how the hell do you get them to stop hitting?

When my two tykes were little, if one hit the other I would get down on their eye level and hold their hands together and say we do not hit. Followed by time out until they could tell me that we do not hit.

Took a little while but they figured it out. No anger with the time out, just think about it, I do not hit you, we do not hit.

 

yeah, good point, heat. how are you going to teach your kids not to hit by hitting them? hypocrisy is sure to fail as a method of punishment.

 

use to work at a playground. these things are like, fucking powerful. if any kid would make me mad he wouldent get one, and everyone eles would. and he would be so pissed and never do it again. find a way to make him jelous

 

I do timeouts, and they work so much better than spanking. Also have to agree with heat, my kids didnt start hitting each other till they got smacked on the hand as a punishment, at an ex-friends house. I no longer hang out with her.
before that they did not hit, now I have to deal withthe aftermath, and am trying to teach them not to hit!

 

Spanking =/= abuse. Actually, most of the abusers I have had the misfortune of knowing come from households who let them run amok as children. They never learned control. When I started having temper tantrums as a kid, guess what happened? I learned to control my anger fast.

A swat or two on the bum stings for five minutes, and the kid walks away with the knowledge that what he did is a bad idea. He'll work out the ethics later, when his brain is mature enough to work that part out. It's done to teach, and not in anger (ideally, anyway).

I didn't hit (Playtime rough-housing doesn't count: me getting tickled and slapping at everything while squealing... ah, good times... ) but a couple of times when I was little. I got swatted when I did, and I didn't do it again because I'd get swatted. Now, it's only something for controlled, fun settings: JuJitsu and marital rough-housing. I haven't hit anyone in anger since I was about 5.

And to the person who tried to psychoanalyze my rugrat self, I remember those days. You weren't even alive then. (nostalgia) My mother had a system. She'd tell us to do something, then count to three. If we didn't do it by three, we got swatted. After a few times, we'd mind by two. Mommy and Daddy were in charge, and we knew that. Mom still tries to count now and then, but mostly as a joke. Dad threatened to spank us regularly, well into my teenaged years, though he stopped following through after we were about 12. He stopped threatening when I told him in no uncertain terms "No, you won't." I was about 17, and it had to do with my clothing, I think. Then I was a household adult in his eyes, with all the respect and responsibilities. (/nostalgia)

 

I have never spoken to him like he's a dog... My sister (his mother) is big on the baby talk shit, but she isn't around much and I don't do that. He understands phrases but he can't respond in words. And I've heard of how children can sometimes take longer to talk because they just don't want to or don't need to. It pisses me off when my sister spends an hour with him and drops him off saying there's something wrong with him, when I'm thinking he's just being a brat, especially because he's not used to her and she has no clue how to deal with or communicate with him. I do also dislike the idea that there's a specific timeline during which this skill and that skill needs to be learned or your baby is developmentally challenged. I've known quite a few bright people who were mute until past the "allowable" age. I even took a longer time than most children learning how to read and by third grade I was in an advanced reading class. I don't think the timing is as important as others insist.

As for the hitting, I do the timeouts more now and it does seem to be working. Someone else here said consistency is key and I agree. I have to make sure my mother does the same when she is with him so that he knows he can't just behave with one of us and get away with murder with the other.

 

Yeah, timeouts never worked with me. And hitting me only created a burning hatred for everything and everyone, and resulted in my causing as much trouble as possible, without doing anything big or punishable. Just little things that would slow things down, or generally being disagreeable.

Again, i'd suggest sanctions on things he likes. Maybe longer time outs, as well, if that's something you're doing. But also other losses, while always explaining WHY, and emphasizing the cause-effect link, at the time he does something, and at the time he feels an effect from what he did.

And for sure, if he's not talking, keep talking to him, EVEN if he IS developmentally challenged, this can't be helped by treating him like he's an animal. Also, if he watches TV or violent/scary movies, stop that, pronto. Kids need to play in the real world, and violence should have no place in small childrens lives, if you put violence in, you get violence out.

You might consider explaining exactly why he can't hit people, and why you're not hitting him back. Explain that people won't like him, and that there ARE bigger, stronger, meaner people who will hit him back if he hits them, and that it will be a lot harder than he hit them in the first place. Explain the kinds of things he'll lose without even knowing he's losing them, if he hits you or other people, because he will generally be unfit for social situations or trips, or unable to handle having more fun things, because he might not be safe while handling them, all that sort of thing.

To you people saying you just submitted to being hit, no matter how much you where hit... damn, you're weak.... My parents where both spanked to some degree, (main form of discipline for one, some for the other) and I've never heard either of them say that it helped with anything. It's only demeaning, and engenders thoughts of hate, resentment, general frustration, etc.

Also, those in support of violence, don't beat around the bush. Even my high school, on their parental consent forms, called it "beating". That's what it is. If you don't consider beating abuse, that's fine, but it IS beating, even if there's more substantial beating.

 

what you are speaking of is authoritarian personality (disorder), good sir. i completely agree with you. science has proven that raising children in authoritarian homes creates aggression towards scapegoats etc..

 

I was spanked and my little brothers were spanked. I think it was great for us. I don't have any feelings of resentment, I think that getting grounded and being forced into isolation were the most damaging punishments I ever sustained.

The only problem I have are parents who continue spanking past a certain age. When kids are old enough to be reasoned with, it's better to give them an extra special privilege that must be earned or taken away.

 

Sit him in The Naughty Spot when he acts up. Make him stay there. If he gets up, put him back, untill he sits there for a couple of minutes and then let him up and give him something constructive to do. I gave mine pots and pans and spoons to bang around on. It helps get the frustration out, helps with coordnation too. It may be tough to listen to but it will work.. tried and true. If he is two, he is ready to talk.

Help him form his words. Hold his hand to your mouth as you speak a word. Do it again and again untill he trys to say the word and then clap and say YAY!! Start out with little words/sounds like, ball.. start with ba and again and again, ba, untill he says ba. Show him the ball and make him say ba to get it.. B is usually the first word formation a baby connects with, Then D words like dog. One sylable words, nothing complicated. When he gets one word down, or his conception of the word, start on the next word.

It can be fun and rewarding. Make it part of playtime.

sh

 

Best advice I've seen here yet. Thanks for the input shameless.

 

Ok.. Christianity?? What does that have to do with the TOPIC? Nothing, so lets leave out the blaming and get on to the helping.

sh

 

You are welcome Princi,
I raised 6 kids and have 15 grandchildren. I have been in every siyuation you could think of with that brood.

My first two I never had to disapline bc they were excellent children. As the others came along and got bigger and they had a problem with eachother.. we would actually put boxing gloves on them and let them work it out. They found out that they did not want to hit or get hit after that and decide that they werent that mad after all.

Of course you have to teach your kids to stand up for themselves and protect themselves if need be, but to never agressively start a fight.

I find that if the parents fight a lot and are physical the kids will be out of controll also and develope the same bad habits that the parents have. e are their teachers. We are who they imatate.

Children are like little mirrors, reflections of you and the ppl around them. If you smile at a child the child is gonna smile back, same thing if you frown. If you hit, the child will hit.

When my wee ones got cranky, I would wisk them up and twrill them around, singing and dancing with them, laughing and tickling them right out of their bad mood. They want attention 24/7. They want to learn how to do everything you do, so, show them how to behave by behaving yourself.

Toddlers love music and love to dance, most ppl your age love music and love to dance too, so connect with the little guy through music. He has got to be felling very lost without his mama, even if she was not a good one. He has been trumatized and is scared. Be gentel and smother him in Love and he will be fine and so will you.

sh

 

I agree, they all want constant attention. I don't have much else to do at home so I try my best to give him as much as I can. He does love music and playing the radio keeps him out of a bad mood for sure. I dance with him and sing to him and he even tries in his own way to sing along. He is a lovely child and I adore him. I just don't really have much experience with children except for what I've gained with him and sometimes need a second opinion. Thanks again for sticking to the subject and advising me. I appreciate it a lot

 

Who mentioned Christianity??

 

Try social stories:

http://www.slatersoftware.com/autism.html

Don't jump on the autism issue. The little guy is going through a lot. It could just be his way of handling his life. I'm an autistic support teacher. Social stories work with any child who lacks communication skills.

 

Give him whatever it is he wants. He will then, likely, stop.

 

Wow.

Looking at that site linked, that shit's how you get your kids sold into sex slavery, to at some point end up drinking the coolaid.

Fuck off with that shit.

 

This is the worst advice ever! This communicates to him that he can hit whenever he wants something. Not good.