How would a transgender affect your relationship?

Hey, your partner doesnt have to have a dick for you to shag him. But seriously. I don't know! I'd probably commit suicide or something because suicide solves all our problems. I'm just joking. Don't get angry anyone. Please.

 

I dont think I could ever confuse the two genders. However If I had been betrayed to that degree. Def would end it

 

There wouldn't be a relationship.

 

I really don't understand why anyone would have an issue with it. I'm pretty sure we could work through it. I think it's a shame people have to keep things like that a secret, so even if I were lied to about it, I would understand.

 

First of all, this is an interesting thread!

I've never been in this situation either so of course I can't say for sure but I don't think it would be a reason to end the relationship. Even if I can't imagine being with a man at the moment I consider myself pretty open-minded. If I was with a woman I was attracted to and found out she used to be a man I don't think that would change my attraction. I also could imagine falling for a woman who later finds out s/he is actually a man and even if I think it would take some time to get used to I could put up with that. I love a person, not their genitalia. (Admittedly, the persons I've been in love with all happened to be women but then again there's more to a woman than a vagina.)

Actually, I think gender-benders or transgenders can be quite fascinating. I recently met a trans woman (m2f), but when I first saw her she was on stage as a drag king and I first took her for a f2m trans and thought the deep voice was caused by hormon therapy. It was very interesting to see a person kinda "switch" gender.
Unfortunately, I don't know many trans people (no wonder given the percentage of the population that is trans), but the ones I got to know seem to be very sensitive, open-minded and strong people. Now, I don't want to generalize, but I think going through a sex change and dealing with all the discrimination and non-understanding you have to face does make you a strong person.
My girlfriend is not transgender, but occasionally cross-dresses and even if I'm usually not into men I have to admit that seeing her in this "different light" can also be very attractive. It's all in the mind I guess.

 

what a wonderful open minded attitude you have rain_in_summer
S

 

I love all people, but I have to admit me coming out to a guy I was dating not bf/gf saying "I can only have flings and one night stands with guys because I am a lezbian", It broke his heart. I was scared that he would hate me, or that he'd be homophobic and tell me I was disgusting.

I think for the trans person it'd be difficult to come out too, it would be very scary and painful to come out. I would love to be with someone trans actually, because it just proves how brave they are. They knew that they were trapped in their bodies. They were true to themselves and that is the most important thing you could want from a person, such deep seeded honesty.

I don't know truly what I'd do though because it has enver happened to me. I'm curious though It would be a new experience I suppose.

 

are you in special ed? And wth at your sn gaysr4fags? Please make some sense you fuckin dolt!

 

Hm. I haven't posted in this thread since I opened it. xD;; I should change that little factor.

Anyway, this is indeed an interesting thread, and to hear everyone's ideals about it is wonderful. Even the people who say they'd end the relationship.

Because love is love, right?

I just told my girlfriend (long-distance, phone/internet relationship) of two months that no, I'm not a man, I'm a woman.

And you know what she said?

"It doesn't matter. You're such a beautiful, wonderful person, Jei, and ... yeah, I'm straight, but for you? Hell, I'd be bi. I love you. And with that news... I think I love you even more."

Not the reaction I was expecting, but it was a good one. Our relationship is 100 times stronger now because I told her that I'm a FtM transgender.

 

awwww thats so cute! im glad you two are gonna be together for your change

 

i really don't think it would matter to me...once i love somebody, that's it. i do have issues with deceit and betrayal though, so honesty would be very important to me in this...as in all...situations.

 

To your first point: I once believed that being in a relationship with someone would make it so I could deal with being the sex that I am. It worked, for like a year, and then it just got harder and harder to pretend to be something I wasn't (that being: upholding gender roles that I was not comfortable with, I've always been who I am on the inside). But, by that time, I loved the person a great deal; how could I possibly tell her? What if she was put off by it and left me? Keep in mind, I was young at the time... I didn't realize that it would've been for the best if that ended up being the case.

As for your second point: following your logic, if you are born into slavery, it is for a reason; that shouldn't be changed... right? Wait, I've got a better example: if you're born intersex and are surgically assigned into the gender binary (because we all know that there is only male and female, right?), is there a reason for that? Or, if you're born intersex, does that mean you can't identify as (or transition to...) a "male" or "female?" (...and be recognized as that rather than "intersex," since you don't personally identify with intersex?) The only reason I could see behind that is to rectify social norms. Which leads me to my next point: my theory concerning some of the motivations behind transition.

Because I was born a "male," I'm expected to be many things which I am not. Being designated as a "female" assigns roles to me that I am much more comfortable undertaking. It feels like I'm being recognized for who I truly am when I'm seen as a "female," it makes me happy. The thing is, for that to happen... I have to jump through hoops in order to be legally recognized as a "female." Without legal recognition, a majority of social recognition won't follow (not that all of it does even with legal recognition). I have cited that right there as a portion of my motivation for transition.

Another is my sexual identity, which also ties in with gender roles. I can barely tolerate upholding those that are stereotypically that of the "male" roles, but undertaking those considered to be typical of a "female's" role seem entirely natural to me; it's comfortable for me, it makes me happy... Some of those roles, along with my sexual identity itself, don't match up with my congenital anatomy; it causes emotional conflict for me. I mean, I understand you see it a certain way, but I'm asking for you to step outside of your own boundaries; to make yourself vulnerable... to doubt your ideas and explore them thoroughly before placing value upon them.

Most of my motivation for transition is intrinsic; it is a combination of nature and nurture. I identify as a "female" and have been constantly told that I can only be a "female" if my body looks a certain way, thus my core identity conflicts with my physical body. It feels wrong; it looks wrong. I am disgusted by it, nauseated; ashamed of it... I find that bit of me to be so putrid that I can hardly bare to look at my own naked reflection. I've tried to overcome it for years, but the only relief I have found has been in finally pursuing transition. If finally finding happiness is wrong, then I certainly don't want to be right.

Besides, my partner doesn't mind (my ex ended up leaving me a couple of weeks after I told her, it took me the good part of a year to get over her... I still love her as much as a friend can, even though I haven't heard from her since). I told her right from the get go; like the second time we ever met. She asked me out a couple of weeks later; neither of us has ever been happier.

EDIT: Oh, I'm sure this will get my message accross: One day, I asked my partner if she saw me as a female; she blinked twice and then said: "Of course!" I pried further by inquiring as to whether or not she would still love me even if I didn't pursue transition. I will never forget her response: "I love you for who you are, not some part of your body." We've managed to transcend the physical plane in order to connect more intensely on other planes, including sexually.

 

you must be a very special person or very lucky...or both. i know i've never inspired that kind of devotion. good luck to you.

 

I have absolutely no problem with transgenders, in fact one of my best friends is a female to male transgender, but I don't honestly think I would ever have a relationship with one. It's just a personal choice, I like natural-born men.