Help I’m so confused!

I’ve fantasised about gay sex since being a teenager- thinking of lovely big cocks ready to be sucked or rammed in my butt has always been on my mind it I never felt compelled to act. I have had many girlfriends had sex with them and enjoyed it, I eventually got married and had children. We divorced about 6 years ago and I had quite a few girlfriends- I only climaxed with one of them though and I started fantasising about gay sex again, I signed up on a dating site and met 3 guys. First two experiences I just felt so out of place, like no way should I be here and left pretty quick. Still I had the fantasies so tried for a third time and vowed to follow it through no matter what. I gave the guy a bj which I felt was a chore tbh and when he ejaculated I heaved and was nearly sick. I now have no feelings towards men but also no longer women. Does anyone have a clue what is going on because I’m feeling pretty stuck and mixed up?

 

The grass always looks greener in the next field, but when you get there it is just a pile of mud.
Genuine gay people have all the affections towards people of the same sex that people have in a heterosexual relationship. They do not just spend all day looking at each others cocks.
I think that you have already answered your own question.