hey what's going on?

but yeah totally love how brian likely acted like i didnt TELL him why i was ignoring him beause I wanted to think .... so yeah brian, call me and talk to me instead of whining in threads like I didnt tell you that.... I needed time to think about EVERYTHING. i ignored a lot of people.... i told you why. jesus christ.

and no, im not doing drugs/drinking anymore and i dont care what people on here say.




(but seriously it was fucked up of you to make that thread instead of calling me then pming me telling me not to read it. im sorry if i hurt you but it's not like i didnt tell you why)

 

Perhaps if you showed us a shred of anything but total selfishness we might be more helpful. Some people are beyond the help of others particularly when they ask for advice and then totally ignore it.

As for being nice, what are you going to do, tell Devendra Banhart that people were mean to you?

Scary.

 

okay im not into the aa/na bullshit that gets breathed down your throats there...and um your one ten min phone call a day that people fight over and annoy the annoying war stories and no books allowed... it's BORING. i still might go but right now its actually up to dan since he did some fucked up shit with money and has a chance to change it and make up my mind for me.

 

i make TONS of other threads. TONS.

 

You do not have the ability to stick to that right now, you just dont. I know deep down you may want to, feel you can but I assure you that you cant right now. Get the help that is there, ready willing and able just for you!

 

No you need a check yourself into type place.

 

None of any note and not lately. You just make tons of whiny threads that your life is topsy turvy and ask for advice and when people give it you say "Nah, that ain't for me".

Like you just did to Yank.

Don't play me, you're not even the 1000th junkie on the fringes of my life.

 

i told yank i argreed with him and went to detox... now im detoxing at home and will prolly stick that and go to rehab but if its true and i dont agree with what they teach in rehab, how is it gonna help me? wouldnt meditating and being in nature help me better?

 

oh also.... this thread was supposed to be just a side note of me being SICK... when i wrote "what is going on?" i meant with the state of the world. a lot of people are waking up fast and if you read the stuff ive been writing latey at that other place, i spent DAYS just talking about revolations and how the revolution is beginning NOW and i think i even posted some of that here so if that's all about me... okay, whatever. sure.

 

Hon this is South Baltimore talking to you. You know you're not stronger than the shit. Meditating in nature isn't going to do it.

 

Having worked with addicts before , all i can tell you is , you have to take yerself out of the enviroment you used in to get clean. Thats why it usually takes in patient treatment for most people.
Then you have to go to classes to stay clean once you get out , it takes changing most everything in your life , all the people you got high with..all the places you got high at...they all need to not be a part of your life or you will use again.
I know it sounds harsh because they are your friends , but , Im telling you that is what it takes.
The only reason people are landing on you so hard right now is because they care..if they didnt care , they wouldnt even notice whats happening to you.

 

Holly shit! I take back everything I ever thought about you and might even apologize for the thoughts too!

 

Erzebet hit it exactly on the head. Thank you erzebet.

You need to completely detox. like a 90 day residential program. You need a blocking prescription like buprenorphine. And you need a serious, long-term behavioral modification program. And you need to do it far away from the place you are now.

And stay away from Methadone. It's opiate based and government funded. It's not what you want, it's what THEY want.

 

^Yeah I understand all that (to erze).... I'm debating if I wanna do inpatient or outpatient (which i know is like eight or ten hours a day... you pretty much just sleep at home)--- my problem (another one) w/ rehab is I HATE not knowing what is going on with even the people that AREN'T drinking or using drugs with me... it drives me crazy to be so sheltered from the world and makes me cry a lot.

and im not so upset about people saying stuff about drugs/drinking but so much how tns writes me a pm saying "dont read the threads til you talk to me" yet if he had something important to say...why say it in a thread if he wanted to talk to me about it? and then people act like i didnt tell him i needed space to think.

 

it doesnt get you HIGH though. i like meth cause i hate being dope sick. even though dan used to do h for like two years and went off it without ANYTHING and he thinks meth is total bullshit too. hell, one of my friends is addicted to that for months now...

 

You've seen almost blind love from the posters here. People giving you advice and wishing the best for you.

Because you have a community of people going through the same thing.

Going to rehab and meditating will probably be especially effective. But you need rehab. Go for yourself.

You might be better for a while till you slip into your old patterns again. You have a pattern of self destructive behavior, because your not happy with yourself.

Knock it off and take responsibility for yourself. Stop trying to feel like a victim around here. So many people have offered you support it's inspiring.

 

i told you im upset that i told brian i needed time to think about a lot of stuff and i was confused and that i would talk to him then... then he pm's me saying "dont read that thread til we talk" well if he had something to say WHY MAKE IT IN A THREAD instead of talking to me and then people act like i didnt tell him what was going on and that i needed space and time to think.

and im sorry i dont have to argree with everything everyone says. it's truly up to dan and it's a money issue that he refuses to budge on.

sure i want to continue getting clean and staying clean but i feel like everyone is trying to push me into rehab when i know cause i was there before, i laid around and cried cause i missed talking to people that i actually like.

 

No dear, you like methadone because you are an opiate addict. And the government wants to keep you an opiate addict to justify their budget.

Pick a better path.

 

so yeah i still havent read the thread but i think it's fucked up and i guess ill talk to him tonight and then read it since that's what he asks and if dan starts the direct deposit again i told him id go to rehab cause im not going there without enuf money to spend on cigs., stamps, other stuff from the store... been there before and it's not worth it unless i have money to spend there.

 

you haven't been doing heroin very long, you shouldn't need methadone