He's not cumming...but he says it isn't me? :(

So my husband and I have been having sex issues for about a year or two now and it's really hurting our relationship.

Basically our sex routine goes like this.
- I cum in 5 min or less with help of my vibe. I don't like him going down on me. I'm pretty much have a sub persona.
- He takes like 45 min to cum or he doesn't cum at all because he gets tired
- Because we haven't done it in 3-4 weeks I become very sore

and then the vicious cycle continues!

My hope was that we could have sex on a more regular basis like everyday or every other day, but he just takes SO long that I get to the point that I'm in pain and I don't want to do it so soon...So it ends up taking weeks again until we're like "Yeah, it's been a while, guess we should do it". And WE HATE IT! It's such a pathetic love life we're both very concerned about it.

It got worse back in August when I started noticing that he wasn't coming with me at all. On our anniversary in August I bought a nice new sexy lingerie and gave him the longest f'n blowjob of life. I swear I went down on him for a solid 20 min before we took a break and had sex then went back to BJ. He didn't come that night. I spent our anniversary crying, because as much as he says he's so attracted to me I feel inadequate.

I have on my end had some issues due to my pill. I've asked my Gyno to switch my pill because I've been having issues with dryness. I mean, we've been using lube this whole time, but I didn't want it to be an issue. I just got some higher quality silicone lube, so maybe that will make the experience a little better. Some times I push back on him because I feel he's going in too deep and he finally mentioned to me that it distracts him during sex, especially when he wants to go in deep. I don't know if that's from the lack of sex or dryness that my vagina isn't adjusting to him. I mean, my husband is by no means small, but I wouldn't consider him have an XL dick. I think it's a pretty average size penis.

So I don't know if eliminating the pushback will help him cum again, but if you guys have any other suggestions please let me know As there is no pushback when I blow him...so I don't think that's the only reason he's not cuming. Will hopefully be trying the new lube very soon.

 

Has he seen a Dr? He has to cum at some point. Is he cumming on his own? Maybe he has a medical condition or his hormones are out of whack or something.

 

I have no idea what this means.

 

26 and already a problem for 2 years?

no eating pussy at all?

cut the poor fucker loose...its over.....

 

@RubySoho6
No, he's fine. He can do it if he's alone and can concentrate. I guess either his mind is wandering, or maybe the dryness/pushback is distracting him?

@Gongshaman
I'm a very submissive person so I don't like him to go down on me. He can touch me, he can finger me, he can do whatever he wants, I just feel going down on someone is a very demeaning thing to do, so I don't find it sexually gratifying. It's fine though, he has a very dominant sexual personality, so it's never been an issue really. He likes when I bring in toys anyway, and it's less work for him, so win-win :3

@ROLLINGALONG
We have a VERY strong relationship as a couple, and although I we have issues with sex, it's far from over. I don't have a wandering man, we are each other's best friend. We always make time to hang with each other everyday, we smoke all the time, play games, kiss, we're very affectionate and very sexual with each other. I draw porn for a living for god's sake! It's just when we finally get to it, things get frustrating at times.

And yes it's been going on for 2 years, but it hasn't been bad...not like now. It's been going down hill since August, so I'm hoping you can help me out with some advice instead of negativity. He literally cried to me after another failed sex attempt on Tuesday and told me that he didn't want to lose me and he doesn't know what's wrong with him. I'm not blaming it on him at all btw. Just pointing out that he's not ready to call it quits.

 

" our sex ROUTINE." (See last word)



Furthermore, why don't you let HIM decide if it's demeaning concerning
"going down on you?".

 

that feeling of wanting to still do other activities is going to go away soon enough


think what you want....he knows exactly what the problem is.....i'd put money on it....he just isn't being honest with you and likely with himself

those of us that love our wives and would move mountains for them have no problem going to a doctor to get fixed


you are dreaming if you think he's ok with not eating you out


lastly....do you know what win/win means?

your dude aint winning....neither are you

 

Sounds like you need to work on chemistry, like he goes to deep so you push him back... well that doesn't work for either of you cause you are in pain and hes losing focus... he needs to not go as deep, then you wont push him back.. You say you are submissive but then wont let him eat you out? If it's not demeaning to him, and you are submissive then let him have his way.

And yes, if you are dry, find a way to get wet

 

@scratcho

I don't mean that it's routine. We don't have it enough to be routine XD It's not like it's planned. I was just trying to get across that he takes a long time to cum and then I'm sore for a while. We try and mix it up, whether that be music, or sexy outfits, roleplay. Probably the only thing we don't do is leave the house. My big bugaboo is public sex D:

Well he hasn't really tried to. I mean if you knew your partner wasn't into something and you didn't care too much to do it, then why would you? :/
I mean, there is definitely a way I can enjoy it if the scenario was different, maybe if I was restrained. He knows that though. He doesn't seem to really care. I think in the past 2 years he's asked if he could do it to me, and I said yes, and he did. I mean he did bring up, "I know you don't really like", but I guess he was in the mood that day.

@ROLLINGALONG
I don't think that feeling will go away. There are plenty of people who live sexless marriages and live happily married. NOT that I want that, just saying. Not everyone conceives relationships the way you do, think of that.

Also, he's a very honest person I don't think he's hiding anything from me. We didn't really have a very serious conversation about it until this week. I don't think he has a medical condition so we're not going to see the doctor yet.

Also, stop assuming that what you like is what every man likes. Don't paint all men with one brush. That's like saying all women like giving BJ's, or all women don't, or all women swallow or all women spit. I know plenty of women who love giving BJ's and women who wont put their mouth near their husband's cock. I don't close my legs and tell my guys "NO" when he wants to go down on me, he can do it if he wants, he just knows it's something I personally don't find sexy and I wont cum to it.

Again, if you have some suggestions that can help us get over this issue in our relationship, it would be much appreciated.

 

@M2D Thanks, maybe we should take it a little slower at the start. I appreciate you being the first person to actually give me some advice.

And even though I said it in my last post, just reiterating that I don't tell him he CAN'T go down on me, he just knows for me it is a turn off.

 

Dont act like you dont know.

Yeah you cum in 5 mins if you havent had it for a month, but then 40 mins is too long???

Compared to the guys you are too nervous to talk to or even look in the eye, or even get within ten feet of, otherwise you'll start to leak...you know full well you were never really going to get turned on by your husband, you wouldnt have been secure enough to marry him if you were.

You may crap on about the connection you have with him, you are best friends and all that shit, but your ladies parts only want big mean guys that dont give a shit and know how to treat you bad

 

Do you know any? I don't. The only ones I've heard of in sexless married relationships are those that don't want to divorce because of thier kids, or their spouse is physically or mentally disabled from having sex. I wouldn't call them happy marriages.

My guess is you are not being honest with yourself...

You are not turned on by your husband, and he can sense that. it's as simple as that. no bigger turn off

I have no advice other than find someone who turns you on.

 

Don't act like I don't know???

I cum in like 5 minutes because I use a hitachi wand and it's giving me constant uninterrupted stimulation on overdrive!

And I'm never too nervous to talk to a guy, ever! I might be a shrinking violet in bed, but I'm definitely a force to be reckoned with! I ALWAYS speak my mind, to the point of being blunt. I've always been a leader type person, competitive, I'm even a boxer. There's never been a man who's made me feel weak at the knees before besides my husband. That feeling has been slowly fading...but it's due to our frustrating situation.

And my husband knows how to treat me bad. When we were college kids I used to ask him to beat the shit out of me. He never laid a hand on me when we weren't having sex, he is actually a very cool-minded dude. But he knows how to be aggressive with me, it's just that things have cooled down. We stopped being so rough because then I'd get bruises and stuff, and we didn't want it to look like he was a wife beater. We've found other ways to still be rough, but again, I think it's cooled down because of this frustrating boat we're in. It is totally the wrong mindset, but sometimes I know we're going into sex and just going through the motions. The love is there, but the carnal excitement isn't. It's like we forgot.

We talked about it this week how we miss that feeling of just 'melting' together.

 

Damn! this song is about girls like you

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBK3Y8EgJCM"]Frank Zappa - Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy - YouTube

 

Oh, bullshit. You think anyone believes that?, even or especially other women that will say the same thing

Thought you said in your first post you have a sub personae

By "know how to treat you bad" I wasnt talking about beating you up, or a wife beater, I was talking about in the bedroom, knows when to treat you bad in that gooooood way - they are always the guys that are the complete opposite of the over protective overly jealous and insecure tossbags...but also the ones you have no power over

Your hubby knows it, I know it, Gong knows it, everyone knows it.

 

op's refusal to believe her husband isn't honest with her is a joke.....she actually believes the dude doesn't know what the problem is

unless she married a retarded dude he knows goddamned well exactly what would make him blow his load

all dudes do....no exceptions

 

You need to use a goddamn powertool that you plug into the wall in order to climax, and you wonder why the guy has issues? Let him make you cum, things will change.


Also, is he on any sort of anti-depressant meds? painkillers?

 

@Vanilla Gorilla

I really haven't. I planned a raunchy night for one of my girl friend's bachelorette parties and we had big dude's all over us. I left more with an awkward taste in my mouth instead of being turned on. And yes, the men were VERY attractive, but not to the point of me blushing and wetting my panties.

And I am a sub persona in bed. Most women who are subs are very dominant people in normal life. Just like my husband. Normally, he's very shy, quiet, and indecisive.

I was also talking about 'bad' in a good way. I'm a submissive person. I like him to be VERY aggressive. I like him to overpower me, choke me, spank me. It's all in good fun though, he would never seriously hurt me.

@ Vanilla Gorilla + ROLLINGALONG

I told you he told me that he loses focus when I'm pushing back. I push back because I'm dry. I have dryness due to my pill, a VERY common side effect. There is no way I'm dry due to lack of being aroused. I ALWAYS cum first. Meaning that by the time he's plowing into me, I should be wet, but I'm not. We're trying a new lube tonight and hopefully it'll help. I was asking for other suggestions to help him cum in case the lube isn't what we need. We've only tried one brand of lube ever.

@ eggsprog
He's NOT asking to go down on me, and I've NEVER told him no! I'm sorry I've repeated this several times now! My pussy is NOT off limits! And no, he's not on any sort of medication.

goddman, all I ask is for help from you guys and all of you are just trolling, wtf! We obviously don't want to break up, so I'm asking for some advice. You're all dudes, what helps set the mood more? Playing porn in the background? Having sex in an unexpected place or time? Naughty talk throughout the day? I'd really appreciate some suggestions. Thanks...

 

hip forums isn't a touchy feely site with morons giving moronic advice......just because I/we see a different view of your situation than you do does not a troll make......


you've said half a dozens things that would deflate any boner.....well done

 

Well my intent wasn't to get you hard, so I don't see a point to your attempt at being offensive? Just joined today, so I guess this place isn't for me :/

Thanks for nothing