~HOMEMAKERS~ Has it EVOLVED????

dave wants me to have my own account. everything we have is a joint account, but we have the hardest time keeping the money straight. it makes both of us insane. i need an account that i can use to pay the bills and not have to answer for every single dollar that goes out, and vice versa.

 

that one is a pearl! LOL! thanks for sharing, thats so true!
same for men bringing garbage out IF ask to do so, and for men making some reparation at the handwash, during the wekend, and oding as if they are a hero!
They work on their weekend! and most of them do ahndy work cause they like it as hobby.. while women do the same shit job cause someone got to do it!

 

This guy is normal. All the others are abnormals.
It is only fair and normal to have one account when sharing everything else.
Beside thats funny that christian guys who go to church singing that they shall share it all with the world, does not even share their bank account with their wife.. soemtimes, not even their car!
LOL!

 

you know...i'll give the thought of doing the housework when the bitching of me doing it wrong stops...

"you cleaned the bathroom wrong; you put this in the wrong spot; the clean dishes aren't supposed to be there; wrong detergent for washing clothes; the mail doesn't belong there; you didnt' vaccum fully"...etc

if you ladies weren't so obsessive with how things are supposed to be cleaned or where things are placed...then i'd be more proactive with doing housework, but until then i'll stick to taking the trash out and wait to be asked to help for everythign else other than my own laundry. i'm not gonna deal with being bitched at for doing the housework "wrong"

 

or you could just learn to do it right. i know guys love to do things half assed to get out of having to do it again. don't be a baby. do the laundry right. use the right stuff in the bathroom and get over it. you've had to train for every other job you've ever had, why is this one something you get to get out of?

 

the point is - there is no right way

but if a lady is gonna go on a power trip when things aren't "where they are supposed to be" then i just won't do it at all

 

*sigh* it's not a power trip. it's a job. if you're in an office and you keep putting the toner at the top of the broom closet, someone's gonna get annoyed. if you file things in the wrong place, shit isn't gonna be found. if you're doing laundry and putting red clothes in with white, everything's gonna be pink. if you bleach something unbleachable, it's going to be ruined. if you have a kid with exzema and you use the wrong detergent, the kids gonna have a nasty reaction. learn the processes, and quit bitching about them.

there IS a right way to do something, all you have to do is quit whining that it's too hard and do it.

 

no, see its not a job..its just something you do.

when i'm at school, my room is spotless, well, my part of the room is spotless i'm not speaking for my roomate. you wont' find a speck of dust, even on the wool blankets we have to use, no dust in them...i know how to clean...i know how separate the clothes so it wont' turn pink, i know the clothes that need bleach....i know how to iron, i know how to shine shoes so they look like glass...i know how to sweep and mop...i know how to clean and i can do it damn well

but when i come home and do the same things i do at school and my mom and sister start bitching after i do some housework and then proceed to do it all over again because i did it "wrong" then i'm just not going to do anything at all except take out the trash and move some heavy shit

 

yeah yeah. i had a miliatary dad. he was a white-glover, too. he somehow charmed my massively overworked mother into caring for his uniforms so he could go out. he kept changing his mind about how he wanted the shirts starched. my mom kept trying to satisfy him. but eventually mom realized he was just being a dick and the dight before he deployed, she starched everything into oblivion, including his underwear, and packed for him. he didn't bitch about it anymore.

but instead of just calling it "bitching," why don't you just pay attention to what they wanted done in the first place? it's your mom's house. she's the boss. when you get your partner, figure out how you want shit done and stick to it. instead of just saying "oh, it's too hard, this is silly, they're just bitches on a power trip" why don't you consider the fact that there's a reason why they want it done that way? dave changes his mind all the fucking time about where he wants things put. it can be frustrating, but i go with it, because it makes his job easier.

and notice i didn't refer to it as "him on a power trip bitching about something."

 

in this house, there is no reason for the madness.

for example - i wake up to a note asking me to do the dishes the other day...ok fine, i load the dishwasher up, i put dishwasher detergent in, put it on, dishes get clean, mom gets home and i get told i loaded the dishwasher up incorrectly...all the dishes are clean and ready to be put away, but i get a lecture on how i'm supposed to load the dishwasher correctly.

thats bitching and exactly why i dont' want to do anythign around her other than taking the trash out or fix things so nails won't be sticking out or doors can close properly or cleaning the gutters

 

Thats what its like in our house - except mom works and we help in the house!

 

there's a reason you load the dishwasher a certain way, too. quit bitching and pay attention. some things get broken when they're put next to each other. some things accumulate residual soap and calcium deposited. stainless steel and silver utensils placed in the same basket will cause permanent stains. just because nothing was broken that time doesn't mean it won't be broken next time. you learned how to properly care for your uniform and shoes, why's it a big deal to learn how to take care of dishes?

 

When our first son was born, I stayed home with him for the first 10 months. My husband worked 2 jobs, and I took care of all the household responsibilities, as much as I could with adjusting to being a Mommy for the first time. We decided that I would look for a job in my chosen field (library tech) since I have a degree, and the potential to make more money by just working one job. I landed an awesome job with a University here, and we switched places. Luke is now 22 months old, and Ryan has been home with him for the past year. He is also taking classes to work on his degree and works part-time overnight to provide our insurance. He is the best father imaginable; I never worry a single second about our son, and I will not worry about our newest addition when he comes and I have to go back to work. It's definitely a role reversal, and not at all traditional, but it works wonderfully for us. Luke and his Daddy have an unbreakable bond that makes my heart melt on a daily basis. As for the household responsibilities, we share most things 50/50. I don't take the trash out (too pregnant to lift much right now), change the kitty litter or clean the toilet. He doesn't do the laundry...we try to balance everything else out between us.

 

we handwash our silver utensils and more expensive glassware which i did before moving the dishwasher in place to turn it on

and i just didn't throw dishes in the dishwasher. i put the coffee cups on the upper rack, i put the plates in the slots for them, separated the dishwasher safe plastics from glass...nothign was overlapping, nothign was touching

but it wsan't her way, so it was a problem...but they still got clean

 

If this remark was meant towards me, let me say that, there are men who refuse to support a woman that wants to stay home with their children. Whether he's afraid they can't make it financially, or he has other issues. Like my father for example, my mother wanted to stay home full time with me more than anything, he would have nothing to do with it. That's why I say "lets" me stay home.

 

OMG Heather it wasn't meant towards you at all. I think it sounds like you have an awesome marraige and an awesome husband and are the perfect mom.

I wouldn't marry anyone who would even be okay with me working full-time when I have kids.

 

my family always had a specific way of loading the dishwasher so that it would fit more dishes and therefore youd get more done per load *shrugs*

i understand that it can be hard, but theyre youre family and youve lived with them the bulk of your life without picking up on how things are done at all? have you talked to your mother about how getting criticized everytiem you try to help out results in you not helping out at all? that if she just asked if she could show you how to do it next time instead of giving you a speech on everything youve done wrong, youd be willing to help out when you can?

 

I'm sure if you loaded the dishwasher before you got the note your mom would be thanking you instead of telling you that you did it wrong. I am in a similar situation as you right now; waiting for my classes to start and not paying rent and getting A LOT of financial help (which I totally intend on paying back even though I've been told I don't need to) from my mom and grandparents (which of course I never asked for, but they can sense when I am really broke). I always make sure the house is spotless before my mom gets home, the dogs are exercised, all the towels are washed and ask her to make me a list for any big projects she needs done (which she never writes). If my grandparents are out for a long day I go over and make or bring my uncle dinner and make sure he's okay. I never get bitched at for house work and my mom jokes that she hopes I never find a job. I would be devestated if she thought I didn't appreciatte her. And this is after I've paid 500-700 in rent for the past two years while I was working, even if I was in school and I was not asked to do this either.
It's not a right to live at home and have your parents support you. It's a HUGE gift and your mom works hard and raised 2 kids and has a grandkid she helps raise. IMO you should make her life as easy as possible.
I love you to death Chris, but it sounds like your mom is just tired and overworked and needs more help.
PS_there is a right way to load the dishwasher
PSS-I hope this didn't sound harsh. I just come from a single mother and it wasn't acceptable to have to wait until I was asked to do something-even as a kid.

 

That's cool, I wasn't upset at all or anything, I was just trying to explain things in case anything I had said had confused you (like how things are here in my home) or made you reconsider being a stay-at-home mother!

P.S. Hope I didn't come off sounding as though I were upset, after rereading my post, I could see where I might seem that way.

 

But you're not 'helping' her. It's like your responsibility if she's working too so you don't live in a disgusting mess.