Help!!!!

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by PianoB12388, Jan 31, 2005.

  1. PianoB12388

    PianoB12388 Member

    Ian is my best friend and I love him more than anything in the world. We used to date but now were best friends. His current girlfriend is a controlling evil witch that wants me to stay away from him. I know that he loves her very much and I don't want to come in between them, however, she treats him like a dog. She pulls him around on a very short leash, and he's just to sweet to say anything about it. I wish that he could find someone better. When we broke up I was devestated, but I still supported any thing that he felt. I want him to be happy and in a relationship where he's an equal and not the lesser of the two, like when we were dating, we both gave some and took some. He doesn't know that I love him and still try to look out for him it would complicate things if he did. How do I stress to him that this girl isn't right for him?
     
  2. Xac

    Xac Visitor

    "How do I stress to him that this girl isn't right for him?"
    maybe you shouldn't, maybe he would be better off learning from it in the long run.
    the best thing you can do is remain level headed and let him know you will be there for him.

    basically it is something he needs to learn for himself and you can't support him if you allow yourself to get to upset by it... something a friend taught me dont allow others problems to get in your way it's not useful for you and it's not useful for them.
     
  3. PianoB12388

    PianoB12388 Member

    thanx for the advice. maybe you're right. However since then we had an argument about something he said that I bet that she got him to say. Something he would never say to me usually. I feel bad that I got so mad about it and I don't think that he wants anything to do with me any more. Do you have any more advice?
     
  4. ihmurria

    ihmurria fini

    isn't one of the first or key signs of an abusive relationship that they won't allow you to see your friends anymore?

    I don't know, I'd maybe make him aware of that. Or tell him that you still want to be friends with him, but you and this gal don't get along - so when he's going out with the boys or whatever and she isn't going to be there, you can come along as well.
     
  5. snelio37

    snelio37 Member

    dont interfere. just dont do it. i've been in a situation fairly similar, and the one who interferes is never appreciated, even if what they say is right. let this thing work itself out, and if after it's all over he says "why did you let me stay with her so long?" just say you were trying to be supportive and he'll love you all the more for it.
     
  6. PianoB12388

    PianoB12388 Member

    Is there any way that I could make him realize that he deserves way better than that? I wish that I could just say to him "You're funny, you're gorgeous, you're an incredable person and you deserve someone who realizes that. Don't sell yourself short."
     
  7. SilverClover14

    SilverClover14 Senior Member

    I've been telling my (now ex) best friend that for the past year and she still won't listen to me. Her boyfriend treats her like crap and gives her "lectures" on every little thing and she goes along with it even though she's much too good for him. Because of this guy, it's driven us apart because he won't allow her to hang out with her friends without him, and since I can't say anything nice to him (he's my ex..) it drove my best friend and I apart. Basically, if your friend doesn't want to believe what his girlfriend is doing to him then he won't. Trying to make him see that will chances are only make him defensive. Just hopefully he'll realize the mistake he's making before he gets hurt. In the meantime, be supportive of him as best as you can.
     
  8. loveturtle

    loveturtle Member

    Your ex-bf and now best friend is so young that he's not going to end up with his current evil witch gf. Tell this guy, "When your gf dumps you, or you get tired of her trying to control you so much, and when you need some comforting arms to return to, I'm available. I'll always be your friend. I'm here for you." Good luck.
     
  9. Kinky Ramona

    Kinky Ramona Back by popular demand!

    I know it's terribly hard to stand by and watch a good friend be treated like that, but sometimes all you need to do is let him know you're there if he needs you and let it be. He's not the greatest friend in the world if he's letting his girlfriend control him and who he hangs out with. But don't worry, he'll come to his senses. And you can be there when he crashes (which will undoubtedly happen, give it some time).

    Also, keep in mind that you being an ex might make it harder to express your motives. Make sure your main objective is to keep him from being hurt or to help him in the end when he does get burned. Don't make this about your relationship. Wait until after his new fling fizzles out and dies and see how you feel then. Being teenagers, we're lucky, we have plenty of time to work things out with people. Give it all time. Everything will fall into place.

    Best of luck!
     
  10. PianoB12388

    PianoB12388 Member

    Strange thing happened today. I talked to Ian's sister who is also one of my best friends, and she told me that he said that he still likes me and wants to give me back the ring that he gave me a long time ago when we got "married." (Which is an inside joke between me and him) I think that he's afraid to hurt his girlfriends feeling by acting on anything that he feels. He knows that I'll always be there for him when ever he needs me so I hope that things work out. And even if we don't get back together, which is very likely to happen, I always know that we'll have an incredible friendship that has made it through the very worst an still came out on top.
     
  11. PianoB12388

    PianoB12388 Member

    I think that I am ready to let go of Ian and I may have found someone else. He is incredible. He makes me laugh, and smile all the time. I'm keeping my fingers crossed though. I found out that Ian only wants me as a backup just in case he and his girlfriend don't work out. Well, I made it perfectly clear that that was unfair and I wasn't going to take that. I'm a nice person, I'm smart, I'm funny, and I am easy to get along with so I shouldn't have any trouble making it on my own if I have to. ;)
     
  12. PianoB12388

    PianoB12388 Member

    I don't think that I ready to let go. If I was ready, I would have moved on by now, I've had a few chances to so what's wrong w/me. Could you help? I need some advice.
     

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