Hey, I have suffered depression to the degree that you're experiencing now and it's really important that you get to the doctor. It is quite likely that your serotonin levels are depleted, your mood is down and, consequently you have developed some really destructive thought patterns over time. When I finally got some help my doctor prescribed me anti-depressants(citalopram) and after about four weeks my mood was completely different. For once I could see the beauty in things and experience happiness - I felt more like me. I know it doesn't seem this way now, but life isn't really as dark as you see it. It is all perception and when we are not well, our perceptions can become really skewed. Anti-depressants are not forever. People quite often are only treated for a year while everything restores itself. Be gentle with yourself. There are millions of people out there going through the same thing and it is very normal to feel this way. There is an excellent Australian website www.beyondblue.org.au that has some helpful info on fighting depression and links to other international organisations. I'm not sure where you live, but you may like to use this as a starting point and go from there. Take care
I will. You see what you want to focus on. If all you focus on is pain, that's all that you will see. Try to change your focus and your mind will change. Peace and love