Help Me To Not Break His Heart

So, I was in this relationship with this guy and we did some traveling together. We have returned to separate cities and I asked for a break, but he doesn't seem to get it. We still work together and care about each other and want to be friends, but every few days he drives me crazy with all his texts, emails, phone calls with hugs, kisses, and telling me how he loves me and all these things he wants to do with me and when I tell him I am uncomfortable hearing those things he gets really pissed off and says I'm being mean.

He says he feels like I don't love him anymore...and I just feel like he's really needy and clingy and rather or not I love him doesn't matter because I don't want to talk about it, think about it or feel the pressure of needing to show that or even know at all times how I feel about it, which is why I asked for a break.

But I'm tired of having to tell him this stuff that I know is going to hurt him, I just can't stand to get all these lovey dovey messages and phone calls and it makes me so annoyed with him, so I have to say something, right?

Maybe I'm not saying it as nice as I could, but how could I/should I say it or what should I do to get him to accept the fact that I don't want to hear or talk about these things without being accused of being mean?

 

dude Ive got a boyfriend.. usually workss..

 

I don't think there is any way around it. Just be gentle but firm.

 

just tell him you appreciate him but you don't want to be with him and make sure he really understands it. nothing worse than stringing people along youll probably hurt him more that way.

 

^ yup

If he's not getting the message you need to paint a clearer picture. Be blunt, tell him how you feel. Pain is only temporary, and it's a neccesary element to a healthy life. But he needs to know where he stands. Sugar laying it isn't helping him.

 

Hook him up with a new hot girlfriend.

One that loves to clean and stuff. I can almost guarantee you wont hear from him.

 

Only thing to do is to just tell him straight.
Of course, do it gently, but he has to understand how you feel and whilst it won't be easy and there will be pain as a result, it has to be done.

 

I would suggest being clear about how you feel about the situation, but also respectful of his feelings, too. I'm sorry you have to feel tired of having to tell him, but really you need to deal with it and explain to him so that he understands. Chances are he's a very sensitive person, so I wouldn't be "blunt" in a really harsh sense. Instead, pay attention to his feelings and explain things to him gently.

I'm very sensitive myself, so I can relate to his taking some of what you say as "mean"(well, it really depends on what kind of wordings you choose, and how you come across) myself. He's just different from you, therefore he perceives things differently compared to the way you do. It isn't his fault that he's made that way, and it isn't your fault that you're made the way you are. But in this case, if you want to minimize the damage, then I suggest trying to break it to him gently exercising a lot of patience and understanding. He'd still be hurt, but at least he would also appreciate your being respectful.

All the best.

 

That was so incredibly hard but he eventually, finally understood. He was really pissed at first, but I wouldn't get upset with him because I really understand how difficult it is to be in that position he's in and I care about him of course and I'd like to start over again someday.

I think he was able to get all his feelings and questions out about it and that helped him to finally understand where I was coming from. It was such a relief when he finally understood and respected what I'm asking for.

 

Title is pretty sus.

One chick who did have the choice not to break my heart but did comes to mind.
I made it pretty simple,don't contact me ever again, let me get my life happening without you.
Anyway , she would sometimes visit and you could see her regrets but she couldn't play straight.
Looking back she had some bad experiences before me and being treated well probably was strange to her and being loved.
I moved away for a different life and so the problem ended. Ironically a life that she might have wanted.
A small part of her prolly enjoyed twisting my nuts.

The woman is now in her early fifties no kids , stressful job, lives in the city.
"What goes around comes around."

 

Oh good, I'm glad it worked out in the end.

 

My bet is that he is really still pissed .

You just chose to see it another way.

 

No...you're wrong monoman. He doesn't hide his feelings and I don't think I wrapped him up in cotton either, but I felt like maybe I was too harsh in telling him the first time and also the several other times I gave him a reminder and he maybe just ignored it because it was wrapped in too many thorns, initially. Not that I was trying to hurt him at all, but I know I did and part of that was because I was frustrated and being a little selfish about just wanting him to back off and spare my own feelings.

When I talked to him the second time I think we both really listened to each other. I know he felt partially like I had his fate in my hands in a way because I basically said, I don't want to do this anymore...so it's like, whatever he wanted didn't matter, it was just something I wouldn't compromise on.

The second time we talked, I understood more of how he was feeling and how he was feeling that I was controlling his life and he understood why I wanted to take a pause and respected my need for space.

 

You start by saying i am wrong.

I have been on the other end a few times and know it is difficult, sometimes it is pathetic , can be arrogance of the one in the position of power.
It is all about hurdles , do them now or later, sometimes they can be put off but you may suffer lack of growth as an adult being.
Things are not always as they seem and there often are issues that run too deep to even talk about. Honesty comes into it and blind love can cloud any rational dialogue sometimes.
It is easy to blame the partner when you decide to leave, at various times i have been blamed for all manner of things and i suspect now that it was all a smoke screen .
You take these things very much to heart and it can do damage to your self esteem .
With age you fathom all this out .
What you feel in hindsight is sorrow for the person who said the destructive things that were not even true.
I always tried to leave partners in better condition than i found them and i think i did this, at the end put aside stuff that would spoil the healing for both of us.
Variously in life i have been accused of being many things and it seems that reflects on the sayer rather than myself.

Power and who wields it come to play when we love and when we divide.
Sometimes they desire of the other that we reject is a powerful thing that a marriage can be built on?