I'm 53 and have had my share. I'm feeling it stronger than ever after catching my long term girlfriend, who I've been living together along with her two children, in a car out in front of the house with another man while she thought I was asleep on Christmas Eve. I know it doesn't last forever but damn, I'm so cold inside it actually hurts. Most of my time the past week or so is spent in shock, or choking down the urge to blow up the whole mess. It was something I didn't see, has been going on for three years, and involves another couple who are married. His wife has no clue. Do I suck it up and gracefully move on, or suck it up and gracefully move on after throwing a hand grenade into a 25 year marriage that has children involved. Any thoughts or advice would at the very least distract me for a few minutes in my new found hell.
Jesus Christ, on Christmas Eve for God's sake? That's a hell of thing for her to do. Hoping that you'll be able to get through this some how brother. I'll work on a longer reply, but it might take me a while.
Cheating seems to be a much more common thing these days, I'm not completely sure I know what's driving it. How long were the two of you together? You might want to see a couples counselor unilaterally. It may help you figure out how to end your relationship with your now ex, and what to do about the woman who doesn't know yet. Do you know the wife he was cheating on?
Disloyalty of this type is as bad as anything one can do to another. I'm sorry this happened to you. I would tell the children that you need some time to yourself and then disappear. That's probably not the right thing to do--but I would do it. When I'm not wanted someplace--that's the last time they'll see me. Man, that's rough----turns your world inside out.
The couple and my ex are all friends from elementary school. I've known them for the six or seven years we were together. I'd recognize them and say hi at the supermarket, but we aren't text or call each other type friends. Counseling isn't in our future. I'll behave normal in front of the houshold, but either her or I have to leave our house.
She and he know I know, I walked up and caught them. I've made a thumb drive of all thier texts over the past almost four years. I keep thinking drop a copy in the mail on the day I leave. Burn it the day she does and keep silent
Well if you have two kids, I would say that she should stay in the house. It’s better for the kids to not have to not have to leave their house. How old are the kids?
Divorces usually go real bad for the man. Be prepared to have to pay child support, spouse support and loose half of your money and possessions. I seriously don’t even know how the average guy can live on his own after a divorce and having to pay out all that money.
DO NOT involve the kids in grownups business. Sometimes a grownup wants to hurt the transgressor, but don't be tempted to tell the kids. I'm not implying that you would---just sayin.'
Could you stay in the house and just date other women? That would be cheaper.. I know people that have done that.
The children in our home are hers. And her and I aren't married. We did buy the home through a corporation we formed specifically for that. I've been divorced twice, and have always made it clear I'm not getting married again. I got the texts by asking to see them, and I'm guessing she never imagined that there's software to recover deleted texts from an Android phone. It's obvious she's upset, but I can't help but think it's only about being caught and future plans vanishing.
From my experience the stages of grief apply to break ups too Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance In some ways anger is the most comforting stage and you're probably about to enter the anger stage. It can really fuel you through all the hurt but don't get stuck there. Too many people get stuck there and have a life long bitterness towards the opposite sex. I recommend skipping the bargaining stage, you're most likely to remember the good times and consider getting back together with her during this stage. Dont forget, shes a fucked up bitch!
No, don't go that route...The big get even only makes things messier and messier and you would be using someone for that purpose....and good things won't come out of it. Think for yourself if you can accept this...and then work things out with her....and if you cannot accept it......cut your losses.....and as someone else suggested....maybe you both can still live in the same house .....with no more ties to each other......and wait for someone who comes along and won't do that to you in the future......When one door closes, another one is free t o open, but you would be messing that up with big get evens.....if you want anything real and true to find you.
What do you mean you caught your girlfriend in a car with a man? I guess I'm just being VG here, but I see nothing from the OP about cheating. I see plenty of comments regarding cheating, but nothing the OP has clarified this. Reading her texts and flipping out because she was sitting in the car with some man sounds like a control freak flying off the handle over mundane things normal people do. Reading her "sexts" flipping out because she is blowing some dude in the car is a much different story. Anyway, sounds like you want out either way, so just walk. Don't do anything stupid (Mail a thumb drive full of texts? To who? Who cares?) don't do anything to traumatize her kids, just leave. Anyway, whole thread seems suspect to me, but what do I know?
That pain will pass, what you have to decide, is what you want for your future.. If you can't look at her, then move on, but be sure to remove yourself from the property loan, or you pay for her entertaining her man. Don't tell his wife, she has done no wrong.. Either fix it, or leave.. Good luck
