How do I know I'm trans?

Discussion in 'Transexual and Transgender' started by justayounggirl12, Dec 22, 2012.

  1. justayounggirl12

    justayounggirl12 Member

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    I've for about 7 years felt like I wish I were like a real guy before that I just felt disconnected with my body having gone through precocious puberty I try to identify with my boobs and I like guys I like attracting them but I can't help but feel like a gay guy anyhow how does one know for sure I look at myself and see a baby faced pretty girl and I like it but I feel as though its someone else's body like I don't match my body and i feel a bit disconnected. I feel crazy for feeling like I'm not a girl I wrote a part on how it's insanity but I feel like this and I've accepted I won't change my feelings I lived as a boy in my teens mainly but now I'm trying to be a girl trying to accept what I am but it's hard I've considered maybe when I'm older ill look into it but now idk I don't know if I'm really strong enough plus I feel it's insane am I trans or not? How would I know?
     
  2. Vanilla Gorilla

    Vanilla Gorilla Go Ape

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    Read up all on precocious puberty first. it means you were in that first couple of percent. Most of everyone else wont understand what its like being a girl 6-8 already having most men looking at your boobs all the time, girls your age and anywhere up to 10 years older snotty at you for having them.

    Trans is pretty standard nowadays, a whole bunch of checks nowadays you'll have to go through before the doctors sign off on anything. So really it comes down to medical indemnity. The irony of it being more accepted and known of nowadays means its really up to a whole bunch of doctors. But read up on all that too
     
  3. justayounggirl12

    justayounggirl12 Member

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    I didn't experience that at all I just didn't like that I didn't feel as much a child as others did like playing tag when you look 12 or 13 makes you feel like a retard. But anyhow I was just wondering what makes someone exactly transgender
     
  4. Vanilla Gorilla

    Vanilla Gorilla Go Ape

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    ACOG Trans health guide


    A canadian example of the processes used by clinicians incuding whats listed under the first (diagnostic) phase

    from here

    As I said really in the end up to a whole bunch of professionals, they are not going to sign off until they are sure. So really in the end, it all comes down to going to one such place and going through that initial phase.

    By no means trying to tell you what you are, but lots of evidence noways to suggest it shows up very early on. And that above everything else its gender non conformity that causes most of the stress later on (even more than sexual assault trauma).

    Being 4 years old and throwing things at your mom cause she wont let you do boy things, or makes you wear girls clothes, feeling trapped in the wrong body. You still know what you are, early on. So you will still conform to that gender.

    Being 8 and looking 12, feeling like a retard is a different kind of body dismorphia.

    But dont listen to me, you havent provided enough information, best you go do that initial phase at least to help pin down what you are.

    Again as I said, non conformity comes before everything else, the suicide and depression rates are high amongst teens and adults more so for those that dont know what they are, dont know where they fit in. Its a very important point, that is a bigger factor than how different they are to everyone else. You can be very different to pretty much everyone else, but the earlier you work out what you are the far less stressful it is
     
  5. justayounggirl12

    justayounggirl12 Member

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    Yeah I'm confused on what to do basically.

    And the way I felt like the opposite gender really started at about 12. But what I felt was to be the other sex trans people make me feel like others see it as trying to be the other gender instead of actually being. No one will ever see me as an actual guy and that frustrates me especially since I'm attracted to guys. I feel I have to chose one or the other.

    When I was 8 that feeling just was the start of really not identifying with the road my body was headed to. When I was 14 I had like where I like her how she looks but I don't want to really be her. But I like the effect it gives I attract a lot more guys the way I am rather than the way I want to be. Guys don't like trans guys whether gay or straight. And it makes my position in society so much harder being a racial minority a female and lgbt on top of that I'm not sure in life if I want to do what I want if it makes my life harder I guess I've tried in counseling to try to talk about it. But I just feel like I'm crazy again. Idk I don't feel trapped I feel disconnected I don't like when others treat me as a female either it bothers me.
     
  6. Invisible Soul

    Invisible Soul Burning Angel

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    Vanilla Gorilla is right, although my own personal experience with medical "professionals" in this field was a complete nightmare, and I was massively hindered rather than helped most of the time by clinicians in the field.

    However, unless you have the money to pay for private treatment, you will have to go down the route of being asessed by psychologists, and clinicians.

    As for how do you know you're trans... well, for a start, there are a whole range of different identities and behaviours which fall under the "trans umbrella". It is very possible that you are trans in some way, though that doesn't necessarily mean that you have a burning desire to transition (to male), or that you find your female identity intolerable to live with.

    That is the harsh reality of the situation, and there's not really much you can do about it. If you transition, it really must be because you cannot live without doing so, and it must be totally for yourself, and nobody else. It is true that the vast majority of people (even most of those who do not actively hate/dislike trans people) will never see transsexuals completely as the gender they identify as. The gender you were assigned at birth will always be your "real" gender to most people, and sadly there isn't anything you can do change that.

    Life can be extremely difficult for transsexuals, especially when it comes to love related matters, and affairs of the heart. For this reason, only those who actually need to transition, should do so.

    You are asking questions, and I know you want answers, but at the end of the day, the only person who knows whether or not you're really male, is you. Nobody can know that better than you. One of the huge problems trans people face, is having to deal with other people thinking they know who they are better than they know themselves. The one thing I can tell you for definite, is that if you do need to transition, the feelings you have will only grow, intensify, and get worse. They will not go away.

    If the idea of living your life as female is intolerable, and you feel completely in your heart and soul that you are male, then you will have to transition, or things will only get worse emotionally and mentally, for you. However, if you don't feel either of those things, then you do not need to transition. Of course, not needing to transition doesn't necessarily mean you are not transgender, because not all transgender people need to (or even want to) transition.

    I think it is likely that you probably are somewhere on the transgender spectrum, whether or not you actually need to transition though, is harder to answer. It really all comes down to how desperately you need to be seen as, and to live as male, and how bad that being seen as female, and being expected to live as that gender for the rest of your life makes you feel. However, the fact that you refer to yourself as a girl in your username, would seem to indicate that being viewed as female is something that you are at least somewhat comfortable with. Of course, you could be in denial, but like I said before, that is something that only you can know.
     
  7. justayounggirl12

    justayounggirl12 Member

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    I refer to myself as a girl because I feel insane doing otherwise I wrote a paper on how I feel what I have is a sickness. But inside naturally I don't. I feel like I am a girl and if I had any excuse not to be this way I'd take it and exploit it as much as possible. But I feel like I'm stuck with something good but something I don't really like but im grateful for the life GOD gave me and allows me to live. I just don't fit with the girls I don't like their attire I don't do much of what they do it seems. I always want to be one of the guys but it never works. So I'm stuck in the personality I have and my soul but what people see is a very feminine girl
     
  8. Vanilla Gorilla

    Vanilla Gorilla Go Ape

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    An important point unfortunately, most people aghast at the concept of someone unqualified on the internet saying yeah be sceptical about them, but the real world gets in the way. Not passionate about their job, in it for the money, just trying to expand things with you so you pay for more sessions. being great other wise but not terribly familiar with cases like yours, or even just the time of the day you see them 10 am they are still fresh and attentive, where as 4pm, last cab of the rank they are tired and want to go home - you dont get their best. Or they went to a good school cos mommy and daddy were wealthy, but they ordinary academically and just really reguritate texts books. Its the samr with regular GPs and Surgeons, finding the really good ones is hard.

    You didnt say what country you are from, if in the US maybe the trip to somewhere like John Hopkins is worth it for that initial phase, or one on the west coast, I forget which hospital, but there are a couple in the US that are trans specialist. Places like that screen more people that are non trans than trans. Look up something called the utrecht scale which may be a little out of date but theyll use something similar, goes into a lot of areas of your life. But basically people used to doing those kinds of assesment will better point you in the direction to go. And I believe most of the top ones in the US you dont need to worry about healthcare initially any way. Any other western country and it'll be on the national health scheme

    I dont think there are any regular trans members here, so maybe go hunt up a FTM forum.....but also unfortuanetly you will get a lot of bitchiness from within LGBT itself, and the T itself

    And there arent really many of those type of forums anyway, that have much more to do with things other than tramsitioning, because working out what you are then which types of other people you are going to get on with is really up to you, and that changes with age

    You said 7 years from 12, so I'm assuming you are around 19, guys that age are pretty much all dickheads anyway. some remain dickheads but some mellow out as they get older, so that will get easier. Whereas the girls, well I wont comment on them in this thread ;)

    Anyhoo, by the sounds of it, first and foremost you need to hunt down professionals that know what they are talking about, ones that are used to trans issues, wherever the main center for that is in your country
     
  9. Invisible Soul

    Invisible Soul Burning Angel

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    I dunno about calling it a "sickness". It is the case that transsexualism is classed as a medical condition, though I believe this is not the case for most other transgender people who are not transsexual.

    Just because you don't fit in with the girls, or like their attire and stuff, doesn't make you a man. I've been a tomboy all my life, generally get on better with men, and don't look feminine in the slightest, yet I have never identified as male. When it comes down to things like clothes, and personality, the only thing making them "male" or "female" are culturally dictated stereotypes. Neither of those things are gender specific. There's a difference between liking so-called "masculine" things, and feeling that you are actually man. If you feel like you are a girl, then it is very unlikely I think, that you are transsexual. Perhaps transgender on some level, but not transsexual.

    Now, the only reason I'm not saying out and out that you're not transsexual, is because you seem to have a very negative viewpoint of what being trans means, and also, what it would mean for you if other people viewed you as that and started treating you in negative ways due to that. Many trans people delay transition for many years, due to fear of others' reactions if they came out, and also because they feel that no matter what they do, they will never be a "real" member of the gender they identify as, and that others will not see them as that gender either. These are things that I picked up on in your previous post.

    My gut instinct tells me that you probably don't need to transition, but seeing as denial is common in many trans people before they transition, I cannot say that for sure. Whether you actually feel like a girl, or you are just forcing yourself to feel like that because you feel like you could never be a "real boy", and be treated as that by society, only you can answer. The fact that you said that calling yourself a boy would be "insane" was very telling. It could mean that you actually don't see yourself as male at all (in which case it would be insane to say so), or again, you could just be in denial. But if you don't find living as a girl debilitating, and a massive stress that you feel unable to cope with, then it is highly unlikely that you are trans, and you definitely shouldn't transition.
     
  10. Invisible Soul

    Invisible Soul Burning Angel

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    The part of your post I've bolded is precisely the reason why I wasn't taken seriously by some clincians, and as a result, not given the appropriate treatment. I ironically, didn't fit the transsexual stereotype that was expected of me, and I refused to jump through the hoops that they wanted me to. Now, I have a better knowledge of exactly why I didn't fit that stereotype, but at the time, I didn't. All I knew was, that because I was a little tomboyish, and turned up to appointments in jeans rather than in ultra feminine attire, I wasn't taken seriously. So what that experience taught me, is that even so-called "experts" in the field don't treat trans people as real members of the gender with which they identify. In order to meet their criteria, you must present as a very narrow stereotype of the "transitioned to" gender.

    Now, there are some good clinicians out there, and I know that, because after many years, I finally met one. But there are also a lot out there, who, if you don't happen to fit their very narrow criteria, will not take you seriously. The good clinician that I eventually seen admitted that the main problem in my case was, that I was being evaluated by other clinicians as a trans person, not as a woman. Now of course, he was armed with knowledge that they didn't have, but he said that made no difference, as he viewed me as a woman before he had that knowledge.
     
  11. justayounggirl12

    justayounggirl12 Member

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    I don't feel like a girl... Not inside. But I look at my body I am so short and so frail and I have a large chest that I feel like at 5'1" and with my face ill never look like to others anything but a girl. My face is the type that looks pretty and feminine without hair so its in my bones so yes it's insane because every month reality shows I'm not a guy. I feel as though my mind doesn't want or to accept my body it is what it is. That individual body is female although I don't want to associate with it. And I feel bad for that because I should be grateful for the life I have for how I look. But I just can't connect. Which is pretty much why I see the whole situation feeling stuck with a girls body as sick that I should accept my mind and not my body I've written on it I've looked up that being trans means the brain is different I just want a normal brain. Idk
     
  12. Invisible Soul

    Invisible Soul Burning Angel

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    Well, the huge problem here, and the ultimate reason why transition is necessary for those with severe gender dysphoria, is that the body is something that can be changed, at least to a certain degree. Your brain on the other hand, is something which cannot be changed. So if your brain is a different sex to your body, it's the body that has to be changed, seeing as the brain cannot be.

    I know what it's like to look in the mirror and see a total stranger looking back at me. Although I don't look overtly masculine, and most strangers do address me as female, my secondary male physical characteristics have always been a huge source of pain and distress for me. And will forever be. The mere idea of any man or woman being attracted to those male physical features fills me with revulsion and frustration.

    I guess whether you need to transition or not all boils down to how bad it makes you feel, to live as a girl, and to have other people viewing you as one, and treating you in kind. Unless you find that situation to be intolerable, I would advise against transition, as it is an extremely difficult process for most who undergo it. Of course, many trans people try to fight how they feel inside, and attempt to force themselves to try and accept the body they were born into. But unfortunately if you are actually trans, this is something that you will not be able to do. That's why it's best to try and get to the bottom of your feelings now, than reaching 40 or a similar age, and wishing that you'd accepted your true self much sooner. I can't say whether you are trans or not, all I can say is, if you are trans, the sooner you accept that and figure out how to proceed with that knowledge, the better it will be for you.
     
  13. justayounggirl12

    justayounggirl12 Member

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    But if I transition I feel as though I don't love what I am naturally.
     
  14. Invisible Soul

    Invisible Soul Burning Angel

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    What's unnatrual about your brain? What makes your outer body and sexual organs of any more importance than your brain? Just because they can be seen and the brain can't be? Denying your inner self, is also going against nature. If you really are trans, and you have a male brain, is defying those feelings not also an example of you not loving what you are naturally? Loving yourself has at least as much to do with (if not even more so to do with) loving who you are inside, as much as it has to do with loving your outside. If you are trans, then suppressing that means that you don't love who you are, not who you are inside. Unless you feel that what's inside is not as important as what's outside. And if you do feel that, why do you feel that?

    Of course, you can be trans, and not transition, you may not even need to transition. But if inside, you are really male, then trying to defy that, means that you don't love who you are naturally. The brain is the most vital organ in your body, but many people dismiss it's importance in making a person who they are, simply because it is hidden from view. It's more than likely that you are not trans, but if you are, I can promise you that trying to hide and suppress that will only lead to a world of hurt. If you feel strongly about it, you should definitely seek some help.

    You need to find out why you feel a disconnect from your body, It might have absolutely nothing to do with being trans. But the thing is, if you actually are transsexual, then you will never be able to love the female physical aspects of yourself, that is the cold hard fact of the matter.
     
  15. justayounggirl12

    justayounggirl12 Member

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    I want to love to get to know what's inside and I fear it slightly then again I grew up knowing mentally I'm messed up because of other defects in my mind. Mentally I've had other issues I've had to suppress.
     
  16. Invisible Soul

    Invisible Soul Burning Angel

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    "Other defects"? Hmm... Perhaps these other issues were the trigger for you feeling a disconnect with your body, rather than you actually being trans. For me, all my issues and problems growing up were directly (and sometimes indirectly) caused by me being brought up as the wrong gender.

    I think that once you get to the bottom of these other issues that you've been suppressing, and deal with them, then you will have a much better idea if you're actually trans or not. My advice would be to seek help for these other issues that you just mentioned. It could be that once they are dealt with, you will no longer feel a disconnect with your body. If you deal with them, and you still feel that disconnect, then you will have to seek help for what may be genuine trans issues.
     
  17. justayounggirl12

    justayounggirl12 Member

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    Not exactly what I was talking about was that like what's inside I think isn't good really tbh
     
  18. Invisible Soul

    Invisible Soul Burning Angel

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    What don't you think is really good? Do you mean these "other issues"? Or the feeling a disconnect from your body? If you meant the latter, I don't think anybody who has severe gender dysphoria thinks that it's "good" to feel like that. Nobody likes feeling their mind and body are not aligned and out of sync with each other. I would question someone's sanity if they actually enjoyed having gender dysphoria. Of course it isn't good.
     
  19. justayounggirl12

    justayounggirl12 Member

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    No that I don't necessarily think how I think is right but I accept how I am either way really.
     
  20. justayounggirl12

    justayounggirl12 Member

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    Sometimes I think maybe the sexual abuse caused it that I now dislike women because of how society sees them.
     

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