Hipforums -Rap Off Contest- who's mo-fxxxing rhymes would win here ?

I know. But I could never hope to match rapping about a soy latte. Besides, I have the imagination of a brick.

 

A little battle rap

I think one day you'll wake up put that gun to your head
cause everyones dying but your the one whos better off dead
and jesus told his disicples that his body was bread
but I ain't no fucking cannibal for whats to be said
How do you call yourself a man when every month you bled
I'll let you shut up or I'll make a tomb your next bed
and with the glory of the Greeks and the Army they led
I'll take a blade and fill the fuckin air with red
Take the world in my teeth and rip it down into shreds
Fuck the government for trying to give me all of their meds
Guns ain't shit, everyday I shower in lead
Hit me

 

Ay yo I feel that, them soy latte's be mad gay
But if you cant bust a free best stay away
Spitting Madonna songs is the maddest of wack
Aint gotta be black just know how to lay on a track
I bless the streets with this poetic urban wisdom
To cats tripping on acid watch the world through prisms
Flowin on some hippy shit is easy as bustin a gun
Just smoke, eat, fuck, sleep, and lay in the Sun
Ya'll aint gots to worry about catching a slug in the dome
Just call for ya chronic on your daddys cell phone
Wear dreadlocks and peirce your face up with chromes
Tattoos of steal your faces and the Dead skeleton bones
Well I got a scoop that will just spilt your wig
That a bunch of lame shit and hippys smell like pigs
So step out the circle and go smoke ya damn twigs
Tell ya dukes to pick ya up and stop fuckin with this nig

 

Ay yo that shit was mad tight but I gotta spit some fire
And step up to ya grill and call yo punk as a liar
You aint got no gat and you just a rhyme's miser
Smokin schwag dime bags and drink cans of Budweiser
But check it, Im gonna take you a little higher
Even more so than your meds crafted from Pfizer
I kill busters for breakfast and chop them up just for kicks
After I broke em down with 5 bills for 6 nicks
I loot, rob and steal because jackin foos has appeal
Like clickin my gat at a beezy dome just to hear em sqeal
For real this battle about smack you like a ton of steel
This facade of your threats trys to scare and conceal
But Im the prophet samurai who like God will reveal
The empty nature of your chemically induced intention to heal
Because I deal the feshest dope the shit is surreal
Have ya floating over the ocean while ya sunburn peels
When I smack you once all your bones congeal
And force you to fall down to praise and kneel
Your elder, whose stance with Jesus is that of the fifth wheel

 

yo check it
I'm up to my elbow's in shit
my baby just kissed me and spit
I used to be kissin' fly ass ho's
now I be microwavin' spaghetti-o's
I be saying I think I can I think I can
From the front seat of my minivan
Check it
Sorry guys
I accesorize these bags under my eyes
I hear crying and I cave
Haven't found the time to shave
Wake up three times a night
gotta find that night light
I be rockin' these mom jeans

 

Ay yo my son is getting close to turning 3
So I bought him a 53' plasma HD TV
Installed that jaun at the foot of his bed
Got him Thomas Tank Engine blankets thats blue and red
He bites people and punches em in the grill
And we drink swill all night and lift off on the crill
You can tell where he heading, top of the hill
Clappin cats for fun and gripping the mill's
Got fat stacks to earn and mad clips to spill.

(My son is not really like that :tongue: He's a good baby)

 

I see you coming at me with your talented rhymes
But I be bringing armageddon at you time after time
I'll break the seventh seal making heaven go silent
I can kill you with words I don't need to be violent
I'm a true vigilante and your the first on my mission
My mumbles make you humble, put you in your position
I don't need a gat cause I fight off my foes like a jackyl
I respect my god, but I'll have sex in a tabernacle
You say you spit fire but my spit is pure acid
Sends you to another world, my shit ain't flaccid
I respect you so I won't take a rifle and aim
Fuck I'll defend you if the police start shooting flame
But I'll warn you, continue and I'll put you to shame
I'd have 4 aces if the world was a card game
I only speak the truth in everything I claim
Like Posideon my words impossible to tame
My beats are magnificent like the blaring sun
Likewise they bring cancer kill you when its done
So don't fuck with me even if you carry a gun
Cause if I cut you up, I'm the only one who'll have fun

 

if you grew up with white boys
who only look at black and puerto rican porno
cause they want something that their dad don't got
then you know where you're at

mortaring your earholes shut in a rush with wet coke
in a starbucks bathroom with the door closed
on booze, i'm left in residue and confused
like the first time you used soft water
down on my luck, caught unaware
like houdini when the last fist struck

if i'm sinking in laughing at something sunken in, i am

sucking dick for drink tickets
at the free bar at my cousin's bat mitzvah
cutting the punch line and it ain't no joke
devoid of all hope circus mirrors and pot smoke
picking fights on dyke night
with shirlies and lokes and snatching purses

doing out on karaoke and forgetting all the verses
blowing kisses to disinterested bitches
playing lead lay in a bad way on broadway
sending sexy smses to my exes new man cause i can
on the road trying to break an old van
eating pussy for new fangs, i am what the hell
using purell till my hands bleed and swell
missing mail at a motel 6, i'm unwell

if i'm sinking in laughing at something sunken in, i am

it feels exciting touching your handwriting
getting horny by reading it and repeating poor me
intently staring at the picture of your feet on the sticker
at the r. crumb exhibit, i wonder who's sicker

jerking off in an art museum john till my dick hurts
the kind of shit i won't admit to my head shrinker
not even in a whisper to my own little sister
i just act like a dick and talk shit when i'm with her

aught six i'll say the friday before easter
was not what i cried to myself in the pisser
and with you in the front row at the silver jews show
and you act like you didn't notice, my fear of the bear
at showbiz pizza when i saw six was overwhelming and not dissimilar to this

if i'm sinking in laughting at something sunken in, i am

at jacob han's on tour i wake up
hung over on a hardwood floor
from a dream about how your dress
hangs off of your little breasts
i'd rather be dead than call this song
how i lost your respect but god bless or get neglected
and i'll see you when the sun sets east, don't forget me






oh wait, i didn't write that. but if i did, i'd win, right?

 

Just wrote this now. It was fun.

HATE.
I hate gettin' up on Sunday, thinkin it's a Monday
cos I can't get back to sleep.
I hate every fucking single Radiohead song, 'cept that one,
what's it called? Creep!
I hate people who can only speak one language,
even if it is my one.
I hate drunk people when I'm sober
and sober people when I'm drunk
And I fuckin hate alcopops.

I hate Walmart, K-mart, Quikimart and
Any fuckin shop that rhymes with fart.
I hate border guards, security guards,
Brown inflated lifeguards
With big buff arms, Big fat pecs,
And fuckin tiny speedos.
What the fuck?

I hate when it's too hot AND when it's too cold
I hate when a bitch is too young or too old.

I hate goin out to buy rubbers
I hate pill-poppin clubbers
Who block up the till with their chewin and starin.
I mean, WHAT ARE THEY LOOKIN AT?

I hate people who say it's the last beer when I know it ain't
I hate havin only one beer, tryin to be a saint
I hate people who say Bottoms Up or Cheers or clink their poxy glasses.
Just fucking drink it!

There's one more thing
I really can't stand
It gets me wound up
I be gettin outta hand

I fuckin HATE people who hate everything.

 

Man fuck having fun, let me tell ya how it's done
You remember a little song that my clan done sung?
Something in the slum went rumpupumpum
Next thing niggas knew they confronting a Shogun
In one hand a katana the other a steel glove
I box cats in succession with just opposable thumbs
More speed and finess than smoking Joe Frasier
Im like invisibility codes on the first Castlevania
Trippin in my beats lab on 10 Hoffman tabs
I create more energy than Jesus or his Dad
And I aint shook at your cancer cuz I was born
On June 24th during a thunder storm
That ripped up continents and caused the land to shift
But yall forgot about that because it happened mad swift
Just like my rhyme delivery it's an art not a gift
It's breathing and speaking magic bout how Ima clap
All yall and yall crew like I was taking a nap
With thought alone I kill with hands tied behind my back
So puff some green, show some 'spect and relax what

 

yo yo relayer, see where i be cumin from..

yo, yo, here it goes....
you hip forums boys think think you hawt shit
but you be spittin like muh dick on yo mamas lips
up here like you kidz r from da streets
but really you in front the computer just beatin yo' meat
whats that deanmono?, you be callin ME out?
it aint like that my brother, im just sayin 'get out da house'
hit up the club, meet a fine lady
get her in bed, and spread yo gravvy.
yeah yeah hit up the club, meet a fine lady
but wit yo luck, she'l probably be a dude named Sadie
now i know what yo thinkin, "id still hit dat shit"
im sure youd rip it in half wit that 2 inch dick
"ok dean mono dont be talkin bout Mr. Bojangles"
i aint saying shit, everything is 'bangles
i gotta peace out, but before I go
all you nigga azz gangstas gotta continue the flo'
yee yee.... yeaa yeea

 

Thats more like it.Now I can wake up happy , kill a pig and rob an off-license ( or liquor store to some of you).
Anyways , this rapper ( ahem) , who told Jamaican rapper Shabba Ranks ( of "Mr Loverman" fame )everything he knows ( about table tennis) would like to declare this Rap Off OPEN : -

Now lissen to me careful if you'ze lustin at me crown.
Be a punk mother and I put u in de ground.
Cos I'za rhymin lover mother fucker .Rhymin mother fucker.
Love ta fuck ya mother or be bitch fuckin ya brother.

Relayer aint no playa , he gets his bling from a cracker.
And if he lived in England , you'd say he 's only got one knacker.

CSP is in da la-va- tory.
Him wid George Michael for all to see.
Hyphy can't sarge or pickup we see he's cheezy
When I'ze get wid da bitches , I get their pants off.Easy.

Secret Agent Am anda.Is you FBI?
Gimme dem handcuffs cos I'za mother who's fly.

Cos I'za rhymin humpin sausage thumpin pimpin mother fucker.
Rappin blingin opera singin thing who dresses up in rubber.

So listen up once.So listen up ag-en.
These rhymes they been a separate tha bitches from the men.
Remember Hip honkies , da hoes and da playas.
Dis this mo-focker and you'll see me fucking slay ya.
Iza lover hot and steami , I'za bad ass nigga
And they'd call me Tripod Man , if mi dick was any bigger.

To tha bitches mi sweet lovin's gonna thrill u real good
But yo lame rhyme punks , you'll be lyin in da Hood.

Maximum respect to all my main mofuckers , pimps , gangstas , and mi Hipforum hoes.

 

This is for you Resso my man!

He’s a man that has to be respected
Cool calm and collective
He gives the directives
In a social interaction goin’ over a checklist
Of things to do to leave the beezies breathless
If protected
He plows the shit test
Disarm the obstacle, yes he does this shit best
If he goes for the pull
Guaranteed
It will impress the people
That witness the deed
A social lead indeed
Yameen
Social intellect genius, his attributes alpha
And emotion is the reason, he goes for what he’s after
Yes he run his routines, until the woman is captured
A veteran he’s seasoned, a pick up arts master

He’s a man that has to be admired
When he works the entire
Room for the girl desired
Like a clairvoyant he knows everything that will transpire
Within the encounter cause he controls the encounter
From the inside out, he read the girl like a book
When this man’s out, the people cannot help but look
So look
He is observed
And other people confer
Him with IOI’s deserved
Because his game is superb
Word
He’s the center of attention, women can’t help but stare
And he states his intention, she’s not even aware
Where they are headin’ which direction, she wont know til she’s there
And now that there’s a connection, they are a perfect pair yeah

 

:smilielol5:
Haha, you should drop an album....

 

Mi wanto be rapper outsida mi whitey ghetto.
Wit mi ice cream face , record man says "netto".
So mi boot polish me face like me polish black boots.
When it melts and runs it gives laughs and hoots
Racist mo-fo's need ta cut mi loose.

They say whiteys cant rap 'less its Eminem's cut
Tha batty bleach dwarf who's mother straponed his butt
( ooh thats bad...)

Hyphy is tha playa who can rhyme and dance.
He could unlock the keys to a lesbian's pants.
Mystic is da hoe who's tha queen of the bitches.
If you jiggied wit me , you'd bling King Pimp riches.
Before mi give u lovin , gonna make u beg
Cos mi'd gonna get u wet til its drippin down yo leg.

Give it up y'all

 

Rebel & and devil a savage from the bay
Everybody not keepin' up with me please get out the way
Slay
Sucka MCs on the mic everyday
Obssesed with being the best the Biznis'll control the metaframe
Touche
Always rip the mic I know it's unfair
So there
Puttin' suckin' MCs into my crosshairs
Ignite flairs
Killer on the mic ya better signal for help
Scream? Your too afraid ya gonna let out a yelp
Murder by numbers another notch on my belt
Always hot on the mic I make it melt
Nigga
Verstile with style
So bow down
How now
You gonna keep up just dissapear in the crowd
Paystyle never freestyle
Hell raiser with my mouth
Yadadamean yadadamsayin and yadadamtalkinbout?