"Now remember, as far as anyone knows, we’re a nice, normal family." -There's No Disgrace Like Home, Homer Simpson, Season 1, Episode 4, Original air date: January 28, 1990. "Oh! Mr. Burns!! Hide the stuff I borrowed from work!" "Borrowed?" "Okay, that stuff I stole from work." "Oh, okay..." -Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment, Homer and Bart Simpson, Season 2, Episode 13, Original air date: February 7, 1991. "So they won't get letters. You know the letters people write... 'Dear somebody... how is so-and-so? Blah, blah, blah. Yours truly, Some Bozo'. Big loss. Look out for the mailman. Give me a signal." "Mailman's here." "We'll use that." "No, I mean the mailman's here!" "God! Are you planning to water the mail?" "It wouldn't do any good to run because you know my name, right?" "That's right." "Well, I'm still gonna run!.." -Blood Feud, Bart and Homer Simpson, and mail lady, Season 2, Episode 22, Original air date: July 11, 1991. "Look, Dad, there's a spot." "D'oh!" "There's a spot, dear." "D'oh!" "Oh, there's a good one!" "That spot says 'compact only'." "Marge, that's just a suggested car size." -Colonel Homer, Lisa, Homer and Marge Simpson, Season 3, Episode 20, Original air date: March 26, 1992. "Oh, I'm gonna lose my job just 'cause I'm dangerously unqualified!" "Mr. Simpson, there is a way. We could, well, use a computer to change your grade." "Computers can do that?" "Oh, yes. The only problem is the moral dilemma it raises, which requires—" "[Kissing computer] Oh, I love—moral whuzzah?" -Homer Goes to College, Homer Simpson and the nerd 2, Season 5, Episode 3, Original air date: October 14, 1993. "This is dangerous. I wish we could have found a sitter for Maggie." "[Gasps] Super Fun Happy Slide!" "No, Dad." "Oh! I guess kIlling will be fun enough." -Treehouse of Horror IV ("Bart Simpson's Dracula"), Marge, Homer and Lisa Simpson, Season 5, Episode 5, Original air date: October 28, 1993. "Oh, yeah. This is the life. Boy, next summer can you commit some fraud in Orlando, Florida?" "I'm way ahead of you, Dad." -Bart vs. Australia, Homer and Bart Simpson, Season 6, Episode 16, Original air date: February 19, 1995. "Homer, where did you get that!" "Get what?" "That giant doughnut." "Well, I acquired it legally. You can be sure of that." -Treehouse of Horror VI ("Attack of the 50-Foot Eyesores"), Marge and Homer Simpson, Season 7, Episode 6, Original air date: October 29, 1995. "Dad! I must protest. You're abusing a program intended to help the unfortunate." "I'm not saying it isn't sleazy, honey. But try to see it my way. All my life, I've been an obese man trapped inside a fat man's body." "Have you told Mom about this?" "No. It would only worry her. If you want to add to her worries, go ahead. I guess I'm just a little more grateful for all she's done for us." -King-Size Homer, Season 7, Episode 7, Original air date: November 5, 1995. "I can explain, Marge. Please let me explain. Oh, why won't you let me explain!" "You're the one the papers have been talking about. That mysterious Beer Baron who's been supplying Springfield with alcohol. How have you been getting away with this?" "Well... And I can explain. Remember? I fill the balls with beer that I found at the dump. And then I bowl them and some underground pipes take them into Moe's." "Homer, that's very clever." "Huh?" "Mom?" "Well, it is. I've known your father since high school and this is the cleverest thing he's ever done. Besides, he's only breaking a silly, 200-year-old law." "It is silly, Marge. And look at all the money I'm making!" "Whoo..." "Mom! Prohibition may be unpopular, but it's the law, and we still have..." "[All three together:] GO TO YOUR ROOM, LISA!!" -Homer vs. the 18th Amendment, Homer, Marge, Lisa and Bart Simpson, Season 8, Episode 18, Original air date: March 16, 1997. "Laddie's not coming. I gave him away." "What's the matter, Bart? Weren't you happy with him?" "No. He just wasn't the right dog for me. I'm sure he'll be happy as a police dog." "[camera pans over to Homer] He'd better know how to keep his mouth shut..." -The Canine Mutiny, Bart, Marge and Homer Simpson, Season 8, Episode 20, Original air date: April 13, 1997. "Who wants to guess how I got the money?" "Dealing drugs?" "Drugs?" "I'll have to say drugs too." "Close, but you're way off. Look at that beautiful garbage. Other cities don't want it, so they pay me to dump it in this old abandoned mine." "That's awful! I almost wish it were drugs." -Trash of the Titans, Season 9, Episode 22, Homer, Bart. Lisa and Marge Simpson, Original air date: April 26, 1998.
