HELP Please - How to say goodbye when you can't attend the funeral

Due to a family fallout, me and my Mum cannot her mother's (my grandmother's) funeral. We thought about getting something to put on the grave afterwards, but not sure if other family members might remove them. I have suggested perhaps a home memorial on a shelf might help. But I think my Mum needs some kind of ceremony or some way of saying goodbye. She is obviously upset and I want to help her any way I can.

The funeral will be held at a crematorium, my Mum owns a Bible but never goes to church. I lean more towards Pagan / Spiritual, but my Mum definitely does not. I want to suggest us doing something at home, perhaps more spiritual, to help her say goodbye to her mother. I've never tried to do anything like this before, and could really do with some ideas and suggestions.

Really appreciating your help with this!

 

from a snippet of your hair and mother's , too , make a braid (of family) and
then a fire to make ashes of it : you are altogether bound and have something
to put on the grave . ashes to ashes

 

Maybe an outing to some places her mother liked to go...like a girl's day together...let her tell stories of her mother along the way.

 

Some people don't want a funeral and that kinda makes it hard too. As said above visit where they liked to go, remember all the good times, say hi to them in your mind when you feel the need. Or even out loud. Make a memorial of that person like a photo album, visit a grave later and bring flowers. Lots that one can do and just know they love you still.

 

Thanks so much, these all sound lovely ideas. I particularly like the Photo Album memorial idea, and being able to speak to her, either in your mind or out loud. Looking at her pictures I feel more connected to her. I like the idea of visiting where she liked to go too, and sharing memories of her. Thank you so much!

 

Can you clarify the issues of why you and your mom can't attend? Is it because of not feeling welcome, or not being permitted to attend?

I'm guessing that you and your mom may have a legal right to attend. That might be more complicated if another family member has been assigned power of attorney, or if there is something in your grandma's will forbidding your attendance.

The simplest thing to do would be to ask family members if you may attend. Though there have been problems in the past, they may soften in this situation if you reach out to them.

If they refuse, you may want to talk to a lawyer. If you can't afford a lawyer, you may be eligible for help from a pro-bono legal agency or law school clinic.

Even if your family members don't want you there, you might be able to negotiate having your own ceremony after their's.

hope that this all works out!