the wind howling like hell--she lived on a farm about halfway between 2 roads --the roads being a mile apart going north and south.We were heading east and when we got to the 1st road,there was a yellow sawhorse with a flashing light,and naturally I thought "what the hell is that all about?,but not really giving a shit.We pulled into her place,played smacky-mouth for a while and then she went in.I took off and wanted to see how that Desoto could haul ass!I stomped her and reached for my cigs at almost the same time.Well ,I guess I was doing about 40 or 50 when I hit the goddamn tree.Oh I didn't run off the road--no--there was a giant eucalyptus tree across the road due to the wind (hence the sawhorse--DUH)and I had launched me an the Desoto all up into it!I was still half drunk and could not believe what had happened.I was thinking at this point that maybe I could just back out,but when I stepped on the gas ,the wheels just spun.OK--plan B--fuck--what the hell was plan B?Whatever plan B was ,I knew it involved me getting out of the car.SO I got out and promptly fell through branches,leaves,dust and all ,about 6 fuckin feet!How I got that car buried up in there that high,I couldn't guess.When I got myself together and fought my way out of the foliage--I went back and humbly asked my dates' dad if he would pull me off the tree with his tractor.He did --with only the loss of a bumper--and I was on my way.On the way home there,was such a screeching sound coming from the front of that beautifull Desoto,that I was afraid for her life.About halfway home--a loud BANG--sparks flying by the drivers window and the goddamned left front wheel and tire were keeping pace with me.The damn thing pulled right over the lugnuts and was racing alongside the drivers door.Fuck me---well ,I got her stopped ,grinding off part of the brake drums in the process,collected the wheel and tire and drove the poor thing home.So here I am --sitting in the driveway--the lovely Desoto--front end smashed-back -bumper sticking out of the back seat--left front brake ground off about a third--scratches and dents on the rest of it--drunk and unlaid --and the sun's coming up.What can a poor boy do.Haul ass--thats what!Chickenshit bastard that I was--I didn't come back for a year.The car was never mentioned and I supposed it wouldn't have been wise to even ASK him what kind of a car he was driving! scratcho-------ain't life grand?

 

freakwentflyer

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Life IS grand, Scratcho!

You know, people are gonna start thinking we're making this shit up.
I've got many more to tell when I get the time. I left a message for my friend Joel (in a few of my stories) to help jog my memory. I know he has some good ones to tell (the David Cassidy story).
I know you gotta have a few more, Sratcho.

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WHAT WOULD SCOOBY DO? Posted: 02:34 PM
October 09, 2003 whatnow

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to: natures little girl

remember you can always breath thru your mouth Posted: 03:21 PM
October 09, 2003 scratcho

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yup

Yeah flyer--I know--some of this stuff seems unbelievable,-but some of us actually live all this stuff.Can you imagine NOT having lived it.Looking back on my life--I realize I"ve had more fun,( and that includes stupid shit and otherwise), than several hundred people are supposed to have!Nobody ,other than you ,seems to comment on my stories,so maybe I'm not believed by most in here--but I'm not in the habit of making shit up--so if you keep 'em coming ---so will I.I got a bunch more--hell--I'm still makin' em!--------ain't life grand?----scratcho Posted: 10:08 PM
October 09, 2003 hippieandproudofit

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Acratcho..i didnt reply..but i just wanna say i love your stories dude!! there entertaining as hell...and i enjoyed..peace out
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If you wanna chat on MSN...my user name @hotmail.com.... Posted: 07:24 PM
October 10, 2003

 

RoamingHippy

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Great stories freakwentflyer and scratcho! I have had many a fun time, although I can't seem to think of any that rival yours. I don't really have the story telling gene, but I'll try.

A couple of friends and I went merrily into a small forest bordering out suburb to smoke some pot. All of the trees were dropping this cotton like seed shit. There was about a foot of it blanketing the entire ground. We thought it would be pretty cool to light it on fire. It kept burning away from us in a half circle until we realized we were fuct. It continued to light leaves, trees, any everything in-between on fire. We tried to put it out but it was useless. The sky was covered in smoke and the trees were burning! We heard the sirens so we decided to make haste. Further in the forest my friend told me about his discovery upon a stash of porn magazines. He said he was going back for them, what the fuck? He wanted me to wait but I ran like hell. It's wasn't very funny at the time, I thought the police were going to be knocking on my door for about 2 weeks there.

Another time me and a friend were walking around stoned[like usual]. Anyways, we were munching.. this time on KFC popcorn chicken. My friend was having a good time feeding the seagulls chicken. All of a sudden he straightens and tenses his whole body. I was wondering what was up because just a moment ago we were laughing like maniacs. He slowly reaches for his neck with his free-hand. I was asking him what was wrong and he declares that a bird had shit on him. The shit was watery and gooey and dripped down his back. I found it pretty funny at the time.

Umm.. another time a couple of friends and I were stoned and one of them proclaimed that he needed to take a piss. Well every time in our past escapades I had found it amusing to chase him full-throttle while he was doing the deed. It was even funnier when he came back walking slowly and embarrassed with piss covering the front off his pants. Anyways, this time he had wizened up and took off a hundred yards of so, over this hill so that I couldn't see or chase him. So I was chillin' with my friend waiting for the other when I got the idea to throw rocks at him. So I picked up a few rocks and started flailing them aimlessly in his direction. I really thought nothing of it and had no intention of hitting him. So he comes back with the same sort of drawn out walk and as he closes in I see that the front of his pants are indeed soaked. My friend and I thought this was hilarious and we had to hear what happened. He tells me that there were rocks nailing the fence behind him and one of them actually hit in the leg! I guess it is cruel, but no one got hurt.



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Just another new age hippy on the road of life. Posted: 08:52 AM
October 11, 2003 freakwentflyer

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RoamingHippy,

Thanks, for the image of your friend dodging flames and cops to save his porn stash.LOL

 

fettaicecream

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Damn you guys got some pretty interesting lifes. I don't have anything interesting unless... When I was like eight me and one of my friends would collect our piss in gatorade bottels, I stored it outside and when my parents were cleaning the outside they found it. I was so so so damn scared. Luckily since it was in a gatorade container they thought it was gatorade. I stoped collecting my piss after that...
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scratcho

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a pisser!

Feta-You are certainly lucky nobody took a swig of that"gatorade".I don"t know why you saved your piss,but I'll tell you why I saved mine.In my little hometown of 2000,there was a tradition on Halloween of water balloon fights.And I mean every person from 7 or 8 up to college age and older participated in gigantic balloon fights all over town after trick or treating.If anyone drove down main street--including the cops--they got pelted Halloween night.Imagine every clique of people ,from 2 to maybe a dozen or two people on foot, to teenagers in pickups ,to kids on downtown rooftops throwing water balloons at everybody and anybody who showed their faces.And NEVER any fights.Just didn't happen.A giant free-for all- that was fun as hell.When I moved back here some years back,it wasn"t done any more.I guess you'd get shot these days.Anyway,my buddy Richard and I found a 5 gallon sprayer that that had a long 2 piece handle with an oriface about the size of a healthy piss hole and when pumped would shoot about 30 feet!( see where I'm going?)Well Richard and I had taken a horrendus wetting the year before,from a group of 18 and 19 year olds and we weren't about to forget it!(we were 10 or 11)Those balloons hurt too,if you're smashed in the face with 'em.So we kept that sprayer in our clubhouse and pissed in it 'till it was full.We knew all the little hiding places in the neighborhood-the good bushes to hide behind-the places we grew up with,as little ones.The 1st time those assholes we were gunning for came by in the back of a pickup ,looking to soak somebody--we gave 'em a few good shots of rotten smelling piss.The windows were open so we got all of em'front and back!The truck screeched to a stop and we could hear them cussing and carrying on --"back up--lets get those little fuckers!"Shit-we were already gone to our next hiding place on the other end of the block--primed and ready.They came around the block--looking around and hollering and shit--"come out you little bastards--we"re gonna kick your asses!"Well-we really soaked the shit out of "em from our dark hiding place and were gone again--.This went on for 2 or 3 more times and they finally gave up and went on their disgustingly piss-soaked way vowing to kick the shit out of us next time they saw us!It was a bluff--those dumb fucks never found out who it was(until I told them years later) and we gloated in silence as the rest of the town heard about how the self important big shots got theirselves soaked in piss by a bunch of little kids!------------------ain't life grand?------------------------------------------scratcho Posted: 05:42 PM
October 12, 2003

 

RoamingHippy

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I don't really have any wild stories that I can remember.. I was always a cautious one. My dad and his old hippy buddies have a lot of good stories though. They are a different breed of story though; more on the side of funny but not embarrassing. It's hard to convey the humor of them over the internet. Not to mention I don’t have/remember the details to make them imaginable. They had plenty of escapades including canoeing down rivers with more booze than food, going on road trips in my dads van, growing pot, excessive drinking, psychedelics, concerts, backpacking around South America, women, and so on. One of my dad’s friends was a pilot and was deeply involved in the smuggling of drugs. Another of my dad’s friends was one of the pioneers of hydroponics pot on Vancouver Island. They all lived in a huge old house in the ghetto of Vancouver at one point. I’m sure there are many a story that he hasn’t told me, maybe I’ll hear em someday. They definitely had a lot of good times; and I hope to continue in his footsteps.
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Just another new age hippy on the road of life. Posted: 10:53 PM
October 12, 2003 SmilinInTheTreeTops

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Accidently had sex on a poison ivy vine

Lesson learned! Back about ten years ago I met a guy for lunch and after a couple glasses of wine, we went out in a little forested area behind the restaurant and got al ittle frisky. After about 30 minutes of rolling around in the beauty of mother nature, with the sun out full force and our sweat glands working overtime, we parted ways. Two days later I was at the doctors office with poison ivy on 90% of my body. haha. I ran into my friend the next day and he was in the same boat. This little poison ivy excapade cost 2 doctor visits, 2 round of shots and pills, everything from oatmeal baths, bleach baths, old Indian remedies and everything on the pharmacy shelf. I missed out 2 weeks of work and was the laughing stock of my group of friends for years. Wasn`t really funny at the time...felt like I could scratch myself to death. Posted: 12:59 PM
October 14, 2003 DoDaMan

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When my exwife and I started dating, she stayed with me for a week. While I was at work, she was going thru some video tapes I had and saw a tape labeled "kick boxer". Decieded to watch it. Instead of kick boxer, she watch a tape of a exgirlfriend and I doing it doggie style! Just forgot it was in there........

 

freakwentflyer

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Ta-kill-ya

Sometime in the late 80's I was at my old buddy Bruce's party. (Bruce passed away at age 31, from the excess that we all indulged in at the time. I wish we had all learned moderation earlier, he'd still be with us. I miss him.)

Anyway, the party was great. He had invited the new girl from the office (not as a date), can't remember her name so just for fun I'll call here, SlenderBlondeGirl. She was 19 and new to L.A., straight from a small town in Idaho. She an I had flirted a bit at the office so I was looking foward to seeing her let her hair down.
When she arrived, she and I couldn't stay away from one another. After a few drinks (and other intoxicants) we couldn't keep our hands off each other.
Then my freindly rival from the office, Steve showed up with a mental bullseye of his own on SlenderBlondeGirl.
He brought the tequilla.

"Come on Bill, SlenderBlondeGirl, let's do some shots!"
SBG said,"I can drink any of you guys under the table!"
At the time I could out drink just about anyone (now just about anyone can out drink me) so I took on the challange.

I don't recall what happened immediately after that but later I was aware of a big tree above me and a street curb inches from my face as I was filling it with liquified party food. Then there was water spraying near me then on me as the lawn sprinklers came on (on a timer). I was soaked. Someone shut off the sprinklers, then rolling over on my back I saw Steve and SlenderBlondeGirl looking down at me. Steve-"Bill, what the fuck man, you look like shit buddy. Hey, you got some puke on my car!"
SBG-"Is this your car?" She looks excitedly at the black BMW I had aparently puked on.
She then leaned down to me and shook my wet hand."Bill, I had a great time, I hope you feel better."

She then stepped over me and into Steve's car. They drove off with me lying on the ground, resuming my hurling.
Bruce and his girlfriend came out with a blanket and moved me further from the curb up against the tree.
I said, "Steve wormed my girl".
Bruce said, "what would you do with her now if you had her,
challenge her to a puking contest?"

Within a year, Steve and SBG were married with a baby on the way. Last I heard they had two kids then were divorced.
When ever I talk to Steve, which is rare all these years later, he always says, "do any tequilla shots lately?"


aquarat

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Gender: Female
Posts: 35
the festival

hi freak went flying and scratcho. Thanks for the stories. i have enjoyed a night of big bellie laughs. Some of these stories should be published. We kneed more books filled with hilarous adventures. My favourites where The tale of the flaming rush lol. The monkey ( im giggling so hard now just remebering them), I can hardly type. And what woman could go past the electric shock dick. lol. So anyway here one of mine. This story took place about two years ago. My sister a high paid radio personality. Single 33 buys me recently divorced 29 year old struggling mother of two. A ticket to the hottest festival in my most favourite spiritual town. Bryon bay australia. My sister and her friends, had rented this swish apartment for the week overlooking the beach. There was eight people staying there, when i rocked up for the weekend. Here i am old mother hippie thrown in to a house full of people my own age for once. All extremely successfull. You could say i was feeling a bit out of place. Anyway im building here. On the second day of festival partying we woke up at the apartment and had a wicked joint with our eggs and coffee. And it was then decided i was to drive. Well me stoned because it dosent happen offen. Is a sight to see but me stoned driving, is stupid. Miracously i got us back too the the festival alive. I parked my car in the endless rows of cars parked on the grass. After a day and night of festing. (Where in a mosh i managed to lose my expensive reading glasses.lol.) On our way to the car we managed to pick up a extremely cute local surf hippie who needed a ride home. The girls where saying go for it amber because they new it had been a while, and were chatting. And im thinking to good to be true. So we start searching the endless rows of cars. And my sister says look some poor stoner has left there lights on. And as we get closer we realize that it was our car. And the girls start to rib me. And then realize not only did i leave the lights on i had left the car engine running. Yes all day and all night there was just enough petrol left to get us home. And to drop home the cute surfy who i was now to embarrased to look at. lol And of course as soon as we got home they ran inside with me behind them begging them not to tell everyone. but they did and after disbelief was hours of laughter and jokes at my expense.
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love light and laughter Posted: 08:30 AM
October 19, 2003 scratcho

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me too.

Aquarat--Hi----I thought I was goofy falling asleep one day and letting my truck run all day--but you win.Glad you enjoyed the stories---got a bunch more--will probably put another one or two in soon.Good idea about maybe putting some stories in some kind of book form---I'd be up for it---maybe flyer would be too--he's got some funny -ass stories and more to come ,I'm sure. And others too.--------------------------------Australia-----ah--I've always wanted to come there--Ever since I was a teen and read about digging Opals at Coober Pedy.Dead dream # 123.---------------------------bye-bye---scratcho Posted: 01:58 PM
October 19, 2003

 

Applespark

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I don't have many really halarious sex stories. Once we almost got cought doing it in my bf's moms room. I told him his mom would come back upstairs after she left and he insisted it was safe. there were other people in the appartment so we snuck off in there and just as we layed a towel down on the floor and i was practicly naked his mom comes in the place and knocks on her door..saying whatcha doin in there and he says ohhh uh Rose is getting dressed. She went and announced it to her friends we were cought.

And then theres this one time we were doin it on the couch and by brother came out to have a bowl of cerial so we were like on the couch pants down under the blanket in missionary pretending to watch a movie...very weird situation.

And that time we took a crapload of nasty pictures withour diggy cam and our very good friend saw every one of them while were sleeping one night.




freakwentflyer

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Another Kirsten story.

Hey Applespark and Dewed,
No Dewed, I don't sell any off-springs in my store though I hear there's a loveseat somewhere in England that looks an awful lot like me.
Applespark, did you keep going for it while your brother ate his cerial? Love daring women.

SIX FLAGS MAGIC MOUNTAIN, CA
I told a story about Kirsten in an earlier thread, when she was 18. I spoke with her on the phone recently and told her about this thread. She reminded me of another story. One that I may have already told (but was lost when the site went down). She refreshed my memory on it.

This wasn't the only time we were kicked out of Magic Mountain but it's the best story.

Shit! I gotta go, forgot about a meeting- I'll come back and finish tonight.

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WHAT WOULD SCOOBY DO? Posted: 10:30 AM
October 24, 2003 freakwentflyer

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SIX FLAGS MAGIC MOUNTAIN

One saturday afternoon back in the early 80's, my former girlfriend and still good friend, Kirsten and I were in the Japanese Garden at Six flags magic mountain. It was at the top of a hill at the end of a path.
There was absolutely no one in the garden.
So we started getting a little affectionate. Which turned into her bent over a bench with her skirt pulled up and me, pants around my ankles right behind.
I was confident I could see if anyone was coming into the garden before they saw us. We were at the top of a hill and I could see down the only way anyone would come.
As I became more and more into the moment, I tilted my head back looking up at the beautiful sunny sky enjoying nature at it's finest.
Then in the corner of my eye, I spotted something.
It was the tower. At the top of the tower was a crowd of people waving. Some using those coin operated telescopes.
Though being an amusement park I could here yelling and screaming all around, these people were yelling and screaming at us. We were the amusement.
As I quickly pulled up my pants and Kirsten adjusted her skirt and panties, I waved back at the crowd as we headed down the hill.
Half way down, park security headed up the hill toward us.
They weren't so bad. They said because they didn't actually see us at it they weren't going to involve the police. They said that we have to leave and that if we ever come back to remember "this is a family park".
To which I replied,(I don't recall this but Kirsten says I said it)"exactly, and we're just trying to start a family!"


A RELATED STORY
Some friends and I dicided to go drop acid at Disneyland. Because lighting up a joint there is too risky, we brought along "brownies".
We got there early in the AM and dropped. It wasn't long before we got into the brownies. We had a LOT of brownies.
The problem was, the more we ate, the more munchies we got so we ate more brownies.
Sometime in the late afternoon, park security was prodding us trying to wake us up. We had all passed out tripping on the rocks of Tom Sawyers Island. Security said it took forever to wake us. We had to deal with security, told them we had been up for two days. They let us go.
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Applespark

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I'm laughing. I love your six flags story.

And by the way I didn't keep going because at the time we were like 16 and my brother didn't know we were having sex there. I didn't want to get into trouble.

I have had sex in the hall of a grade school. On some playground toys. In my bf's car in the appartment parking lot ( it was rocking) and other places I cannot remember but..never in a place that I knew I was going to be seen. I am too self concious. And I don't want to get arrested. Posted: 11:06 AM
October 26, 2003
scratcho

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Back in '74 when I moved to Oregon from Hawaii,my girlfriend at the time,who was from Lincoln City,Ore--and I,opened a little art gallery on a strip of antique stores,a doll and dollhouse store and a restaurant.The restaurant was a great place and I used to show movies there before VCR's.The female owner was an old friend of my girl friends' and had some art work of my friend's on the walls--and she worked there from time to time.OK.I used to shut my little shop down when the tourists thinned out and go the couple hundred paces to the restaurant, drink coffee and bullshit with the characters who worked there.I used to have this goofy -ass routine where I bent over,jumped up and down,gave peace signs with both hands and farted like a mule!Used to get a few laughs --but the cook at the restaurant thought it was the funniest fucken thing he'd ever seen.So one day,I go into the joint to have some coffee and such-and the owner and the waitresses are literally on the floor in the kitchen laughing so hard ,they couldn't even tell me what the hell they were so out of control about!Finally one of the girls told me the cook,Chuck,who admired my little routine,had copied me while he was cooking and shit his pants!She said the look on his face--horrified helplessness, was fucken priceless.She said he duck -walked out the door and gingerly sat down on his recently acquired load of shit and took off to clean up,change and come back to work.They were so entirely cracked up when I came in,because the dumb ass had run out of gas,duck-walked up the road to a pay phone and needed a ride.-------just goes to show ya'.-----------------ain't life grand?--------scratcho Posted: 07:18 PM
October 30, 2003
Sus

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I'm sorry, I don't have an ilncredibly outrageous story to tell, but I read this post, and damn near laughed my ass off...this is my first visit here, I think...I will have to come back more often! Posted: 07:50 PM
October 30, 2003 SmilinInTheTreeTops

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Ha Ha! That is too funny Scratcho. Reminds me of the time we were camped out and my son who was about 12 at the time, had to take a shit. He was up in the woods, pulled his pants down and sqatted. Shit right on them. So the next thing I hear "Mom, turn your head." And I just give him hell and keep up the "what for" for awhile and then finally I do. Here he comes down the hill heading straight for the lake and I turn my head towards him and there he is doing the duckwalk with his pants around his ankles with a big shit pile on them, his little bare ass just a shinin. Laughed til I phyically hurt.
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freakwentflyer

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HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Those two "crappy" stories sure cheered me up this morning.

My only related story I can recall is, once when I was about 18, my younger brother (16) was in the only bathroom we had, for a long time. Tired of waiting I banged on the door and said, "come on hurry up, I GOTTA TAKE A SHIT! After a short pause the door cracked open and I saw my brothers hand pop out down by the floor. He had taken one of his own turds out of the toilet and laid it outside the door on the floor. Shutting the door again, he said, "you can take that one, but that's all you get".

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show your ass at-
http://www.hipforums.com/viewthread.php3?TID=114451 Posted: 10:28 AM
October 31, 2003 Cin

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hey ChinaCatStarflower, your glowstick story reminded me of a pool party I went to a while ago

These 2 kids, Matt and Tyler, found a couple glow sticks in the house and decided they wanted some camo that night. So they head into the bathroom, break them open and start spreading the stuff on their faces. Well it turns out that Matt was allergic to whatever is in those sticks. So Tyler runs out to the pool with glowing patterns on his face and sreams that Matt is swelling up real bad and everybody rushes inside. His parents drove him to the hospital sortly thereafter.
I can just image the nurses' screams when they saw Matt's glowing, swelled up face.
lol..... oh good times, good times

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"Of all the imaginary friends I've had, I don't think there was one that I didn't end up having to kill."

http://farstrider.net/DeepThoughts/Handey.htm Posted: 03:48 AM
November 05, 2003 Cin

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damn it Im stupid!

a lot of you have probably done this, but Im posting it anyway...

smoking a pipe can be dangerous you know. This past Friday, me and a couple friends were getting high in my car; it was my turn to take a hit and they just told me to finish it. So I start sucking (Im alredy high from previous hits) and I see the pot light up a little, so I suck a little harder and it lights up even more! WHOA, DUDE! I start sucking as hard as I can. The other 2 guys look at me and at the same time, "ah, you might wanna.."
And then the pot starts on fire and I suck the fire right through the pipe; left a big burn mark down my tongue it did.
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"Of all the imaginary friends I've had, I don't think there was one that I didn't end up having to kill."

http://farstrider.net/DeepThoughts/Handey.htm Posted: 04:07 AM
November 05, 2003 Applespark

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wtf lol

 

scratcho

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runnin' fool!

Back in 59',my big-shot banker dad,(dickhead to the core)hit a bridge,drunk, on a saturday and kept going to my gramma's house and sprawled out to take a nap.Soon, a cop knocked on the door and arrested my dad for hitting the bridge while drunk and taking off.He didn't realise my dad and the chief of police were old friends,so what happened was --all charges were dropped--it didn't even make the paper--and the cop got his ass chewed out BIG_TIME.Well--the cop ,I'm sure, felt humiliated and very pissed.Just how pissed,I soon found out!5 of us friends were sitting in another friends car waiting for him to get off work at midnight and the same cop came by and saw me in the car.He wheeled around ,squeeled his tires and slid to a stop next to us.The bastard jumped out,jerked the door open and told me to get the fuck out.I asked what the hell for and he said "I'll find something".Well,there was 1 can of unopened beer in the glove box--he found it and arrested me for possession.He tried to manhandle me,but being 6'3" and 200 lbs,that didn't work for him too well,but I finally agreed to get in the police car and was taken away to meet my fate.O.K--I spent a couple of weekends in jail and on a monday or tuesday right after I got out of jail(built in 1880!)I and a couple of buddies were driving back to town after buying some beer at a country store.I had a 50'Olds and had 2 6-packs stuffed under the dashboard,pretty well hidden.All of a sudden--red light right behind us!Oh --son of a bitch--my heart was pounding and I was in full panic mode!We stop--he heads directly for the passenger door where I'm sitting--opens the door --says"you boys got any beer?"No officer--we chorused like a bunch of 3rd graders.Meanwhile--I can hardly fuckin'breathe--he orders us out--I get out--look around franticly--I'm not going back to that shithole jail--and ran about ten steps,cleared a barb -wire fence--and hauled ass for anywhere but there!He hollers "Stop or I'll shoot"I was fucken' booken',really churnin'some shit up--and I remember thinking--'you better shoot now motherfucker,'cause in about 3 seconds,you're gonna'need a goddamn deer rifle to hit my ass!Well-he fired a shot,but it being dark,I don'tknow where it went.Now here's what really pisses me off--my friends told the highway patrolman that I was a hitchhiker----they didn't know me--and the fucker let them GO!WITH THE BEER!They Left in MY CAR,went to MY HOUSE and partied!I,of course was 8 miles in the country,trying to get home through wet farmlands of all kinds--pitch black--ran right into a 5 foot deep ditch--smacked into 2 electric fences(oh fuck -that hurts!)and was muddy from head to toe!I don't know why--but somthing tells me that if I"d stayed at the car --we would have gone to jail.-------------ain't life grand?-------------------------------------scratcho Posted: 06:32 PM
November 11, 2003

freakwentflyer

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Good one Scratcho!

Hey, your old man was a dickhead too!

My father would always make my brother and I "stick around" the house on saturdays to do some job. We'd ask what it was so we could get it done early to go do something with our friends. But he would make us wait until noon because he would have to think of something. And usually it was something foolish, like raking leaves during high winds. If I talked back to him, he'd say, "you wanna knot on your head boy?"
So often I wanted to say, "no, but a pretty blue ribbon would be nice!"
Anyway, one day he had us drag out the old family tent from the shed, open and set it up to give it a good cleaning.(not that we ever used it). It was very old and heavy, made of canvas. Not like the new nylon tents today.
We had a hard time getting it up due to wind. We even asked if we could wait till Sunday because of the wind.
Of course he said no.
Now my brother and I always knew when there was a comercial on TV, because that's when he would come out of the house with a baloney sandwich in one hand and a Budwieser in the other. He'd come out to supervise for about two minutes, then duck back in to see who John Wayne would kill next.
The wind was getting really bad and we couldn't keep the tent secure, we had to keep putting the tent pegs back in the ground.
On dad's third or forth inspection, sandwich and beer in hand, he came out and walked into the tent, with us standing outside. Just as he walked in, a big gust of wind picked the entire tent up off the ground about 6 feet blowing it into a ball across the yard. My bro and I looked at each other, knowing that we were laughing our asses off secretly inside.
We slowly ran to the tent to help him out. He was covered in baloney sandwich and Budwieser.
He just said, "pack the damn thing up", then went back in to check on John Wayne.

 

scratcho

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got him

Oh yeah--------my dad was a dickhead.But I couldn't fool around with him --he trained my uncle ,his brother,as a heavyweight boxer in the 30s--they both were tough as hell.I witnessed a fight they had with 5 guys,one with a knife---and I saw 5 fools get severely whipped.But one time-when I was in the 8th grade I got a lick in,much to my own amusement,of course.On a Saturday,he was laid up taking a nap and my step sister and her mom were out somewhere.OOOOO--brilliant idea, Joel thought to himself!I went into the bathroom and got some lipstick and eye shit-shadow ,I guess it's called.I artfully painted a giant pair of lips on him,which included his lips and beyond.Then I smeared some eye shit on his lids---Oh believe me--I was careful--very careful.He'd obviously been drinking or I would have been in big trouble.Then-- brilliant idea #2.Shit I wasn't going to wait around to see what would happen soooo--I lined up a bunch of wooden matches above the sole of one of his shoes.Used to be known as a hotfoot.Ok-- I swear what happened next couldn't have worked out any better!I lit the matches on his shoe--they flamed up and were burning the shit out of the side of his shoe--I was peeking around the corner with my escape all planned and he was beginning to stir.Now this could be right out of a movie---exactly as he started to shake his foot and wake up,this dumb --ass salesman banged on the front door---he jumped up shaking his foot, headed for the door,jerked it open and hollered 'what the hell do you want?"Oh shit--this was too perfect--I wish I had a picture of that guys face as he rapidly backed across the lawn mumbling "I'm sorry--I'm sorry over and over.My dad slammed the door,headed for the bathroom and said whats wrong with that asshole?Well-he was about to find out and that's when I took my leave!I heard him yelling various obscenities--and my name---I guess he looked in the mirror -- and that's when I stayed with friends for a while.Quite a while.---------------------------------------------ain't life grand?----scratcho Posted: 10:10 PM
November 11, 2003 freakwentflyer

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Holy shit Scratcho,
When you were a kid, how the hell did you fit those giant balls in your pants?

Another one about dad.

One night he was out working in his work shed in the back yard. I was about 9. My mother and I were in the kitchen, when we heard a loud bang and a scream, we quickly turned to look out the sliding glass door, and saw, in the dark, my father running across the yard on fire, then rolling on the grass.
He had laid his cigarette on the counter, which then rolled off falling into an open gasoline can down by his feet.
Luckily for him he was a hairy guy and had on his heavy work clothes. No serious burns.


That same time period, I was 9, my brother 7, my mother had been hounding him for never doing anything with "the boys".
So one day, sick of hearing it from her, he loads the two of us into the car. We lived in Tucson AZ at the time.
We head out into the desert. About an hour later we are in Mexico. In some very small bourder town. He parks in front of some old building, tells us to sit tight. He goes and gets us some ice cream cones, then tells us to wait in the car till he gets back. He was gone for over an hour. It was hot in the car with the windows up, so we had finished the ice creams in about 3 min. so they wouldn't melt down our arms. Scary strange people stared at us sitting in the car.
On the way home dad seemed to be in a good mood.
It wasn't till I was much older that it dawned on me that he had gotten a hooker.
That was the best time I ever had with my dad. Well, that and the fire,... and the tent blowing down. It's so hard to pick just one.
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flowerchild17

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Well... I have a few... not all relating to me directly but to some of my friends...

I'll start off with one about my friend Jake. About 7 of us marching band people were down in my best friends basement, but Jake had about 9 grams of shrooms in him, and was totally gone. I mean GONE... the rest of us there were pretty mcuh stoned off our asses (except for me, I wanted to keep clean for something happenin the next day) and all the sudden Jake starts heading toward this broken stereo speaker sittin in the corner of the room. It didnt' have all the coverings... and was pretty much worthless, my friend had destroyed it a couple days ago... for some strange reason. But anyway, Jake quickly pulls down his pants, and starts stickin it into one of the holes in this broken speaker. And anyone still kinda together in this room starts fuckin freakin out... not really knowing what to do, fearing he might 'injure himself.' His girlfriend who's sitting about five feet away rolls over laughing... but then falls into the speaker he's fucking... knocks it over, and breaks the wall. Jake was lucky... he himself was not injured too bad... had a couple scrapes in delicate areas, but nothing that wouldn't go away soon. He had to pay to fix the wall... but his girlfriend got it worse I think, when she fell into the speaker and the wall she wound up breaking her arm and getting a nasty black eye...

That's all I have for now, but that's just another strange thing on the list of things drugged up folks have tried to have sex with...

 

freakwentflyer

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LOL That's a great one!

Quote Flowerchild17-
About 7 of us marching band people were down in my best friends basement, but ......
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That's like "American Pie" and "That 70's Show" rolled together!
Your friend is a true audiophile.

Love to here those other stories you have!
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flowerchild17

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From: Greenfield, Wisconsin, USA
Age: 14
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Haha it really is American Pie and That 70's Show rolled together isn't it? I guess it kinda makes sense... I live in Wisconsin, and for our marching band at my high school American Pie is the official anthem... and we do always wind up down in someone's basement...

But let's see if this one's any good...


Alright this is about my best friend/ex boyfriend Matt. He's a little bit older than I... (I'm 13 and he's 18) But we were together for awhile, and we only had to break up because he was moving to the other end of the state. We're still trying to remain good friends, because I really miss not having him in my daily life anymore... But anyway, I was up visiting him at his new place up north, and they had just gotten a fresh 12" blanket of snow. So as a present from all of us marching band people we got money together and bought him this really kcik ass $250 snowboard. Since no one else could make it up to see him, I told everyone I'd give it to him and say it was from all of us. So I get up there and Matt and I are sittin around, and it's about 2 am, and well we're both fuckin stoned as stoned can be, and he decides he wants to take the new snowboard for a test run, in the dark, while it's snowing. Me being as stupid as him, I say alright and we head outside to this big ass hill. He straps himself in, and tells me to record his first run. (I had brought a camcorder outside, I knew this would be too good to miss) So he's goin down this hill, screaming, and since it was so dark and the snow was picking up I couldnt' see him anymore. I could hear him, so I'm tryin to find him... then alas I hear this huge THUD and him screaming "SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAH HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" so I follow his voice and found him, finding his new snowboard cracked in half, along with his left leg too. He had crashed it into the BIGGEST tree on his property, with a diameter of about 12 FEET. But we managed to get him to his place and get to a hospital, and get his leg fixed and such. It was jsut hte greatest story ever... becuase Matt has always had this war with trees... he can't avoid them, he runs into them, and frankly I'm afraid to be in the same car with him for fear of crashing into one. Trees will probably be his demise someway or somehow, he'll more than likely go on some insane rampage trying to cut down all the trees so he'll stop hurting himself, but in the process get squashed...
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Yes.... I do try to be careful and such, but I think because of some things that happened to me when I was younger, I matured a lot faster than a lot of people do at this age, and I've always hung out with the 17+ highschool/college crowd, I have VERY few people my own age who I could call 'friends'. So I see and do what they see and do, and I find that the band people are seemingly stranger than most...

But here's one about ME finally...


For those of you who dont know, I played in a marching band garage band, called The Dream Police. Mainly taht group of people, and I led the band, named the band, wrote most of the songs for the band, and plays alto/tenor sax, drums guitar, and keyboard for the band at different times and such, so basically it was MY band. (not to mention I had came up with the idea that we should all form one) We had gotten pretty good, so we entered a Battle Of the Bands competition taking place close to us. We planned out what we were gonna play (a strange song of mine called Discopants and Snowshoes) and we made some tiny perfections to it and got ready to go. So the day finally comes, and we're up on stage in front of like 1,000 people. We start playing and we're doin really well, and we're gettin ready for our big finaly, and on I'm supposed to do a roll on the snare and and then hit the floor tom next to me, but when I go to hit the tom I miss, hit the rim, and my drumstick breaks in half. It was the first time time that had happened to me, in a show anyway, and I freak out and let out a loud, high pitched scream, BUT then the other half of the drumstick goes flying, hits my bass player in the head (Matt from the other snowboarding sotry) and hits him so hard it knocks him out cold. he falls over onto my drumset, knocks me off the stool, and I fall back and hit my head really hard. The other people in the band fall over laughing, and the half the crowd sits in complete silence, whil the other half seems to fall over laughing too. But Matt comes to, and I try at least to get it together and clean up the set and make sure Matt's bass is ok. But we do get it all together and nothing got damaged (except maybe Matt and my's brains) and of all things, we won too! And all we had to do for $500 was knock out a bass player, knock over a $1000 drumset, and make the drummer fall on her ass! Well worth it in the end, if you ask me...
___________scratcho

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Saturday --the 22nd of Nov--

Wow---40 years ago today--I was leaving Coalinga,Cal to take my 63' Triumph Bonneville TT-120 to Fresno with a friend named Lee Mott,to get my Bike worked on--President Kennedy was shot and all of us alive at that point remember exactly where we were and all other circumstances of that day.The nation stopped and everyone was glued to the boob tube for quite a while.Then of course,the government bullshit started.Changed my life forever.Radicalized me.Made me drop out.Made me open to alternative ways of looking at the govt. and the world.And taught me that whatever the reps. of government say--the opposite is invariably true.Well--it was my choice to do what I've done--fuck it ---I still believe it would be a differant world now if the Kennedy brothers and Martin l. King could have made it.Lust for money,power and --also hate---did them in.The lust is still around --isn't it?------becomes a disease---sorry to put this in the couch fuckin'thread---just an impulse on this day--November 22nd---2003---------scratcho Posted: 03:45 PM
November 22, 2003

 

scratcho

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Fun with teachers

I was going to say-the clerk was a lucky man---oh well.------Ok,when I was a freshman in high school,I was in the orchestra(or was it band?)and was playing the tuba.There was a stupid song called shaboom and when we came to a certain part,we would stop and everyone would holler SHABOOM as loud as possible--well of course,I was way too fuckin' cool to be hollering any shaboom,or anything else for that matter.(tuba? cool?shee-it)Any way,I never did say that shit and the teacher noticed and made it a point to tell me to holler it at this concert we were doing,and at the appropriate time ---so shit --ok.Now I don't know how this happened--but in concert the music was humming along and I figured what the hell--I'm gonna blast that shit at the top of my lungs.Here comes the right time and I bellowed SHABOOM as loud as I could--my voice even broke I yelled so LOUD!All well and good--the only problem was--I was the only dumbass that hollered!Of course the audience broke up--the teachers face contorted into a horrible scarlet mask and he just pointed to the back door of the stage---end of tuba career for scratcho! Posted: 04:55 PM
November 23, 2003 scratcho

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From: Lemoore,CA,U.S.A
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Posts: 281
Fun with teachersart two

I was on the swimming team in high school, but really just to see the girls in their bathing suits--but I fuckin' hate being cold.I mean hate that shit!(I guess thats why my kids used to get a big kick out of dumping ice water over the top of the shower to hear me scream like a wounded animal.God dammit--I was wounded!)The weather was getting cold as hell--so I was tired of getting in that cold pool.I mean my nutsack would disappear for days!So I pulled one on the swimming teacher.I went up to him and asked if he could pull my arm down.(up against my chest with my fist close to my chin).I tightened up--he strained and after a bit my arm came down.I said to let me try to pull his down--he agreed.Well, he wasn't about to let some high school punk out muscle him--Besides I was 6'3" and strong--so he really tighened er' up.I grabbed his fist and started to pull down--he was pretty strong-but I got his fist to where it was almost straight out from his body---and jerked my hand off his fist--man--that poor fucker smacked himself right in the mouth--really hard!End of swimming career.Sat in the stands with the girls.----------------------------(this one ,I feel bad about-but not as a rowdy kid)-------scratcho freakwentflyer

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TEACHERS PEST


Scratcho- Tuba? LOL. Great teacher stories. Got a few myself, of course.
_____________

Very early 70's, 7th grade (the second time) I had a young very pretty but innocent english teacher, Judy McGill, whose husband was away in Viet Nam. I really liked her so I really didn't mean to hurt her the way I did.

She had given my class a writing assignment where we were to pair up, and write a short story. Then take the story and switch the nouns, verbs, adverbs and such around so that the story was a jumble. The next week we were to come in and read them. One of us would read the jumbled version, then the next the straight version.

My partner kevin and I, had found this short story about a girl going to the dentist for the first time to get a tooth pulled. It was written in a way that up until nearly the end it sounded like she was getting laid for the first time.
"he showed her his tool, it was much bigger than she expected" and "he pulled it out and left a bloody gaping hole" you know, that kind of crap. So, we made that our story.
After, Kevin read the first jumbled version which like all the others made no sense at all, I got up in front of the class and began reading this sick story.
Quickly, the class fell into disbelief. There was some laughter, but I looked into mostly stunned faces. I kept reading without looking over to my side to Ms. McGill, hoping she had a good sense of humor. She wasn't stopping me so I went on to the very end, which reveiled that it was about a dentist. It was dead silence, the class was staring at Ms. McGill. I looked over at her.
She was white as a ghost and look as if she was going to puke. She would not even look at me. Finally, she wispered, "out,...everyone, out." So we all left, including me, about ten minutes early. I knew I was dead.

The end of that day, my science teacher, Mr. MacInstosh, (a young meathead, former Alabama lineman, couldn't-make-the- pro's-turned-teacher) cornered me outside class.
She had turned to him to handle it.
With no one around, he wacked his knuckles on my head. Then started going on about how I really hurt that poor girl, and how I had no class, and then for some reason he had to say-
"son, I've been with more women then you ever will your whole life". Well, that statment stuck in my head because I was bent on proving him wrong.
My punishment was to memorize "The Raven" and something else I can't recall, then walk into one of his classes (not mine) and resite them perfectly, with dramatic flare, to his satisfaction. AND no one in the class was to know why I was walking in and doing it.
Well, I did it. Then next semester I enrolled in drama class. I began to do well in drama and then suddenly I started doing well in all my other classes. Funny how things work sometimes.

I still wonder what HE meant by "more women".

 

morrisonfreak

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You all have such funny stories!!! This one of mine popped into my head, altough it wasn't funny at the time, I can look back and laugh now.
My boyfriend and I were going to Indiana to see a show with our friend crazy Tony. The show was Oysterhead, and in honor of our adventure Tony had spray painted his car camo colors and in very big, very bright white letters wrote Oysterhead1 on both sides of the car. I was a little leary of the attention we might recieve on the drive there, but we arrived without incident. We arrived rather early, so we decide to explore the town a little and when we were done, we went to find the parking lot where we needed to be. More and more hippies arrive, and as the show nears we decide it would be a great night to eat some shrooms. This was Tonys first trip, and I was a little concerned (he being not so sane and all). His seat was not by ours and I couldn't keep an eye on him, but he insisted he'd be fine. He let my boyfriend and I take the keys so we could get into the car if we got there before him after the show. Well, the show was awesome, we were still trippin and trying to find the car. Finally we found it, Tony was no where to be seen. We go to get in and the loudest, shrillest alarm ever goes off!! He had an alarm on that piece of shit, spray painted car!! We had no idea how to turn it off and everyone is staring at us. We would get it turned off, and it would go off again. Both of us tripping and trying to figure something out wasnt exactly working, and by the time Tony got to the car, all the doors were wide open and the trunk was up, and here we were telling each other don't touch anything!!! I'm sure we looked like the crazy ones that night, but what a night it was!
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Posted: 07:10 AM
November 26, 2003 freakwentflyer

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Morrisonfreak- lol

with a first time tripper, rule #1-
Stay together!


__________________scratcho

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feet-do your duty!

Big Island--Kona---'72---17 acres-----jungle---50$ a month--------scratcho wanders jungle-----finds meadow----has mushrooms----scratcho eat------scratcho trip------scratcho nap in meadow----scratcho wake up-----big nose against scratcho's nose-----scratcho not move----hope big nose dream----scratcho close eyes------lay still-----big nose wander off----huge balls on other end of big nose---scratcho jump up------haul ass-----big nose and huge balls snort and follow---FAST-----scratcho vault fence----big nose huge balls and HORNS 2 seconds late-----scratcho happy--------big nose ,big balls and HORNS not happy.-------------------------big fun for scratcho------------- Posted: 10:55 AM
November 29, 2003 freakwentflyer

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LOL Scratcho, what a load of BULL!


HI HO SILVER!
1977 age 19 my brother and a few friends and I were driving down a 4 lane divided highway (stoned of course). Bright sunny day. I was in the back seat, my brother John driving.
John said, "looks like an accident up ahead." No cars were coming down the other on-coming two lanes. In the distance we could see cars backed up. Our two lanes began to slow to a dead crawl.
Then we could make out a riderless saddled horse running toward us in the other lane. I yeld for John to stop and I jumped out of the car. Other people stopped to watch this horse running down the middle of the road with this poor girl chasing far behind.
I ran out into the horses path and put my arms up (like the horse would know that meant to stop).
It wasn't stopping so I thought maybe I could grab his riegns as he passes.
The horse just missed me, I reached out for the riegns, and my hand accidentally slid under the front of the saddle.
Nearly breaking my wrist, I was jerked off my feet and into the air- landing, that's right, in the goddamn saddle.
I pulled my hand out and grabbed the riegns pulling back as hard as I could and the horse stopped and reared up on his back legs, trying to buck me off. But I wasn't about to be bucked off on asphalt. I managed to hang on. Then, he suddlenly mellowed. I turned him around and road him to the very impressed running girl.
All the people in the cars were clapping. They had no idea my hand just got stuck. I was an accidental hero.