hi!! new here, rlly just wanted to come on here to find someone to talk to because my feelings are SO confusing!! growing up i never truly had crushes on guys. i remember second grade was the first time i had a crush on a guy. i remember everyone suspected me of having a crush on the guy when i didn’t, but on the last day of school i decided to pick him out and say i had a crush on him and tried to make myself like him by obsessively thinking of him. this cycle has been with all my guy crushes and all my three ex boyfriends. i have never truly “liked” them per say, i just convinced myself I did because i made myself think of them all the time that i convinced myself well I guess I do like them. but is not liking them the same as not being attracted to them? I believe I am sexually attracted to men but romantically, I feel nothing for them. I Can see myself with a women in the future and have felt more passion in relationships with a women, but i believe the fact that my parents don’t accept it is what blurs my attraction and confuses me. Do I actually like men because I like them, or is it comphet? How do I come to admit that i might not genuinely like me? All the passionate attractions I’ve had for men have been fictional men. GRAGH, I feel like I know the answer but can’t accept it and I don’t know why. I wish sexuality wasn’t so confusing. Plz help!!
You seem to feel the need to define yourself as liking men or liking women but sometimes it is best not to put yourself in a box. Relax and allow yourself to explore a little. If you are not currently in a relationship you might not want to enter into anything serious until you have figured yourself out a bit more. Take your time to get to know yourself.
A swan doesn't try to be white, they're beautiful simply by being a swan. Instead to trying to be Straight or Gay, simply listen to your heart, and learn to be your truest, most authentic self. Do that, and the rest will sort itself out.
I'm not really hooked up that way, but I don't see a thing wrong with being attracted to males and females. It sounds to me as if you might be comfortable being bi sexual.
Sexual attraction is the most natural thing that can happen to a person. Outside pressures to conform to some sense of "normal" is what confuses us. All through our growing up years, we are trained to obey and please our parents. Parents joke that a child does not listen, does not obey, does not conform to their rules and instructions, but the truth is that kids are listening, observing and taking so much information that forms the adults we become. One of my favorite quotes from ee cummings goes like this, "To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." As far as the process goes in accepting who we are... you have to start by processing your feelings, thoughts, emotions and reactions and accepting these yourself... you are responsible to only you. Your happiness and peace of mind is yours alone. Start there and let the rest roll itself out. You can try the label on, like you would a piece of clothing in the dressing room of department store... nobody has to know how it fits other than you. You can decide it doesn't fit right or you can choose to walk out of the closet and wear it proudly. But the important thing is - take your time and be kind to yourself, and you decide what you want and when you want it. The other odd thing is - most of your real friends or loved ones don't really care about this as much as you do... Do you have a close friend you share thoughts and feelings with? You might want to share your thoughts and struggles. Sometimes saying things out loud to another person can be incredibly enlightening. There are so many elements to the human spirit, and who we are attracted to and why is as varied from person to person as the colors in a rainbow. You may find that your physical, sexual and emotional attractions for men or women will become clearer as you just let yourself explore. Just don't worry about what others think of you for any of this. You just be you...
"the two most important days of your life is when you are born and when you find out why." Mark Twain.
