how do you get him to do oral better

I'm sure your frustration isn't helping anything either. It sounds more like a comminication problem than anything else... among other things, I suppose. The physical pain sounds awful, but I think the main problem is emotional for sure. Right now it sounds like it's all just stressing you out (and probably him as well) which is never good for sex.

So maybe you could try other things... like just playing around and flirting more. I don't know why people think that flirting is something you should do only before you have sex for the first time. It might sound stupid but maybe you could try playing hard-to-get or something.

I think the reason sex is so exciting when you're young is because you tend to play around more and wait before just jumping into it all... and after a while, it tends to become more of a mechanical process that fills a need or something.

I don't think he's a bad guy at all-- he sounds really supportive and it sounds like you really love each other. Maybe the big problem is you're both just doing it and not working up to it.

Honestly, it would be better for you both that way. Sure, guys can get off by just jumping into the sack and going at it without much foreplay, but it's not so enjoyable to do that if you're a guy either... it's kind of like a bad habit that develops because you get anxious or too practical about it. Don't get angry at him!