How do you let your pet go?

He took his pill with these squeezer tuna juice treats and ate more baby food

 

I can’t talk too any of my family they are Not comforting

 

Update he ate all the baby food my mom left out last night and has been doing very good taking his pill

 

We got too get this thyroid better so we can get his teeth done he is not eating cat food cause it’s too painful

 

Once his teeth get done the vet said all there patients can’t believe how well they eat like kittens puppy’s agsin

 

He ate all the baby last night took his pill this morning he is sleeping behind the couch resting

 

I know all too well how hard and painful it is to watch your friend deal with an illness.
I faced the disease of leukemia in my cat, unfortunately, the treatment is very expensive, and constantly had to find a new blood donor.
Each time I needed a perfectly healthy cat for a blood transfusion, and he was getting worse and worse.
I could no longer watch him suffer, he was constantly shaking and fainting.
My wife and I had to make a very hard decision to put the cat to sleep so he wouldn't feel so much pain and suffer and go away peacefully...
It was very hard and painful for us to go through all this.
But I don't regret that decision.

 

Cry

 

This is probably the most I've ever opened up on this site - I'm pretty much a lurker, with an occasional comment or wisecrack thrown in once in a while. But this hits me like a 2 by 4 in the face.

A few days ago I came home from work and my 14-year old cat Charlie wouldn't come to greet me like he always did. I noticed he was a little lethargic and his breathing was a little labored. He had been losing weight over the past year or so, I just figured he was getting older. (As a kid, we always had cats but my parents weren't big on taking them to the vet; this is the first time I've been a pet parent on my own, so I guess I just did the best I could) The next day I took him to an emergency vet because he hadn't improved. They admitted him to run some tests and kept him overnight. I got regular updates from the vet with treatment options and prognosis (he's got congestive heart failure, diabetic ketoacidosis and hypertropic cardiomyopathy). All I could think of was how scared he was not being home and with what they were doing to him. The more I talked to the vet she pretty much said she would understand if I wanted to take him home to start to say goodbye. She also offered euthanasia at the office and suggested an organization called "Lap of Love" who comes to your home so you and your pet can say goodbye in a familiar comfortable place instead of a cold clinical environment. I asked how long she thought Charlie and I would still be together and she said maybe a few days. She gave me some at home meds for him and told me to let her know if he started eating again so she could put him on insulin for the rest of his life. When we got home he seemed to perk up a little and went right to his water dish. He also ate a little bit of liverwurst; I thought this was a good sign. I was able to give him half of the meds she prescribed, he resisted and I didn't want to stress him out with the rest, especially with her diagnosis.

This morning he started drinking water like crazy and even ate maybe half of the cat food I gave him. A little bit every now and then but still, he's eating. (Vet said he didn't eat when he was in the office, but after I called and said I would come pick him up he ate a little for her - almost like he knew) I tried to give him his meds this morning and he resisted - part of me thinks I shouldn't stress him out any more as he's been through a lot over the past few days. He still purrs when I pet him and comes to whatever room iI'm in, just to hang out. He doesn't talk anymore and if I pick him up he just wants to lay on the floor. He's sleeping too, which he didn't do at the vet.

I will call the vet later and update her and also ask her about the meds. I know she gave them to me to help him but part of me honestly wonders if it's pointless. I've already decided I won't have him put to sleep in her office. I've told my boss I wouldn't be in for the next few days; I need to be here if for no other reason than to keep things as familiar for Charlie as I can for as long as we're together. I couldn't bear the thought of him crossing over without me being around him. There's also a part of me that wants him to go on his terms and not euthanize him. I realize that's a decision for me and me alone, but like I said before this is my first time going through this as a single parent.

I know I've rambled on and probably left out a lot but I just needed to share, and even though I don't engage a lot on these boards there are people on here whose hearts are as big as the sky and whose love knows no bounds. If anyone has advice or guidance, I appreciate whatever you share. I know I have to go through this by myself but if I can consider you all my support group it would probably make things a little clearer and more helpful.

Blessings to each of you; my gratitude is eternal.

 

Thank you both for your kind heartfelt words. I realize the most important thing is what's best for Charlie. After speaking to the vet, she reassured me that I was doing just that. Maybe I was feeling guilty, like I was a bad parent for letting this happen to my little buddy. This is all so new to me, it's overwhelming at times. My head has started to clear a little, and if I can keep my focus I can make it. Thanks again.

 

Oh darling I am so very sorry. BIG HUGS sent.

 

Thanks, Candy Gal. I appreciate your thoughtfulness.

 

I am always happy to PM to support you.
Sometimes that helps?

 

Thanks, I'll keep my eyes open for you. Hugs.

 

I wanted to come back and update you guys on what's been going on.

Bringing Charlie home was the best thing I could have done. I'm sure he was scared and lonely at the vet; since he's come home he's slowly been getting back to his old self. He's still eating and drinking, he's actually been bugging me to feed him a few times a day. Last night I put some treats in his dish and he ate them. He even bugged me for some of my steak.

He tried jumping up on the couch the other night but couldn't make it. He tried again the next night and even though it was a struggle, he made it. He came and settled on my lap while I was watching TV. Last night, he jumped right up on the couch to get some steak. I was amazed - it brought tears to my eyes!

If I go out for a little while, sometimes I find him in the entrance hallway waiting for me just like always.

He still purrs when I pet him, he answers me sometimes when I talk to him, he still pees in the litterbox and lately he's started to go poo too (sorry for the graphics, but I want to share everything)

One of the confusing things for me is seeing him laying around all day. I know lethargy is one of the symptoms of his condition, but at the same time I realize that's what cats do. I'm sure that's what he did while I was at work every day. Maybe I'm trying to make an excuse for not making a decision yet, I don't know.

I'll speak to the vet later. She's been away for a few days, and I can't wait to talk to her. I almost want to bring him in just to show her how he's come back, but I won't stress Charlie out. I absolutely love this vet. I hadn't gone to her before last week, but you'd never know it. She'll call me just to see how it's going, and she seems thrilled at how well he's "rallied" as she puts it. It's almost like I have another friend to support me in this. She's an amazingly gracious woman and she's had more of an impact on me than she probably realizes.

One of the things I've noticed is how what's going on has made me do some soul-searching. I've started to try and fix things with some people I've hurt and treated badly, especially my mom. One of my close friends knows my relationship with her is damaged, mostly because of me. My friend knows what a huge step this was for me, and she said maybe it's Charlie's way of leading me home before I let him go. I love that. It's a bond I didn't realize I shared with my little buddy.

I know my little buddy will never be the same, and I know he's still got some serious issues. He's just gotten older. I never thought about something like this before. Like our parents, sometimes we think our pets will be around forever. Maybe the past few days have made me drop my guard. Maybe there's that part of me that's afraid to let him go because of how much it will hurt. I know I'll have to make a decision based on what's good for him, not me. But if nothing else, what I'm going through now will prepare me at least a little for when it's time.

There's so much more to tell, and in time, I will. Posting here is very therapeutic for me, almost cathartic. Here I know I won't be judged, only supported and loved. You don't know how enriching that is for me. Thanks for letting me in.

 

Oh that brought tears to my eyes. x

 

It's been a little while since I've written; so much has happened since last time.

Since my last post, Charlie had another fluid buildup; when I gave him his meds he became extremely anxious and had major difficulty breathing (he could barely catch his breath). I called the vet and took him in right away. She told me he was full of fluid and wanted to drain him right away. (She did a thoracocentesis, which is what they had done when he stayed overnight). She came in after and, before she brought him in to see me, suggested I take some time to think about making a decision. She brought him in while he was still semi-sedated. When she left, I spent some time with Charlie and even through his drug-induced haze, I saw a little bit of my old pal - he seemed better. She told me that he would probably have fluid building up within a week or two, and he wouldn't get better. I decided to take him home for the last time to spend as much time as I could with him; she was unbelievably supportive.

Once I took him home, he started to act like he always did. He would jump up on the couch, he still purred when I petted him, and he still ate and drank. He was still good in the litterbox. I was so glad I had some more time to spend with him, I know he enjoyed it too.

The past few days, though, he didn't seem like himself. He was still alert but he wasn't active, he wasn't eating a lot, and he didn't have to go to the litterbox much at all. He cried for food in the morning but that was it. I tried his favorite cat foods but he wasn't cleaning the bowl like he had done. He didn't even go wild for his favorite ice cream anymore.

This morning he cried to be fed, but only ate a bite or two. Ironically I had just found a different food he absolutely demolished and was going to the store to stock up. I'd try anything to get him to eat, and if there was something he liked, he'd get it. During the course of the day, though, his breathing became more labored and he became extremely lethargic. He wasn't even purring when I was petting him. Part of me thinks he was trying to tell me it was time to let him go.

For a minute I thought I could just take him in and have him drained again. Then I realized that wasn't fair to him, and I'd only be doing it for me. In a few weeks we'd be going through the whole thing all over again. I couldn't put him through that. By this time, I knew what the right thing to do was. I called the vet clinic (the woman who had been working with him is on vacation for a week - I was sad because as I've said before, I absolutely love her.) and when I told them I had decided to euthanize him they told me to come right in.

I called my mom, who has been incredibly loving and supportive - I'm so glad we're working on repairing our relationship. She had plans with her gentlemen friend, but cancelled them to go to the vet with Charlie and me. He even told her I was more important than what they had planned.

We got to the vet and they were all so kind and gracious. They made my final moments with Charlie as comforting as they could be. Hopefully that let me make things easier for him. I know I did the right thing for him, as much as it hurts me now. There's some solace in that. I'm comforted knowing he went to sleep peacefully while I looked in his eyes, petted him and talked to him. I'm having him cremated and getting his ashes returned to me.

It will be tough walking through the house seeing reminders of him everywhere, especially since I live alone. I had actually taken this week off from work to spend time with him, so this week will probably be emotionally crushing. The memories of the love we shared with each other will be a major help.

Thank you for reading, for allowing me to open up, and for the kind and gracious words you've all shared with me. I'll take more from here than any of you could realize, and for that I am profoundly grateful. I wish you all peace, love, and happiness.