High sex drive

Hi im new here and need some help/advice. I am feeling so crap because I have a ridiculous high sex drive and my husband doesn't! He's never interested and it's driving me crazy! I could have sex evey day and would if I could but hes just not interested! ! He moans that hes exhausted from work and says that when I go back to work (stay at home mum now) I wont want sex either because I will be too tired etc but I have always had a very high sex drive and no that I will. I just get so upset because on tv and in movies its always the guys who chase women and I feel like I want to be chased and I just want to feel wanted!! I spent the best part of an hour stoking his balls and he said he was too tired and not in the mood!!! Advice please xxx

 

Im always telling him how much I fancy him and I do its like I get that feeling about him that you get when you first date someone. Is he playing games with me? Treat em mean keep em keen?

 

get him to exercise and eat healthy and figure out if anything specific turns him on!

 

Maybe you chaffed his balls from stroking them for an entire hour.

Make him want you. Wear sexy lingerie to bed. Walk around the house wearing nothing but panties and one of his shirts. Ask him to give you a massage, and get completely naked for it. Some married men get tired of always having it available. They need the thrill if the chase. So, make him chase you a little.

 

Feel so sorry for you OP, sad as it seems like it's always one way or the other. With my wife I'm usually the one doing the chasing and she's the one saying she's too tired and she's the stay home mom. Granted she works her ass off all day and doesn't just sit around but in the end I know it all boils down to sex drive. I have much more than she does. And in your case you have much more than he does.

I don't know that there's any good solution for you honestly. If you can't turn him on or get his motor running there's really not a lot you can do other than please yourself or cheat on him (hence no good solutions). That said I have tried to as tactfully as possible express this to my wife and in heated situations she'll lash back and tell me to go find some other woman or divorce her. Obviously that's not what I want to do but it is sad in that I would please her every which way I could night after night but in the end she'd rather just go to sleep. I don't know about the rest of the world but I'd take sex any day over sleep no questions asked...

Strange world I guess

 

Stop wasting your time...stroking his balls ._. for an hour...if you know ...wait, how the hell is that supposed to turn him on?
But...what I was saying is, if you know he's not going to give you any, why are you wasting your time for an hour.
I think you have to go back to when the two of you had passion and heat in your sex lives...try to remember what it took and stir things up.

I have some other thoughts on this too. How do you know he's not tired from having an affair and cheating on you?

Also, are you taking care of yourself? Are you putting forth sex appeal? Or do you look like a stay at home mom?
Look sexy, be clean and fresh and smell good. Take care of yourself if you want him to want you.

 

That's sad, one with a high sex drive and one not.
Dunno what to tell you. If he is all that done I would be on my way or booting him out.
Time for counseling? Is he cheating? Is his work physically challenging? Long days?
Ask about an open marriage, (even tho I don't believe in them) that might show him you need something and smarten him up. I don't think I could cope with this situation. I feel for ya.

 

Sometimes people do just get too worn out from work.
Last year I did carpentry and framed houses, I was so sore and tired after work all I wanted to do was sleep. My ex would get so pissy at me all time time and not understand. Maybe put yourself in his shoes, do something nice and he'll see that you care and understand and appreciate it

 

If you did actually have a ridiculously high sex drive, you wouldnt be able to stick to one, and you wouldnt be able to sit and wait for them to chase.

And if all of a sudden he started giving it to you everyday, how long before you'd be all like, ehh, is that all you ever think of.....a month, a week?

 

If the person is very tired physically from strenuous exercise or job, or is very sick and has fever then is very likely that he/she is not willing to have sex and is very acceptable in my opinion. So, with that aside, unless the person doesn't feel satisfied with his or her sex life, there's no reason why she/he wouldn't have sex with his/her partner regularly.

Now, the reasons of the person not wanting to have sex might vary a lot from relationship to relationship. Personally, I wouldn't have it everyday, I exercise regularly, so doing it everyday will probably kill me (since is so intense in my case), so may be every other day with some quickies or just oral in between.

As Quiet Strom suggested, it may be you not being physically attractive to him anymore. So you might want to work in that as she suggested.

And there's the possibility that he might be cheating on you.

This ^

Also, ask him to fuck you while you do this.

Quite honestly, if he still doesn't want to fuck you then this guy is definitively cheating on you or he's just plain gay, not man enough to please his woman, or maybe something happened to his cock that he's very embarrased about and he doesn't want to tell you.

 

Op didn't say whether his disinterest is something new or has always been that way. If he has always lacked interest, then maybe that's the way he is. Maybe he has a low hormone level that can be supplemented. If not, then Op will have to decide if she's willing to accept it for the rest of her life or move on due to sexual incompatibility.

If his lack of interest is something new, then it could be due to job/stress or a mistress. Op will have to think back when the problem seems to have started to figure out.

 

If my husband said he was thinking of cheating, I'd divorce him. That wouldn't make me want to have sex with him. WTF is wrong with you? I understand your frustration, but saying, "I'm going to cheat" isn't going to make her want you, it will kill her desire to have sex with you.

What's wrong with masturbation? If one person has a higher sex drive than the other, then masturbate. Not a big deal. HOWEVER, the other spouse shouldn't be masturbating all the time either. Sex is important to a relationship. How often depends on the sex drives of both partners. You need to compromise so that you are both happy, not one giving in to the other as that builds resentment.

My husband has a high sex drive and he's turned me down a couple of times due to being tired (in 10 years). If he was turning me down several times a week, I'd ask if he was having an affair and he knows if he was, I'd divorce him in a heartbeat.

IF he doesn't want sex, it could be a medical issue or he's cheating.

 

Masturbation wouldn't work for me. If he was refusing me a time or two because he was tired I would be ok with that. If he fell asleep a time or two during I would be ok with that because he works hard physically. If he was definitely a lower sex drive then me I wouldn't have been with him, now say it changes later from what it is now.
He has lost attraction to me.
He is messing around.
He is I'll and won't say.
His work is killing him, he has to fix that because that's a bad sign of health failing due to the job.
We are kinda done then so we would have to figure out what's wrong and fix it or move on if mine was still high and his wasn't for no known reason or loss of attraction. I won't masturbate to fix it, there is no love connection in masturbating and that's what I crave most about sex, with no man to love in my life I could definitely do without sex itself and have between relationships. Now if he got sick and couldn't I get it and at that point my concern is him, not my vag, when my hubby got sick I never once thought about sex, I dealt with him.

 

I agree that masturbation shouldn't replace sex between partners. I was responding to a previous poster that seemed to indicate that if his wife wouldn't have sex with him, his only options were to cheat or masturbate and neither were good options. I agree that cheating is the worse choice, but there is nothing wrong with masturbation to help balance out his sex drive to match hers.

In my relationship, I used to be good every other day (mostly because of being sore). Then I hit my thirties and my sex drive has increased and I can do it every day, but our kids get in the way. My husband would love it 3x daily, but that's too much for me. He actually doesn't do it 3x daily. He either masturbates or we have sex. Occasionally he does masturbate after we have sex (hours later) because he has a high sex drive. We figured out what works for us based on our sex drives. I think it might be rare for people to have the exact same sex drives. People need to do what they can to compromise, barring any sickness etc. that would interfere with their relationship.

I just think it's odd that some lovers can't discuss their sex (needs/wants) with each other.

 

Sounds like my scenario. I have a high sex drive and my wife does not. Sometimes I masterbate 3 times a day. Even after we have sex. I feel like I'm crazy but lately we've talked about our fantasies to make it more exciting. I use to come home tired as well and she would be horney or I would be home alone and horney. Then sometimes I just don't want sex at all. Weird right? Talk to him see what his fantasies are. Road head, In the shower etc..

 

You shouldn't compare fiction with real life. On fiction, men are always chasing and always hot. It isn't real life. Comparing life with fiction will always make you feel unhappy.

He has a low libido and that's that. It could be he's low in testosterone, it could be it's really stress, being tired... it could be sex with you is complicated and he prefers masturbation as a quick, easy release... so many things.

Talk openly with him to know what is the problem, what are his feelings about it. Be tactful, because if you hurt his self esteem, he may develop some kind of performance issue with you.

Sometimes it's just boredom. If sex is always the same, some people feel less like going through the moves. And how not to be repetitive after some time together?

I think trying sex when he's clearly not in the mood is a mistake. It could be better to just let him be and do it at another time.

It's the same for men who have women who're falling out of sex.

Nothing you can do, or say, will give a sex drive to a person who's running out of it. You have to find ways to make the best of what you two can have.

 

Sounds a patronising thing to say but find out, really find out what turns him on. Does he like something that he's afraid to admit too? Find that out and you may find a solution.

 

Honestly this thread is a huge reason why I think it's very healthy for couples to be sexually active before marriage. Now obviously people change over time, sex drives go up and down and that's something you can't obviously prepare for. And sex drive is typically always higher in the beginning of a relationship.

As I mentioned before the sex drive is typically always greater in one person than another, but as the OP points out it’s typically the guy with the higher sex drive. For me I don’t know if there’s such a thing as too much sex, or if there is I don’t know that I’ve experienced it. I remember a gf I had when I was young who we did it 3-4 times a day for multiple days on end. I don’t know that I could keep up with that anymore and yes it is sad when it’s very lopsided. And it can be frustrating on both sides of things. As a horny and loyal wife he is your only outlet unless you cheat on him and you probably think to yourself “Hey idiot! I’m right here waiting and willing” and it can be frustrating on him as well if he has no sex drive as now he may feel pressured or just simply has no sex drive and may not care.

I always think this topic is sad because sex is one of the best things in the world (I think) and for a person to be limited because of their partners inability to fulfill is very unfortunate.

 

This is a bad situation.... I truly believe people need to be sexually compatible for a happy relationship. Maybe instead of asking for it you could just go down on him???? Also if he has worked all day, maybe after you go down on him you could jump on top to get him going. Some people need a little more work to get their motor going. Asking is not the way, just take over and see what happens........ and keep it to less than 15 min on work nights

 

Don't ask, try going down on him, then get on top. Keep it to 15 min on a work night