How to STAY clean?

I've been struggling with opiate addiction for awhile and i've been going back and forth from heroin to suboxone for the past 2+ years. I REALLY want to be clean and stay clean. Because when i'm clean I can make money and save and..make more money. When I use I always have $0.00 in the bank, and I can usually get $2-3k saved up when i get clean for at least a month. Then someone always has some real good dope and i'm like "pff I can spare $100 out of this 3k"and then a few weeks later i'll be back to $0.00

This has been a repeating process for 3 years. i've been addicted to opiates for 9 years, OC's mostly but a lot of opana and dilaudid too, but I didn't start doing heroin until about 3 years ago and the needle has made it really hard to go long periods of time without getting high.

Before I started doing heroin I was more of a money addict than anything, but even when I start working again and get a taste of that money, eventually that temptation to do a shot comes on 10x as strong and makes me forget all about the importance of money.

When it's all said and done and I'm too broke to continue my bender and i'm back to $0.00 and finally get back on suboxone I say to myself "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO?!" But after 2 years of this now it's just like...i'm watching myself make the same mistake. SAME EXACT MISTAKE. and I keep doing it. over and over...over and over...
All I want is my desire for money to be stronger than my desire for opiates...

I'd like to hear any personal tricks or methods you use to STAY clean after the initial process of getting on suboxone.

 

You have to find some meaning in your life beyond money as a motivator to stay clean.
When I quit heroin years ago, I think the only desire, the only motivation that got me through was that I wanted some kind of normalcy. Some kind of clarity that I was craving that I didn't have when I was high. Heroin silenced a lot of my feelings but never gave me tranquility when what all I ever wanted was true peace. After detoxing I discovered transcendental meditation which in turn gives me more peace and clarity than heroin ever could.Money can't buy that! Good luck to you , the best gift you could ever give yourself is to get off of that stuff.

 

i been in the same boat for years (subs/h look through past posts of mine)

i have mental problems and the only time in my life i feel normal is on high doses of opiates. even saved money and got the most wanted possesion i ever wanted, a harley davidson. still need opies to think normal. i,ll be on subs forever.

 

my dreams cost money. I could get motivated easier if I could keep a steady 5-8k in the bank while maintaining a living. Then I can get along with what I really want to do in life. Takes startup costs. That's why I want money, so I can get to that really motivating point where i'm making money doing what I love.

 

drop those friends..cut them away and move on

 

You have actually heard two examples, that when heeded, along with a few other ingredients, will get you to the promised land. Outonthetiles and BBAD gave you invaluable info to get started. First and foremost, You are an addict for life! Just because someone who used to be addicted, no longer takes or uses, that person is still an addict. What I found to be one of the Keys to the Opiate/Sub/Clean formula, is not to look at my addiction so much as a sickness but as a part of who I am. I am an addict, but I'm addicted to a whole lot more than Opiates! Great food, good sex(wait, ok, any sex with a female), Speed via Horsepower, smoking.....etc. See my point is, that there will always be an addiction I will be a part of, but I also know, that if I chose to take opiates, chances are very good that the chemical dependency part of my brain will once again be in charge and followed by another trip to MY Bottom, which is only MY bottom and is one trip I'm simply not willing to take. Your mindset is the key to getting clean for good! Also, don't take me saying, that you should not look at your addiction as a sickness, to mean, that I don't think addiction isn't a sickness, it damn sure is, what I do mean is, for the person addicted to Opiates, the shortest point between dependency and clean(meaning the drug is out of your system and is no longer acting on your receptors), is most times, a serious bout of the flu and not much else and the path to clean goes right through your Brain. None of this was info that I could make sense of until after the fact, you know the old saying, easier said than done and Hindsight is 20/20. Those both ring true for opiate addicts! However, we are talking about your life, there is absolutely a CURE to help you stop putting a pill in your mouth or a line up your nose, or even a needle in your arm, and that cure resides between your ears! Just know the difference between a Cure to stop your actions to taking drugs, is not a cure for addiction. That is psychological and a whole different inning in the ballgame! Addicts most times have weak minds, lord I certainly know I did and from what you have stated, so do you, if all it simply takes is for a buddy to show up with the good stuff. Subs can actually work miracles but only if you let them. Most if not all of us grow up learning right from wrong, down to its most simplistic state. A weak mind views right from wrong as a guideline used to live a moral life, yet doesn't view the difference as a rule. A strong mind has the capability to not only acknowledge the difference, but also set a hard fast course toward achievement! People can say for the rest of their lives, there exist an easy way to get off Opiates, I'm here to tell you friend, there will be some avenues that you find easier than others, but also know, 100% of the time, they all come with a price! Lastly, just know that for some, a complete lifestyle change is required to even have a chance of staying off their addiction while others are able to do it simply by saying NO. What we all have the hardest time with, is knowing what the true cost of our addiction has been to everyone else in our life and that alone is the most powerful motivator that exists and the absolute hardest thing to understand. I wish you the best of luck. Only you can control your success simply because only you can take an honest tally of your life to determine what path works best for you! If I have said anything you might not understand or wish to ask anything about this , please feel free to ask in here or IM me, I try and skim through here daily and if not, every other day! God Speed!

 

The main thing for me (I've been on suboxone three times- on and off of it for 4 or 5 years now).... but yeah, the main thing for me is... I'm fine IF I DON'T RUN INTO DOPE.
Meaning.. obviously gotta cut out friends that are using and make sure you're not ever anywhere you run into it. If I don't run into it, I'm good. I don't seek it out. If I do run into it... I know what's gonna happen and wouldn't even bother to try to stop it.

Once you're off of suboxone long enough and feeling good naturally, just make sure you're doing other things- exercising or traveling, doing things you like...whatever that is...and you don't even really think about it (very much) anymore.

 

I love your screen name, fuckmyeyesdied.

 

I like that signature pic, by the way. They help at veteran's funerals, right? To keep people from having to see those loonies from the hateboro baptist "church" who picket vet's funerals.

 

Thank you all for your support.

 

Congratulations, fuckmyeyesdied, that is great to hear. A month is something to be proud of, and it must take enormous willpower to turn down pills and a free roxi!

Just keep surrounding yourself with positive people! I know this sounds cliche, but it's the truth, in many ways. When you travel make sure to avoid the opiate crowd. A small minority of the population is addicted to opiates and they should be avoidable! The majority of the population manages to avoid them on a daily basis.

It might be helpful to have a plan of action in case you fall into a tempting situation. Plan out escape routes, things to say/do, etc.

I don't even know you and I'm proud! .

 

I appreciate the support, everyone. I'm so much better having just typed this out and getting it off my chest

 

Yikes, all I can say is that if she couldn't deal with that information upfront, you probably just saved yourself and her a lot of wasted time.

 

I understand that completely. I just say that because heroin eats money away and that ultimately is what leads me to the extremely dark places. So I just said it kind of black an white like that because its either: be on dope and have no money, or get off dope and have money. It certainly has sucked meaning out of my life. I'm almost completely off suboxone now and I've never felt better

 

id say the only way is to keep busy and try to do more of what you love.

Im in the same boat, opiates become a way of life in a way. 3 days clean tho.

All the best to all of you.

 

It sounds to me like you have the power to do it, until you get a contact from a "friend" who sends you down the spiral again. Easiest solution from what little I see hear, sever contact with those "friends".

 

jeez lol. Think about having $5,000 in the bank. then $7,500, then $12,000 :O

I don't know I sure as hell don't bank 3k a month -- that's pretty lucky dude. Stop wasting all that damn money.

Smoke a weed instead.

 

Not so much luck, as just having a good job. lol. Although that is a good amount to have left over after the bills are paid.

 

Try maintaining with kratom. It really works. For some reason I can get high off my ass on kratom (or mtraganya) and I don't seem to crave at all the next day.

A month means the hardest part is over dude good job!

If you ever want to talk about it, PM me and we'll hit up the skype/msn.

 

Hedgeclipper, the problem I have with Kratom is that I see that as cheating myself. Now, if you wanna say my weed smoking is just as much cheating as using Kratom, we can agree to disagree. Not to mention Kratom is disgusting. Being on suboxone to me wasn't really being clean, it's substitution therapy, and I was substituting an opiate for an opiate...eventually that just wasn't good enough for me. I don't want to get high as fuck off Kratom because that's just going to make things harder... It's all or nothing for me. I want my brain to function like a normal human's brain. I'm tired of letting the devil be the operator of this body (metaphorically speaking, i'm not a Christian or anything)

I'm still doing great guys...sleep has been an issue for sure. A major issue actually...I can tell because my immune system is shit right now.

Mr. Writer, you're a great person. I know you know that and I'm sure everyone else here does too. Just wanted you to know I know it too.

Zenstateofmind, congratulations on your 3 days. I know it's fucking hard, and not to scare you, but from my personal experience the short haul is the easy part.. its the first month or two that i cruise by without using, and then it starts to get harder when you start thinking you're all better and you start forgetting the problems that arise from just using one more time...

I know the best thing for me is to move where I have no opiate connections...although that doesn't really make sense because you can get whatever drugs you damn well please over the internet. I still think it would help moving, and once I relocate I want to travel. I was thinking europe...
Because i've been broke for so long i've had to buy a few things but it hasn't been too long and I've managed to stow away some money and I estimate if I stay clean I'll be able to pick up my life and move it wherever I choose by the end of the year as long as I can set myself up with a new job wherever I land, even if that means waiting tables or something like that.

Good luck to anyone struggling with opiate addiction. Every day is a struggle...but that's true whether you're using or clean.
Thanks again everyone...