How to Cope with this Fact?

I thought all my worries were over, when I recalled something that has been hurting me for the past six years:

Sexism is more socially acceptable than racism.

For example, I went to a comedy club where the comedian said that women are stupid cunts who should fix him a sandwich and shut the fuck up. One man was bellowing with laughter at the top of his lungs. My grandmother laughed nervously. The rest of the women sat there complacently. Meanwhile when Michael Richards called the heckler a ******, there was a national outcry.

There are tons of other examples of this, like how Hillary and Palin were treated, called bitch and ****, compared to Barack Obama, who was handled with kid gloves. And Jeremiah Wright had the nerve to say "Hillary Clinton ain't never been called a ******." Well Obama has never been called a bitch or a ****.

There's Islam. The Quran says that Allah made men superior to women. Meanwhile Mormonism used to be racist but now it has completely back peddled.

Ann Coulter said that women should lose the right to vote because we vote so stupidly. She talks about "the tragedy of women's suffrage." Imagine if she said blacks should lose the right to vote.

I feel overwhelmed by the amount of sexism in this world. Look at rap, calling women bitches and hos. There's a video game where the player bunches a girl in a thong bikini and the girl just sits there and takes it.

But I'm mostly miffed by the fact that racism is taken so much more seriously. I feel like black men are very selfish to act like racism is far worse than sexism. It's as if they only care about themselves. I feel like racism is overblown and even fabricated. We as black women are expected to stand by our brothers and share their "righteous indignation." We're expected to see feminism as a white woman thing.

This issue has sat with me for six years. It's the source of some deeply rooted pain underneath my cheerful demeanor. I'm anxious, angry, and hurt deep down.

I tried to stop talking to people, thinking they must blindly go along with this problem, but it's impossible to not interact with others.

How do I cope with this issue?

 

By trying not to dwell on it.... The more you think about it the more you are going to see it. Not everybody feels this way, so don't associate with those that do.

 

Fight it.
Share information.
Tell people when they are being sexist.
Stop supporting sexist business' and artists.

At least once a week I see or am involved in a good conversation about sexism and misogyny, online. (Not here...I usually use something I've seen here as the sexist example on other forums)

This week has been off the hook for conversation since dickwad shot up a pile of people and blamed women. Not to mention the slew of sexist comments that resulted because of it. 'If only one woman had sexed him, he wouldn't be crazy' and other pure bullshit statements that show that some men really don't get it.

#NotAllMen
#YesAllWomen

 

I was with Wallace Black Elk in Paris during the All Tribes presentation to the UN and Wallace had a number of young hotheads from AIM with him and we were invited to dinner at the Paris Commune at the same table with a group of young black radicals were and the young men from both sides got into a heated debate as to whom was the most oppressed!

 

It's hard not to dwell on it, especially being surrounded by black men who constantly yap about racism.

 

I have a blog. But I feel like any contribution that I could offer to rectify the situation is so tiny.

 

Find other women in your culture that feel the way you do. Then make your voice heard.

The groups are out there. Find one!

People will call you a bitch. People will say you're a feminist ****.
People fear change and nobody likes to be told that thier point of view is wrong. That's why it takes outspoken people who never give up to make change in any community.

If you're not willing to fight to end what causes you deep pain, then you're complacent in the act. And when men say 'just get over it' remind them they don't know what the fuck they're talking about.

(wrote this before I saw your post about blogging)

 

I'm not surprised. It's typical counter-intuitive thinking. They should be fighting over who is more privileged. It's as if they like being oppressed, they get some sort of perverse enjoyment from it. I hate being subjected to sexism.

 

Maybe the way to cope is to get behind your own cause.
Too much whinging about the 'oppression competition' may come across as joining in.

Comparing yourself to others never results in anything good.

 

I just feel like any contribution I have to make to solve the problem is a tiny drop in the bucket. I also feel like activism doesn't work.

Another thing is that I'm reluctant to tell people I'm a feminist, because people have preconceived notions of what a feminist is. They think all feminists are militant, offended by the sight of a naked woman, hate men, etc. Very few people have heard of sex-positive or pro-sex feminism.

 

Telling folks about anything has not a tenth the effect as showing them by the way you conduct yourself. Walk your own path....

 

It definitely doesn't work if you don't bother to try!!
I know it's hard because we're all wired to want to fit in and not cause any waves or we'll be called names or kicked out of a group.

There was a time in my life when I used to shut up when the men around me were talking a certain way. I stopped taking that crap. I lost some friends. I made better ones. And I feel better about not having to compromise myself and accept hurtful things just to keep everyone else happy. There was a lonely transition between the two but it was worth it.

Besides your own blog are there others blogs or forums about this topic that you read?

 

I get what you're trying to say but there are some assumptions that are so intrenched into mens' minds, you can't just leave it to them figuring it out by the way you behave.

Some change involves a really good sit down conversation.

 

True, but first it helps to get their attention. My family (commune) had a hand in starting the Rainbow gatherings, the Oregon Country Fair, the Hoedads and, other tree planting collectives, crisis hotlines etc.....

 

I'm really glad you started this thread as this has been a subject on my mind a LOT lately.

I think the one good thing to come put of fuckwad misogynist in California killing people because of his misplaced sexual frustration is it has brought sexism to the forefront of people's minds. I've realized how much shit I've endured and lived with since hitting puberty basically, and I've always just dealt with it because I figured it was just the nature of things. Now, because of #yesallwomen (I don't use twitter normally but I've found this so inspiring and empowering) I realize all women put up with the same bullshit and feel the exact same way I do about so many things.

Change doesn't happen overnight but I think just the fact that there is an open and public dialogue is a tremendous start to progress. So many women like me and you have just lived quietly with sexism and now millions of us are finally talking about it. Keep talking about it and don't allow yourself to be silenced by people who think its all no big deal.

 

not caring usually makes things better

 

I think you cope in two ways.

One, by realizing that sticks and stones may break your bones but words won't hurt you. Yes, the word 'bitch' is impolite, so? I think outcry over the word "******" is just as silly.

Second, by taking a look at male suicide, work injury, homicide, war casualty, jail rape, life expectancy rates as well as how much money they lose in alimony.

Finally, look at the crime and incarceration, as well as unemployment and drop out rates for black males as opposed to black women. In the words of the great Karen Straughan, "This ain't the oppression Olympics. It's shit for everybody."

 

It is shit for everyone but historically and world wide it is a lot shittier for women.

But I don't really see it as an oppression olympics either. I just don't think women should shut the fuck up about sexism just because men have problems too. The two aren't really related. Most of the things you listed are due to men oppressing men (with the exception of alimony, but that is born out of a time when women weren't expected to work under a patriarchal society), whereas the op is talking specifically of men oppressing women.

 

Seems like the men's advice in this thread about coping is to not let it bother you or not to speak out. And all my mentions of speaking out have been thumbed down.

Same shit, different day.