How do I give up?

Discussion in 'Love and Sex' started by MatrimCauthon, May 31, 2006.

  1. MatrimCauthon

    MatrimCauthon Member

    So I was dating a girl for over two years and I split up with her, and ever since my life has changed in ways I would never wish on anyone. I was on the brink of suicide so I signed up for the military, which was probably a very good decision at the time. When I got out of my initial training, I met a replacement for my ex and she was/is great, but two years later she says she doesn't love me like I love her. I've lost all self confidence, and I don't know what to do. All of my life I've dated at least one girl at a time, and beautiful girls at that, but now it seems like everythings becoming dim and it's really scary. I guess maybe it's karma or something like that, but I don't think I really deserve it. What makes it worse is that I'm in the middle east and I don't really get the chance to go out and see people I know to help me with the situation. I keep feeling like I'm going to end up alone, without someone to share all that I've worked for. I just want to give up on women for a while, and concentrate on my career, but it seems so impossible... my mind just keeps going back to it. Any suggestions?
     
  2. ihmurria

    ihmurria fini

    you need to be happy with yourself first
    and not rely on a woman to make you feel better about yourself.
     
  3. MatrimCauthon

    MatrimCauthon Member

    That excuse doesn't work. There is deep sense of "I need a partner here to help me make my decisions, help me be a better person". The cliche answers won't work on this one. It's not about any of the girls in particular, it's that sensation. Having sex with random girls doesn't resolve the issue either, by the way.
     
  4. ihmurria

    ihmurria fini

    you're relying on others for things that you should be relying on yourself for
    it's not healthy

    maybe it's cliche, but it's the truth even if it isn't what you want to hear.
     
  5. MatrimCauthon

    MatrimCauthon Member

    No... I'm not relying on others to make my decisions for me. Every time someone asks for help, they are asking for someone to make their decision for them? You're ignorant. I'm continuing my life, making progress, and doing fairly well. I just thought someone may have felt like I do at one point and could tell me how they dealt with it. And I'm not relying on others. I'm trying to get others out of the memories in my past to clear the way for my future.
     
  6. dtownballer

    dtownballer Member

    keep ya head up..think about the good things, try to think about ways to fix the bad
    i know its gonna hurt to try to move on and forget about ppl but u gotta do it
    cuz she is...all i can say is keep ya head up, keep urself surrounded by ppl that make you happy, and just try talkin to a lotta ppl (both sexes)
     
  7. .Hannah.

    .Hannah. Member

    Hey. I've had a few rebounds. Sounds kind of bad but no regrets and I certainly did get my own load of shit for it. I don't believe in karma.

    I understand where you're coming from but what Imhurria is trying to say is that it's a bit difficult to go through life expecting there to always be someone helping you out of a tough spot. Expecting there to be a partner, or a girl, there to constantly be with you, a companion. Life just isn't that way sometimes.

    I mean you could keep going from relationship to relationship because you're afraid of being alone, but from your first post I could sense a whole load of baggage already just from two relationships. Are you sure you want to go on this way? Relationships.. even if you start out as fuck buddies and things get complicated, takes a tremendous toll on a lot of people - emotionally, mentally even spiritually if that's a big thing for you.

    The time in the middle east will be over before you know it. Perhaps it's not easy finding some peace or serenity there in a warzone but try? What was the reason you went away for anyway? To clear your head? To "get away from it all"? Well? Why aren't you using it constructively?

    The only thing I found relying on people (rebounds or dependant relationships) is that the more you expect and desire, the deeper and deeper you fall into a hole. And it's a black hole no one can help you out of in the end. Face it, dreams shatter. Relationships end.

    At the same time women aren't stupid. We sense when a person is desperate (sorry, bluntness). You sound plain desperate and it's a turn off to most people. Chill out and honestly for once, just be comfortable being alone. You're so self-absorbed right now - do you deserve this or that etc. Why aren't you concentrating on dealing with what IS? Not to mention selfish regarding your second gf? Do you actually think she didn't love you? I doubt it. I'm willing to bet she could probably see right through you, and then completely lost interest. I know this situation too well.

    I'm not writing this to make you angry or upset. But maybe you might like to go over a few things again. It's okay to be selfish sometimes, it's fine to take care of yourself and keep your sanity. I don't know about you, but I was running with a blindfold and though I loved those people very much in their own way, it was clinging to them that definitely coloured my judgement of what was best for myself - and I lied to myself about our compatibility just because I didn't want to be alone.

    Be honest with yourself.
     

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