I'm not sure what to think about this one: http://www.cnn.com/2005/EDUCATION/08/29/helicopter.parents.ap/index.html .
I donno, my experience is just the opposite, mom visits me for my birthday, restocks my fridge, she doesn't even come in for a cup of coffee when she drives by the city. My dad comes more often maybe 2-3 times a year, but lives further away (middle east) he does a huge fridge and whatever I want restocking trip with me (he even does that when I don't need anything, just for the reason that they have become tradition...) Other than that, It would be highly uncool among mates if parents get too involved. But they are always there when I really need them. I had a broken knee this summer, and my dad helped me to clean out my studio in the academy, as I was not able to walk, and drove stuff to my flat, as I don't have a car myself. I think this form of parental intervention is ok, as it's just about 4 times a year. I mean after all, parents are parents, the people that raised you, and that love you, and you love them, this doesn't stop when you go to college. But this "intervention" should never go that far, that students have to rely on parents for everyday chores. I mean I know plenty of people (especially guys) that still take their laundry to mom, even if their dorm is perfectly well equipped with washing maschines, and that is imho only rediculus.
That's out of hand. By the time you are mature enough to go away for college, you should be able to handle day to day living on your own. I don't think my parents ever called the University the entire time I was attending. I think this is a blow back from the Day Care generation. Kids who not only were left too young and for too long, but who were given hourly updates from the day care center and even from the grade and high schools. Trying to separate kids and their mamas too early leads to a lack of EVER getting indepenent, from what I have seen. My kids are MUCH more independent than kids who were day care raised. I KNOW some people don't have a choice, but day care, 10 hours a day from 3 weeks of age IS going to have some bad consequences. "Hoovering" is just one of them. JMO.
yikes. i'd lose my mind. i was a latch-key kid, cooking my own meals and getting ready for bed since i was 5 or so. i can't imagine my mom trying to interfere with my life.
Yeah that's insane. I'm nearly 20, and during my year at university they have never even directly contacted my parents. We just like to pretend they don't exist, because yeah the students should be grown up enough to handle it. I would be so fucking embarassed if my parents tried to pull that kind of thing. They wouldn't dream of it either. The only suppourt is what I ask for, that which is necessary for survival or simply stuff I can't do yet (have never paid bills and such before). Otherwise yeah am on my own. Literally, they've gone to Norway this week. My Mum's business partner (Ros) still mothers her kids, who are all older than me, and they're so clingy and ridiculous. They call Ros like ten times a day between them. Where as Mum has to call us. It's not that I don't care about and need my parents, but come on, you gotta grow up sometime and college is the perfect oppotunity.
My parents are going to be a problem with this one. I did a summer program for 3 weeks at UMiami and it was my first extended time alone as well as my first plane ride alone. My parents insisted on walking me to the gate and waiting until I got on my plane to leave. Then, every single day of the 3 weeks my mom would call my cell phone at least 5 times a day to check up on me. She knew when I got out of class and would call me the minute I was due out and be very upset if I didn't answer (which was most of the time). I don't even want to know how she's going to act when I go to college. I'm thinking about just keeping my cell phone turned permanently off. Even worse is my parents expect me to come home EVERY summer. Rather than let me take summer classes and intern so I can graduate within 5 years, they'd prefer that I come home every summer and holiday and spend 6 years in undergrad. It's insane. My mom was a stay at home mom and even when she went to work at a daycare, my brother and I were always with her. Then she started teaching at our elementary school and subbed at our middle school. It's only now that we're in high school that we don't see her CONSTANTLY throughout the day, and she knows all my teachers just to "keep updated" although it's not like I need her to regulate my schedule. She never learned to let go.
I have found that kids who were actually Attachment Parented are LESS likely to have this hoovering going on. I wouldn't DREAM of calling the college Sunshine goes to. Yeah, she's told me stuff that I could get upset about. But she is 19 and a sophmore, she really has to handle it on her own. And, as she was attended to as a small child, she IS handling it. Moon starts next year. Two in college, heaven help us.
That totally blows my mind. When mom and my step-dad dropped me off last year, they helped take my stuff to my room from the van, then left to stroll campus while I waited for my room-mate and arranged my room. We had a quick lunch together, then I hugged them there, and left. I didn't see the again until Thanksgiving. I don't have a cell phone, so mom heard from me once a week, on Sunday nights. I also called my bio. father then too. I didn't want them fussing about me and my education. I paid for it myself. I made the decisions about majors/classes/room-mates/parties and weekends all by myself. Why would I want them to call admin and complain for me? So what if I had a professor that didn't like me? I needed to learn to deal with it. These parents bug the hell out of me. How do they ever expect that their children will GROW UP to be ADULTS if they aren't forced out of the nest? I mean, when raising your children, shouldn't you be thinking about how you want them to be when they are adults? I mean, they don't stay kids forever. You can't treat them like kids forever. Blah!
My mom works at the registrars office at a community college, and let me tell you, there are parent's involved in everything. Parents who demand access to students grades (which are confidential. They can only be given out with the student's permission), who pick out their classes, and even choose their majors. They also hand pick professors, argue over whether or not the student should've gotten the grades, try to withdraw them from classes (which only a student or a professor can do), etc… You know, things that should be the students’ responsibility. I respect a parent who wants to be involved, especially since parents often pay for tuition, but parents need to realize that their baby is in college now. You can be supportive without being dominating. People are not going to grow up unless they’re given room to.
You know, that's kind of the reason why I don't support the idea of parents paying for tuition and room and board. When I have children, I most certainly will not pay for those things. I'll probably have other children to worry about, as well as other things that come up. Not to mention, I've always felt that what you earn and pay for yourself, you respect and cherish more. If you have to work for the money to get through college, or those loans are on YOUR head, you're going to try harder and respect it more. Why should a parent indebt themselves for children when those children should be learning adult responsibility? I know that with the FAFSA though, my income will hender my children's search for scholarships and loans, so I will make up the difference. But I want my children to search every available resource to pay for their own education before I step in. I don't want them to think that mommy is always going to be able to give them things. My mom didn't do that with me, and I think I'm more level-headed and independent because of it. JMO.
I know someone who works in the financial aid office at a college. She gets really frustrated with some of the parents who call. They first ask about their kid's financial aid. Then it turns into "Is he ok? Is he getting enough to eat? Is he getting enough sleep? Does he have friends there?" She literally has to hang up on the parents politely because she has a room full of other people and their financial aid issues to deal with. .
Yup, I had a helicopter mom, hated it, still do.Yes, these types of parents should freak people out, it sure as hell freaked me out when I was younger. Left lots of scars I am still trying to heal. Namaste Francine
Thing is, most teens and early 20s, who are in school full time don't have anywhere NEAR the $20,000 or so a year you need to go to University. In the 60s and even the early to mid 70s college was cheap enough for students to pay their own way, but my oldest dd didn't even make enough to pay for her first year at Community College. It cost about $5,000, that she just couldn't have gotten on her own. And, we don't get any financial help from the Gubment at all. (We're white and middle-slightly upper middle class, we don't make enough to actually PAY for college, but we qualify for virtually NOTHING. Every penny this year and last came out of our savings, loans and some savings bonds. I don't know what we will do when we have TWO in college at one (next year) WE can't afford it, I don't know how a 19 year old and a 17 year old will be able to.
yep, i was in the same situation. no money because we had just enough to state we weren't in poverty.
well, I just took out UBER loans. I had scholarships, and what scholarships didn't pay for, I took out loans. I appreciated that money a whole hell of a lot more because it was a loan over MY head. I dunno. It's just my thought.
