Hey There

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself!' started by Ashtchubak, Nov 2, 2016.

  1. Ashtchubak

    Ashtchubak Guest

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    Hey there, how are you doing? My name is Pedro (don't ask about the username) and I'm from Brazil, so sorry if there are any spelling errors. I've created this account more than a year ago if I recal correctly, but at the time my life was too conturbated to actually be active here, so I just sort of looked around and completly forgot about it. From then 'till now I've graduated from High School, moved out from my parents house (well, sort of) and now I'm studying really hard to get into college.

    Let me explain myself better, from farther back in time.

    High School. Anytime between the first two years - feels like a blur when I try to remember, so I can't distinguish the past time anyways. I was down, really down. As far as I can remember, I've always had difficulties fitting in and being someone considerable if not for my intelectual achievements - wich really weren't that much. And then (in high school), it wasn't different. I've had friends, of course, but I always felt like I was someone else when around them, like there was a depth of being lacking in them - and in the rest of everyone - that didn't let mine come to expression in any way that wasn't in written words in the middle of the night. I felt like an alien, a humiliated alien, I was that one kid in the group everyone made fun of. But still, I figured it was better to have this so called friends rather than being alone, 'cause then things would only get worse in every possible way. Yeah, high school has this kind of stuff.

    And that not to say anything of my love life, which I feel that if I comment about, I will sound like one of those generic problematic teens that calls for atention, and maybe I really am already sounding like that, but I never was anything like it. First of all, I always hated the kind of atention they give you when you're problematic, so I strived not to appear hurt or down in any way. In that I did a good job, only a few times my parents and people around me realised there was something going on with me, but I supressed, and to this day my parents don't know that I went through deep problems that didn't let me sleep at night, and always blamed the videogames and my bad habits for sleeping late.

    I don't know if I could actually picture my situation, but if I didn't, you could simply say life was hard. And it really was. I woke up wanting to die - I've never really talked about it to anyone, but I only stopped having suicidal thoughts about a few months ago -, lunching early and catching the bus at 12:00 to another city where I attended to computing technical school (for two years). Coming back around 18 :00, eating something and going to school at night. Getting home and staying up for the best hours of my day, the hours that made my life livable, until around 3:00, and not being able to sleep for some time until falling asleep for pure exhaustion. That routine kept on for a long period of time that I don't even like to remember - maybe that's why it's a blur.

    In my graduating year, things got a little lighter, but not much. At least I had the end of the year to look forward to. When it finally came, there was the college entrance exams to keep me tense. I didn't pass, of course, but I accepted it fairly well (it's really hard to pass anyways). I decided to rest for a couple months, cool my head and then study hard to try the entrance exam again, which brings us to today. I've moved to some old friends of my parents house for a time in another city to get prepared for the exams. I study in the morning, afternoon and attend to preparatory classes at night. It's very exhausting, but I can handle this way better than the chronic sadness, anger and lack of will to live I had for the past few years. I actually have to wake up early tomorrow, but I'm here at 1 a.m. writing this. Sometimes I have lapses, crisis, that drag me back to that state of mind I had before, but I can usually control it. When not, I call in sick and get some sleep, like I did today.

    I don't really know why I came back to this forum, and I don't know why I just said all that, I feel like most of it was just babbling - if so, sorry. But even if no one replies or even reads this I feel like releasing a weight from my heart by writing all of this. And I only scratched the surface of the story, there were a lot of things I didn't said because it would make the text too long. But there you go. That's my recent story. Those are my recent problems. That's me. Nice to meet you.
     
  2. Irminsul

    Irminsul Valkyrie

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    It was babbling. :D

    But welcome aboard this fine lass of a vessel we call HF. :)
     
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  3. WOLF ANGEL

    WOLF ANGEL Senior Member - A Fool on the Hill Lifetime Supporter

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    Hail and Welcome Pedro - Education is always (mutually) enlightening - In the words of Led Zeppelin = "Ramble on"
     
    1 person likes this.
  4. Ashtchubak

    Ashtchubak Guest

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    Sorry :/ and thanks! I like this place :)

    Thank you! I agree with you, "Ramble On" (what a great song, by the way)
     

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