Help, the terrible twos have arrived!!!

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by Pixie, Jan 30, 2005.

  1. Pixie

    Pixie Member

    I'm in desperate need of advice from any parents out their who have gone through similar situations with their children. I'm 21 years old and my daughter Isabella will be two this April. She is my only child so this stage is all new to me. She has started to have the most hellish out of control tatntrums! She has always been very, independent and fiesty, and strong-willed. But this is getting rediculous. She refruses to let me lay her down and change her diaper and clothes in the morning when I go into get her. She tries to run away from me and when I do try to change her she kicks and howels and screams as if I was tourturing her. Also anytime I tell her she can't have or do something she goes crazy and I don't know what to do. About 20 times a day she tries to pull all the books off the shelf and when I gently try to move her away from them and distract her with something else to play with she goes into a frenzy. She grabs at anything and everything in sight throwing it on the ground and she kicks and screams and cries to the point she almost makes herself sick! I tried trying to calm her by holding her until the tantrum passes but this only makes her more angry. And at this point she's too upset and even though she's little, she's very strong and I can hardly hold her. She also does this to my husband she started screaming and even scrached his face when he tried to change her for me. It's also not just when she has to be changed but anytime she has to be still for a second, like when we try to put her in the highchair to eat I can hardly get her in it myself becease she makes herself so stiff. This has gotten progressively worse over the past few weeks and I'm really worried I'm doing something wrong. I don't believe in spanking but this has gotten where I feel like I have no control over the situatuion and I'm ready to pull my hair out!! Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated!
  2. good2bhome

    good2bhome Member

    Maybe check into a food allergy or Asperger's? I was having the same problem with my 6yo little girl and just recently feel I have figured out some of her "triggers". I swear that some little girls come equiped with little cycles of their own complete with PMS!

    I noticed that she is alot better if there aren't that many outings in my day. Yours may be the complete opposite, lack of outings. I finally found a way for her to calm herself down that seems to work. She stays in her room with her door shut and when she stops screaming I start the timer for 5 minutes. Then the she is in her room with the door open for 5 minutes before rejoining whatever. We had tried everything and she would spend hours on end throwing tantrums and screaming, bloody murder screaming. You cannot touch, look, comfort, etc. The door being shut seems to releive her of any tiggers (looks and touch) and then the next five minutes are just to make sure she is calmed down enough and won't relapse. Anyway, this was after MUCH trial and error. Just keep trying different things and see what works.

    Taking away things never worked either because it seemed to drag out the offense and never gave her a chance to to recover. At least when the consequences only last ten minutes and we can be done with the situation and on with life and loving.

    Just keep truckin until you find what works and know that alot of us have been there and "This too shall pass."
  3. my oldest son would be just horrible, scream till he couldn't breath, etc. i would just put him where he couldn't hurt himself, like on the bed, and let him go at it till he quit. it's really hard, but no talking to them, no cajoling, no consequenses, no threats - just totally ignore it. as long as they are not hurting themselves just pretend everything's normal. it's really hard, and may take a couple of months but she IS getting attention from this behavior, not that she may particularly be trying to get attention or even understand what she's doing.

    good luck, take a deep breath, get some earplugs and know that this too shall pass:)
  4. *nazel accent* naw-tee chairs always werk.
    Haha, really Isabella is pretty crazy!! heheh =P
  5. mrs_eads80

    mrs_eads80 Member

    I would also recomend trying to ingonore it if the situation permits. Also at about age two is when you can start time outs, one minute for every year of her age.

    Just make sure she knows why she is in time out. And I would sugest using the same spot everytime, somewhere where she can't watch tv, or interact with toys, etc.
    I know this sounds wierd, but catch an expsode of Nanny 911 or Super Nanny. It will give you ideas, and you can then mold them to fit you type of parenting. I don't know if that sounds kind of lame, but it works for me
  6. sugrmag

    sugrmag Uber Nerd

    Why don't you try getting her to be a part of the diaper changing/clothes changing process? Instead of doing it all for her, let her help and try to do some things on her own. When it's time to get dressed, have her help pick out her clothes, she can follow simple directions like putting her arms in and putting her legs in. That way she feels more in control of what she's doing.

    Also, about the high chair, my dd stopped using one @ 1 1/2 years old. She likes to be a big girl and sit in a chair on her knees-or use a booster seat.

    Can you put a shelf on the bottom of the bookshelf that has only her books in it? Then she has her OWN shelf and can look at the books and when she is finished, help her put them away.

    As far as the temper tantrums go, I would just make sure she can't hurt herself and let her act out her frustration. She not being "naughty" and I don't think time-outs are good for them-she's having an emotion release, she's not deliberately doing something "wrong". If holding her makes her more frustrated, let her go. Set her down on the floor so she can get it out, then when she's done, hug and love on her.
    Good luck, sweetie.
  7. Dakota's Mom

    Dakota's Mom Senior Member

    It can be so frustrating when little ones begin to assert their own personality. They are no longer the cuddly little babes we love so much. They have their own wants and needs and ways of doing things and they are constantly testing the borders to see how far they can go. In a lot of ways we have to let them. They are learning too much at once to stay still for a minute. You'll get pretty good at changing diapers with her standing up. A lot of people put bowls of food out so the kids can craze all day long. That way you know they are getting nurioushment even though they won't sit still for a meal. Time outs work at times. Ignoring the behavior when you can works too. Let her pick out her own clothes. She'll be more willing to put them on if she picked them out. This is a time when she can start learning to dress herself too. It just takes extra time in the morning.

    It does get better. As they get more verbal you can explain things to them. And they can explain their frustration to you. We just ended the terrible two's two days ago. We still have the testing of the waters and the constant exploration. But now our new thing is "Why?" Everything you ask him to do is responded to with "WHY?". And no matter how many explanations you give, there is another why. Please tell me this ends soon.

    Kids are so much fun as they grow up and so frustrating. Good luck.

  8. mynameiskc

    mynameiskc way to go noogs!

    i put my daughter in her bed or mine when she's having a tantrum. she has a tendency to hurt herself, so it seems to be the place for it. she can get up when she's done, and she has to say she's sorry. it seems to have cut down on the number of tantrums. the real trouble is when she's having a major tantrum in public. i swear, people look at me like i'm beating my child even when i'm just trying to stop her from hurting herself. one time i was holding her, walking towards my car, and she was freaking out. she shoved herself outta my arms, and suddenly all i have a hold of is her ankles as her head is heading for the pavement. she's screaming bloody murder, and suddenly this man decides to look my way, and BOY did he ever give me a shitty look. what do you do in that situation? if i set her down, she'd run right for the street. i didn't have the strength to battle the writhing fury and get her upright, i was totally at a loss. she eventually calmed down enough for me to get a good grip on her. but then i got her in the car seat, and she managed to get out!! i was driving down the road with a 3 year old trying to crawl out her window. what a bad freaking day. i managed to get her back into her seat, but that time there was a lady glaring at me like i was the antichrist because she was still screaming bloody murder. and those children's services people scare the crap outta me, they can declare whatever they want and they POOF! your kid is in foster care. thankfully her tantrums are extemely rare. but WHAT THE HELL?

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