Helping A Friend!

So, one of my friends has lymphedema. Things like work takes a huge toll on her. Life, in general takes a huge toll on her. On top of that, she suffer from depression. She is taking medication for it, but it's not really working. She is married to a wonderful man, and has a beautiful little boy. So, she is blessed in that aspect. But, it's not enough. Her physical and mental health is barely getting by. Also, she doesn't feel fulfilled in work. Though, she seems excited and hopeful for her the new job that she has.

Anyways, I want to help. All I do is listen to her, and tell her that I understand considering I have physical and mental health issues. I also compliment her as much as I can, because she is a beautiful woman. But, that's just not enough. I don't know what else to do.

 

Also, people sometimes are unkind to her because they think she is obese just because she eats a lot, but they don't know nor understand that it's because of her condition that she looks obese. People stare and snicker. When she is with her husband, she has told me that people come up to her and ask her how she got a man like him. Because he is a wonderful guy, and he is thin, or average. I don't know how to describe guy's body types. Point is, that people consider him more attractive than her.

 

I am not trying to be rude, but maybe she feels like a fat frustrated fuck you know? Maybe that doesn't really pinpoint her, but you can get an extremely ugly false perception of yourself and it's hard to shake and becomes frustrating and depressing. Hard to tell from online, but I would just ignore everything that references a false perception of herself and just be her friend. I dunno.

 

I'm not really sure what you're trying to say here. I'm sorry. I really don't understand, lol.

I mean, I'm already her friend. So, yea... I don't understand. I really am sorry.

 

Well I guess I don't really understand what you're looking for. I'm just saying that depression isn't something that lightly goes away. Mental images of yourself get fixed and almost hypnotize you in a way. You have to be very delicate with a depressed person. But maybe you already know that.

 

I thought I was pretty clear. I was hoping someone can give me suggestions of ways I can help. But, I guess what you're telling me is that there is no suggestions, because when it comes to difficult situations like this... all you can do is deal. There is no helping it be easier to deal with, or ways to terminate it.

I was hoping I wouldn't hear that. But, it's late. Maybe I'll get more helpful suggestions tomorrow. ???

 

You're confusing me. It's like we're not even on the same website. I told you to be delicate with her. That's how you can help. But you can't give a depressed person a bouquet of roses and expect their negative self-perception to disappear. It runs deeper than that. But whatever, reject my advice if you want. I was only trying to help. Hope you have a nice night.

 

I'm not rejecting it. I just don't understand it. And I thought you meant that there is no way of helping her.

 

Yeah I guess not too many people know how to reinforce a positive self-image on someone nowadays. Sorry I'll leave you be. I hope you can find something that makes you feel good about helping her tomorrow.

 

Maybe someone on here is wise and can give me at least one suggestion. It can't just be... oh, well... she just has to deal. I know things for her can't be terminated. I know how that feels, having issues you can't terminate. You can't fix. All you can do is deal. But, I'm hoping there are ways to make things easier to deal with.

I'm her friend. Whenever she talks about this, I listen and/or tell her that I understand because I go through similar things. I make it clear it's not exactly the same. And I make sure I don't make it about me when I'm attempting to relate to her. You know how some people who attempt to relate tend to make it about themselves? It's like they lose themselves within themselves. Or they compare their situation(s) to the other person's situation(s), but there is little to no comparison. For example, someone once compared me having facial deformities due to a medical condition with them having skin tags, that they got removed. So, I try to be careful when understanding and relating. Like you said, be delicate. I think I'm delicate. And like I said above, I compliment her. So, that's all I'm doing right now.

 

Im not a doctor.

V...This works well for me(depression) and my wife (lymphedema)


I suggest yoga and deep breathing for you and your friend.

Yoga practice can reduce the incidence of lymphedema.

Deep breathing exercises from the diaphragm can increase Serotonin levels which can temporary reduce levels of depression.


A good supply of Serotonin= happiness in the brain.

I wish your friend well...

 

Yeah, I didn't say she just has to deal. I said she had to have positive reinforcement, but this would require a positive friend, and I don't think you are quite sufficient.

And it's funny that you should wonder that she's depressed. Are all her friends as self-absorbed, wallowing in their own misery, and emotionally manipulative as you are?

 

Hope I didn't scare you away aoabai. Or just bore you away.

 

Yoga? Really? Does she have to go full on stretches, or can she just do the breathing exercises? Because I don't think she can do full on stretches, considering the amount of swelling her body produces.

I didn't know your wife has the same medical condition. How old is she, may I ask? My friend is 27, just turned. And she keeps telling me that she only has ten years or so left, because people with this medical condition only live that long. Is that true?

By the way, do you think it would be stupid to suggest weed? Apparently, it's the miracle drug. So, I thought about suggesting it to her. Weed doesn't help me with my medical conditions, but we don't have the same ones. So, maybe that's it.

I wish your wife well.

And thank you for your suggestion. I was starting to think it was going to be hopeless.

 

Of course you did. You always do that.

 

I don't wonder it, it's what she has told me because she has been clinically diagnosed with it.

As for the rest of the lovely bullshit you had to offer me, the sad thing is that I had a feeling someone would make EVEN THIS THREAD, a thread in which I'm asking for suggestions to help my friend THAT I WANT TO HELP... into something negative and hateful. You proved me right. Then you had the nerve to ask me if you bored me or scared me away. Are you stupid? What the fuck is wrong with you?

She was in tears because of the pain she was going through, and I cried as well. So, no... I'm not fucking self-absorbed, you little shit. No, I'm not emotionally manipulative. If you choose to react a certain way because I honestly expressed myself, that's on you. No, I don't wallow in my misery. I wake up every fucking morning, get dressed, go to work, and live my life as best as I can. My temperament in person is neutral or happy. Hardly anyone gets to see what you think you see in my posts. Yea, sometimes I come on stupid boards like these and openly talk about my issues. Something I don't personally think people like to listen to, or do themselves. But, that's on them, not me.

I am a lot of things. A coward. Weak. Stupid. Ugly. Insecure. But, I am not those things you claim. You know what I think? You're just upset that I didn't understand, therefore accepted your suggestion. You're upset that you had nothing to offer me, besides the obivious, like be her friend. No, shit... I didn't know that. That's so fucking smart of you to suggest.

I should have read this post first before the other one, because then I would have said... no, you don't bore or scare me. I just want you to go fuck yourself.

I'm going to take your post as a honest mistake and give you another chance, but if you come at me one more time with these accusations... I'm going to cut off all your hair in your sleep.

 

It's obvious from your immediate hostility towards someone who only wanted to help in the first place that this thread had everything to do with you and very little to do with your "friend." But keep trying to create that online image of yourself that nobody actually gives a shit about.

It wasn't a mistake. You made my honestly helpful suggestion out to be something completely foolish from the beginning as a personal, passive aggressive attack directed against me. I don't expect you to admit that, though, as yes, you are either too cowardly to admit that to yourself or just too much of a cold-hearted bitch.

P.S. Yes, yoga will help...BECAUSE IT HELPS TO CREATE A POSITIVE SELF-IMAGE. How fucking dense are you people. You have reduced everything to the effects it has on chemicals in the brain with no regard for personality at all. You just view each other as soulless fucking objects and call each other friends. You're a fucking joke.

I never want to create enemies. If your love is so shallow that you have to pretend we're enemies, go for it. I'll just have a laugh at how childish you are. I won't lose any sleep. I would have never entered this thread in the first place if I knew that instead of a polite "Thanks, I'll take that into consideration" I was going to get "You make no fucking sense, possess no wisdom, and are a fool." Get over your damned self.

 

Well, I'm glad we had this little chat. It was not good. You weren't helpful, but no... we are not enemies. I wasn't trying to be hostile with you either. You can say whatever else you want to say, but I will ignore you from now on.

 

Im not a doctor (always want to make sure people reading this know that)

Yoga works well for my wife's lymphedema (left arm). It greatly reduces cording. With all exercises including yoga, diaphragm deep breathing is essential for the brain and muscles.

My wife got lymphedema with removal of 26 lymph nodes and double mastectomy, apart of her breast cancer treatment.

My wife is 43

I totally disagree about your friends outcome of ten years life expectancy. People with advanced lymphedema can live a rather normal life expectancy.

The normal treatment for lymphedema is complete/complex decongestive therapy which consists of manual lymph drainage which is a form of medical massage. A certified lymphedema therapist who will help your friend do special exerises and stretches to promote lymph flow and less swelling. Healthy diet is essential as well.

Has your friend seen a therapist?
The weed question should definitely be answered by her PCP.

Thank you very much for well wishes to my wife.

Your Welcome Aoabai.

 

I''m not really sure if she sees a theraprist. I assume she sees a doctor, but not sure if it's the one you speak of.

I send this whole thread to my friend, because it's easier for her to read it, then me just one day start shooting out ideas. I told her to ignore the fighting, of course. I haven't talked to her since I sent her this thread. I'll see what she thinks of everything.

Thanks again. You were really hopeful, especially with the whole life expectancy part.

Edit*

I wrote "hopeful" instead of "helpful". I think that's kind of funny. Freudian slip, I guess.