How do you know it's time to ask for divorce?

Just,

Having read this and your other posts, sounds like one of the main reasons you want to divorce your husband is so you can fuck guys that well....know how to fuck.

Having been married so long, spent the last how ever long not learning how to chase them. Divorcing your husband and being free still doesnt mean you are going to get them

'Lifestyle' clubs arent going to cut it. Tell them you are divorced and they'll just think you are after a husband.again. Tell them you were married.for a long time and they will immediately catergorise you into a.category they.dont want

Then on top of.that you be competing with 20 yr old.girls or guys.as.the.case.may be.

It doesnt really have.anything to do with guys in the end. Its girls vs girls. The type thay will wait.at the.club after the.game for.the.fooballers, line up outside their hotel rooms, be 20 and look like.they've just come from a fashion shoot. Thats what you are.competing with.

Best to see.what.you.are actually going to be able to get before you get divorced. Otherwise it will be no.companion and similar.kind of.bad sex

 

Woman, GO TO A THERAPIST. Not a counselor, a therapist. You're using an anonymous internet forum as an unpaid therapist. Just think about that for a second. You need someone to talk to. You don't want to burden your friends. There are professionals who will do a much better job of it than us. You can afford one. Hire one.

Not all therapists are good at their jobs. Don't just go with the first one you pick out of the phone book. Shop around and find one that you like.

 

I will.

 

There are many similarities in my marriage. The differences between the two of you aren't going to improve. You didn't mention kids in the OP, but if I were you, I'd be out. I will be once my youngest is off to college.

 

We are responsible for the welfare of children.

We share loyalties with partners.

If we ourselves need help then any help you think you provide, probably hasn't been helpful. Marriage functions best to organize business on paper. A good relationship can make that arrangement civil.

 

I believe a counsellor will also make recommendations. However, there are also people that are so entrenched into the way they've been for so long that they find it nearly impossible to make adjustments. It sort of goes along with the idea that you can't teach an old dog new tricks. You've been catering to him for 15 years, and now you're butting you head against a solid wall.

What I would suggest, is that you evaluate your own mental state. If your own sanity is in danger because of your relationship, then something must change. If he will not or can not, then it's up to you. And, if divorce is your only option, you have little choice.

So, in answer to your original question; When is the right time to ask for a divorce? Before the situation begins to affect your sanity. Before it drives you to thoughts of suicide. And, if that has already crossed your mind, it's time to go. It does not sound like a healthy relationship.

 

I'm very sorry you're in a difficult marriage yourself.

I don't have children and I won't have them. I can't have children (hysterectomy).

 

That keeps things less complicated. You mention a lot in this thread that you feel responsible for him and that he'll be hurt. That is part of what is very wrong in your marriage. You are his caretaker.

 

I was fairly certain after the third exchange of gun fire.

 

I'm not, calgirl. He does lots of things on his own. But I love him and I've married him and I see it as a commitment to making him happy.

On a positive note, things that happened these last days made me think that our problem is really only sexual incompatibility. When I get good sex, I feel at peace, happy. Like now. I had sex, very good sex, and I feel light, that crushing thing gone. I'm still a bit sore in my mind, but feeling much better, a more positive outlook.

 

I admire that you want to make your husband happy. I wish I could feel the same as you so that I could do the same for my husband. The way I've evolved in this marriage is to first resign to what I got myself into, to seeing myself as a woman, to knowing it's ok to fully live my life without guilt. I know deep down that his happiness is not contingent on my presence.

My sex incompatibility with my husband is that he thinks I'm his fuckin mother/caretaker. I can't ever see him as a man, but only as someone I need to take care of. His very character is that he requires a strong woman, and I can't learn to be attracted to someone that isn't strong enough to function in life. If I were then to take on the responsibility to give him a life with meaning, I would start to dress him in diapers.