how do I understand this?

To be perefectly honest, I spend more time with my gf than I do with my bf.
Why? I don't know. Seems like he needs more than my bf.
But I also know that's because he's lonely and has nobody close to him other than me.
So i decided that in order to be fair and make everyone reletovely happy, including myself, I must start spending more time with my bf. That's right.
I just realized that when my gf announces one day: Guess, what?? I met someone special!!, I might be all alone then.

 

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I'm glad you are aware of how much time you spend with each.
You're right, building a healthy relationship takes time, not in number of years but in number of hours in a day.

And your gayfriend won't "branch out" if he spends all his time with you. He does sound a little needy/dependent. Maybe your boyfriend is right, he might need a little push to meet someone.

Some gay men get into hetro relationships to "prove" they're straight, which never seems to work. But also, they'll do it because it's safe. You can love someone without being hurt -because you will never love them in that special way. Love is always scary, but if he can show this much affection for you, there is a very lucky man out there waiting to be snatched up by your gay friend.

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wow, what i thought was simple now becomes very difficult.
I don't even know how to respond because so much has happened lately that I'm even more confused.
I met my gf for coffee tonight and started a conversation about him and his life and started asking him all these questions about his relationships, why he has no special person in his life and that I wold love to see him with a great guy and that I was sure this would happen soon. And he said that he doesn't care about anyone and he likes to be independent.Then he said he liked me and if I was ever alone and needed a boyfriend he would like to be one. I said that's cool and letf it that way.
What's happening here???? What you think???

 

oh, and by the way, I'm not kidding.

 

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I think it took long enough to ask him about his relationships and where he's at.

If you take him at his word, he's bi and it sounds like he's maybe more confused than you are. But it does make me think of a plot for a hollywood movie.

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he want's your ass. stop hanging out with him as much.

 

I think it took long enough to ask him about his relationships and where he's at.

Actually, we have talked about his private life many times before, we're firends after all. i have known about his previous relationships quite a bit.
He has been with a woman, as I mentioned before and then with a man for a while. Honestly, I have suspected him to be bi but when he said he was gay I believed him. Why would he lie? I still don't think of him as a liar and now I'm starting to think that might just be confused, like you said.
And another question for you if I may. when he said he liked me, I felt like he meant it in more that "we're friends" kind of way. Should I just trust my instincts or say: he's gay, he couldn't mean it that way.

But it does make me think of a plot for a hollywood movie.
Oh no, I don't want my life to be a movie script. I wish things were simpler.

 

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Should I just trust my instincts or say: he's gay, he couldn't mean it that way.

He does seem to be going back and forth, like you say. It sounds like you may need to clarify these questions and let him know how you feel about his advances. He could be coming onto you because he is bi, or he could be coming onto you for any number of reasons that aren't necessarily mean or dishonest. At the least if he isn't being honest with himself, how can he be honest with you.

It seems to be causing a rift in your friendship, and your relationship with your bf. You may want to ask him to clarify where he is on that, and explain why you have these concerns.

The two of you, or he, may want to seek counseling if he has trouble reconciling his attractions. There is only so much help we can provide here.
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