High Sex Drive Not Reciprocated

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Boots23, Sep 9, 2016.

  1. Boots23

    Boots23 Members

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    Hey guys, I'm a female in my late 20's and my boyfriend of about 5 months is 21. My concern is that he seems to be no longer interested in sex. I feel like my sex drive is pretty normal. He turns me on a lot when we are kissing and I would like to go further. We had sex pretty frequently when we first started dating but now he just doesn't want to do anything anymore. I just moved into a new apartment about a month and a half ago, and we have only had sex a couple times since then. I thought maybe it was the new place that made him uncomfortable, but I don't know. He brought it up in conversation and apologized saying that he goes through periods where he just isn't sexually at all. It's really hard to deal with because I can't help but get really turned on when we are cuddling and kissing. I don't want to be pushy or anything, I just don't know how to deal with this situation. I like him a lot.
     
  2. newbie-one

    newbie-one one with the newbiverse

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    Reassure him that you like him a lot and sex is not the be-all and end-all of your relationship

    See if he likes licking pussy

    See if he's ok with you masturbating while you kiss and cuddle with him
     
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  3. soulcompromise

    soulcompromise Member

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    Even though you like him so much, it sounds like he's sending you a message that he's ready to move on. You're young. There are many fish in the sea. Don't feel bad if you have to let him go.
     
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  4. morrow

    morrow Visitor

    He might've even found another..move on
     
  5. Vanilla Gorilla

    Vanilla Gorilla Go Ape

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    That would explain it.


    Sorry, couldn't resist selectively quoting there
     
  6. newbie-one

    newbie-one one with the newbiverse

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    I have to disagree with posts 3 and 4. While sometimes less interest is a result of conflicts or disinterest in the relationship, it can also be independent of that. The fact that he has indicated that he goes through periods of less interest is a sign that it's the latter case.
     
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  7. secret_thinker

    secret_thinker Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    They have been together 5 months, not 5 years decades!
     
  8. beverly

    beverly Members

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    Maybe he is preoccupied with some other things. Do some ordinary tricks or scenario during your love making
     
  9. newbie-one

    newbie-one one with the newbiverse

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    Yes, but there seem to be quite a few young men experiencing low sex drives these days, if the posts here are any indication.
     
  10. secret_thinker

    secret_thinker Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    Then maybe they aren't compatible and she should move on as suggested in previous posts.
     
  11. newbie-one

    newbie-one one with the newbiverse

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    It depends on how important sex is in the relationship, and how much effort they are willing to put in to make the relationship work.

    For some people, sex is the icing on the cake. For others, it's the cake.

    It's possible to love someone so much that you'd still want to be with them even if there was no sex in the relationship.

    The OP may be able work things out with her bf.

    If the only thing she cares about is getting dick right now, then I would agree, she should move on.
     
  12. StellarCoon

    StellarCoon Dr. Professor

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    Has he purchased science books lately?

    [​IMG]
     
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  13. StellarCoon

    StellarCoon Dr. Professor

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    It's also quite possible, in this day and age, that he's getting love advice from online articles authored by single feminist lesbians, written for heterosexual couples.
     
  14. secret_thinker

    secret_thinker Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    Sounds like the relationship I have with my cat.

    Sex is definitely not the be all and end all in a loving relationship but I don't see anywhere the OP mentions other qualities of the relationship. If sex drives don't match up, everything else should because that's a tough one to overcome and both parties will already feel hurt in different kinds of ways.
     
  15. newbie-one

    newbie-one one with the newbiverse

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    Well, she says this

    I don't know if that's enough of a reason for her to stay with him.

    I think it depends. All other things being equal, matching sex drives tend to make things work out better.

    All relationships encounter trouble. If you value a relationship enough, it's sometimes worthwhile to put in the effort to try to find a solution, or to accept some sacrifices.

    You know what you want in a relationship, and that's a good thing. How much of a problem it is, and the best decision to make is highly individual though. The OP can decide for herself.
     
  16. Arlene Foxy

    Arlene Foxy Members

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    I think you need to leave. If a man can be a woman daily and not to have sex without a proper medical condition then he is obviously there for something else. You're In your late 20s and possibly had a few guys in you get a move on sweetheart. There's better guys waiting to sweep you of your feet and give orgasms.
     
  17. magickman

    magickman Supporters HipForums Supporter

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    Still, at only five months he should wanting to "knock boots" regularly.
    God I wish I was that age again, knowing what I know now. I could make someone a damn happy woman and have a full life left ahead of us to live it. LOL
     
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  18. Calibabe39

    Calibabe39 Members

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    If he doesn’t want sex at that age it is only going to get worse. Offer him a bj sometime and if he turns you down more than once he is gay or not for you.
     
  19. Oddduck

    Oddduck Members

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    It’s a fallacy that guys are into sex all the time. There are two types of people when it comes to stress and sex, one likes to blow off steam with sex when stressed and the other loses all arousal when stressed.
    Have a chat to your bf about him still pleasuring you even if his not aroused at a frequency that seems fair to both of you. Negotiations usually start around once a week, a mismatched sex drive really sucks in a relationship and good on your bf for noticing and bringing it up it shows a maturity that bodes well for negotiating a solution:)
     
  20. Jesse49

    Jesse49 Members

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    I just read a thread on here yesterday about an older couple where his sex drive dropped of to where they rarely had sex. After talking about it she got the ok from him to have a friend with benefits. The FWB is also married and his wife doesn’t much like sex so it was a win win situation. All 4 involve know about and have met each other and are totally OK with the arrangement. It’s been going on for over 20 years.
     

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