Yes, you're being VG here. I think it's implied here that they were engaged in some level of intercourse Four years of deleted texts recovered from her phone would tend to confirm that she was cheating
I wouldn't suggest that you go to couples counseling together, but rather that you see a relationship counselor on your own. That is, the point wouldn't be to save your relationship, but to help you figure out the best path to take from here. I'm not sure the metaphor of destruction really applies. Continuing to invest in a broken relationship without knowing it, and discovering a harsh truth are both problems. You might want to make a list of reasons to tell his wife, and reasons not to
Well I'm not ready to cut my losses, I will insist the house is separated to just one of us, and the other getting compensated. I'd never let her 13 and 9 year old children become involved, even by having them find out what she has done. The list of reasons for and against telling everyone has been bouncing around in my head for at least a week. In my personal opinion, while ignorance is bliss, who the hell wants to be ignorant. And I'm certain that sooner or later, the cat's going to get out of the bag. Then she'll know someone was aware earlier and left her in the dark. I dread finding out anybody knew about this and didn't tell me. I also don't want to cause the immediate pain of knowing something you didn't.
Sounds like you keep hooking up with the wrong women, or maybe there is something wrong with you and that’s why the women are cheating? Idk, just a thought...
Of course there's something wrong with me. I've got a thing for crazy women, and like a dummy I never remember the price you pay.
I didn't want to say it when I read this earlier tonight but sometimes I feel like, there's reasons people cheat and instead of playing the blame game etc. maybe you need to take a good look at yourself and figure out what you failed at or just any validation as to why it might have happened. Unless she just a hoebag. I don't like hearing cheating stories. I've never been cheated on but I've shamefully been the 3rd person in an affair too. >.< I feel it's a little less detrimental when it's two woman lovers versus your wife having sex with another guy but in any case, I've always been hard on myself for it.
There are reasons people lose interest and look for validation elsewhere But i've always felt cheating was the cowards way out. People who dont have the courage to face the problems in their relationship or the courage to leave are the ones who cheat And some, of course, are just hoebags
Please, just for once elaborate on what exactly you think a counselor is going to freakin do, especially in this case as he has been married twice before What magical solution is some twit from community college with an arts degree with psych major going to come up with he couldnt have rationalized himself?
Qoute, melia...People who dont have the courage to face the problems in their relationship or the courage to leave are the ones who cheat. Unquote! You think? Some people stay with a cheat because of all kinds of reasons! I think you meant some, didn't you?
He's 53, been married twice, this one is a girlfriend, eldest kid is 13, so girlfriend could be as young as 31 Not a hoebag if she just thinks she will get traded in for a younger girlfriend in a couple years anyway, and he is never marrying again, she still thinks she might have a chance to find a guy that will marry her for ever after. This doesnt seem to have registered with our OP, the mere fact this thread exists tells us that Whats to work out?
She's only 3 years younger than me. As I see it, we had no issues. Financially stable because of my efforts, a crazy active and fun sex life, all kinds of adventure on time off. She also had been divorced and was equally uninterested in another marriage. She swears up and down they are just friends, but I saw what I saw, and the texts show they've plotted and lied to get together at parks and other places every few weeks for years. And then they texted about how great, hot, etc. It was to see each other. Let me say thanks for all the replies. I haven't talked about this with anyone yet in real life because of the possible repercussions and it's been a huge load off my mind to spit it out.
Ok. But just this once! You know how I hate to elaborate. I'm not going to bother disabusing you of your misconceptions about the credentials necessary to be a relationship counselor. What magical solution would a relationship counselor offer? I don't know, because I'm not a relationship counselor. If I knew, I would tell him, instead of encouraging him to shell out somewhere between $50 and $250 an hour for relationship counseling. It's fair to say, however, that relationship counselors have expertise in relationship dynamics, and therefore may have some insights that will help to guide him. Your criticism applies equally well to any form of counseling. How could any counselor provide any form of assistance that person couldn't come up with themselves? Without knowing specifically what the counselor might say, I know that some portion of people are happy with the help that they get, others not. So if he saw a relationship counselor, he might find it a total waste of time and money, or he might find it worth every minute and every penny.
I'm going with the hoebag theory here. Sure, there's reasons why people cheat, but if you agree to be in a relationship with someone, you should take responsibility for fixing the problem or ending the relationship rather than cheat.
I'm not talking about people who stay with cheaters, I would never judge someone's choice to do that. I'm talking about cheaters. People cheat because sometimes its easier to let an outside party distract you from your relationship than actually face the problems in your relationship
Yes, I do. Still hurts, and the desire to spread the hurt rears its head a lot. I'm also aware enough to know that hurting others to make mine less doesn't work. Living well will be the best revenge. I wonder what other people would want in this situation, to know what has gone on, or to never find out. To me, to the thought of anyone seeing me around, at a party, wherever, and knowing I was being played a fool but not telling me, isn't right. I'm pretty sure it would end any friendship I had with the person who kept it from me. I'd want to know, and as soon as possible.
If she asks why you left, and she will.. then and only then you should tell her.. do they have children? Best thing you can do, is have a good life, and let her see you doing that, even when times are hard.. that hurts them more.. The day you leave, let it be the first day of the rest of your life! But telling won't give you any self respect, or satisfaction.. Just plan your life.
You and she living in a jointly owned home could be a problem. I surely don't know the answer to that. However, there would be NO WAY IN HELL I'd have anything else to do with her - although I'm sure she'll try if for no other reason than to toss it in your face because "you were with me after that" and bla bla bla. If the kids want to know what is the problem between you 2...tell them to ask her....and I'm as serious as I can be. I wouldn't TELL them but I also would not pretend all was wonderful and their hoebag mother is still the "love of my life". It would take the power of God to stop me from letting his wife know. She DESERVES to know. What she decides to do from there is up to her...but if it were me I'd for damn sure want to know! Good luck.
(To post 39)Good advice. What I've noticed in life is that sometimes it's you that gets hurt, sometimes it's someone else. That will continue. It's your turn now, but this will pass,as difficult as it is. Be the bigger person and just move on and as morrow said--just plan your life,
Being played a fool? Well not from the ladies perspective. There is only one answer, an answer no one is going to say to you, in front of everyone else anyway. If you dump this one and say in 5 years time, the next one is 31 years old or younger. Doesnt matter how much of a nice perfect guy you are to this one, its just going to look to her and everyone else like you traded her in for a younger version. That part isnt really up to you, or your fault, mother natures fault. Its whatever calibre of lady all the ladies around you think you should be with, even though they will make snide comments and pretend its not the case if you do go much younger Or ironically, because of this one, you will get fed up with reationships, pubic relationships anyway, and try sneak around with something even younger, then you will work out what your first ex wife was really getting up to at 19, along with a lot of them, sneaking around with guys that are your age now. You wont find any relationship counsellor that will say that to you
