How the hell

did I gain 15 pounds and 3 percent body fat in 2 weeks? Is that really possible or could both the calipher and the scale be off? This is so discouraging

 

A last time anomaly? *HL*

 

I think it was the drinking. I'm back on my 75 percent produce diet and no booze and have a training session every other day. I've come way to far to let myself get fat again no way in hell. I'll be healthy and eat enough and all that but I can feel the fat on me-I gained it all in my arms it looks like...weird.

 

stress. you said drinking - that can aid in weight gain. the food you eat while drinking - if you had anythign to eat that is. the flying and changing of time zones can add on...

dont' get discouraged though. like you said, you've come along this far, just keep at it. you'll get your goal

 

I was at my goal, a couple of pounds below it even ): now I feel like I went backwards, well I did ):

 

no booze?

 

you may go up and down a lot, but just keep working on it. just keep improving yourself, externally as well as internally.

 

I'm reading meditation matters most right now. It's talking about a lot of the virtues we need to live by to be balanced inside and out-but aren't. explains a lot about balance a ritual-both of which I have none of.

It's interesting because with yoga I am also in a complete mindset of physically mastering postures but I am learning yhat I need to meditate and be in a mental mastery to obtain balance and stability.
I know my issues-being between 110-210 pounds in the past few years, drug addictions, binge drinking-none of that is going to be solved with a trainer or day spa trips. I need to obtain power over my mentality and unfotunatley my mind ain't taking visa or puppy dog eyes it's only accepting hard work ):

 

it was consuming too many drinks for a week. I swam laps and ran on the treadmil a couple of half ass effortless times but nothing like what I do at home

 

I'll have two drinks with you two is my limit on special occasions only and seeing you again is for sure a special occasion

 

good for you lynsey

enjoy this journey and have fun with it. hard work is the only way to obtain what you want and i'm glad you're doing that. you'll find that balance

 

It's not really all that bad is it?

There's a Benefit or three to be had...

 

hopefully sooner than later...I need to learn how to live more simply and especially more genuinley...my indicators of joy should not be wrapped in tissue paper or obtaining a kick ass career. I have both and I am still not happy...and I am trying to find out why or more importantly focus on not why but how...how to change and fithermore changing . but right now my mind is a little messy I'll feel better after yoga tommorow.

thank you for being you

 

no, not bad but difficult. tonight my mom told me that I am too emotionally dependent on her and I need to grow up. that was a major ouch. She said that since I left my fiance I have become insecure and needy, which is true but that is just because I was living with him most of the time and he met my needs, not because I changed as a person;ya know?

I just need to find which page my index is on because everything in this world that I thought made me tick really has no bearing on who I am or what makes me happy. My desire for more power and more things has really made me ignorant and delusional as to what's important. I am ready to work though and find out what I need to do. We already know what behaviors I need to stop now it's just how to replace those with a healthy and sustanable mentality tha't going to lead me down a rationale and happy path. In other words- I think a change in everything would do me damn good

 

Two up. ^ ^

 

okay so now I just have to start...got the coffee got all of my tellecommuting work done last night...but everything just seems so overwhelming today.

 

reverse that question and it will be easier to answer d:

 

I was at a friends house tonight bitching about what I was last night...as I was looking through his fridge to see if he had anything yummy...it was an ahaaa moment. when I don't worry about it I eat less and when i worry about it I am thinking about it and eat more...I was a little stoned too so I had the munchies...I wish we had cheese or chocolate chip cookies, or strawberries left......hmmmmmmm

 

I don't like white cheese does that make me a cheese racist?

 

whats wrong with white cheese? its delicious