Heartbreak.Try and move on.Try and get him back?

Hello, this is a very complicated problem to explain. So it may take me a while, please bare with me ^.^.
I met a boy when I was fourteen. I developed my first big crush, and then we started dating and I fell in love.
Since then we have had on and off relationships. They haven't been the easiest and I can be a handful. But they have ended (3 times) because he has walked away.
Everytime he has walked away from me, I have fallen apart. He has recently just finished a relationship with me and I am devastated. I'm trying my best to carry on, because he has done this twice. So my pride is trying to take over and move on.
But, everytime he has walked away, I see him fall apart. For example he came by recently, ( after he ended the relationship) we made love and he held me ( I couldn't help it).He was holding me so close, holding my head into his chest and whilst he was holding me, I took a look at him in the mirror without him knowing. He was crying.
I'm devastated, and obviously not doing well as our relationship has ended.
On the one hand I have my pride telling me to move on. But on the other hand, I'm 23 now and I'm still madly in love. I've had serious relationships, but no man has ever compared to him so far, and the fact that I see him hurting the way he does, it tells me that he does love me.
My previous relationship prior to getting back together with him was physically and emotionally abusive. He helped me get back on my feet after I had my ex-partner arrested. There is also another delicate factor. I have two daughters. After our previous relationship ended ( four years ago) I met a man, became pregnant (broken condom, but now wouldn't change it for the world) after I had my second daughter with this man, he became physically abusive.For my children's sake I couldn't stay in the relationship, I never want my Children to grow up thinking abusive behaviour is acceptable. It was said man (the one I have the current problem with) who I ran to for help. ( my feelings have remained the same from day one) He helped us out, and did everything he could for my children and me. Which is another huge factor in my decision. Also the fear of his rejection is unbearable.
So, what I'm asking is. Do I listen to my pride, and carry on with my life, pushing him to the back of my mind.
Or do I throw caution to the wind and try and get him back?

 

sounds like you have some co-dependency going on. you might want to read more about the subject and maybe see a therapist. loving someone is different from not being able to live without someone

 

I completely understand what you're saying of course.
But obviously due to the nature of his behaviour, I've lived without him for approx. 3 years.
So I know that I can survive without him obviously.

 

that's a good thing, but feeling devastated or falling apart still sounds like codependency. it's normal to feel sad after a break up, it just sounds like it's another level from the way you describe it.

having been in an abusive relationship may correlate with codependency issues as well.

reading up on the subject and seeing a therapist may still be a good route to go

 

Thank you , maybe my previous relationship before this one has altered my ability to survive alone. That is Something I'll consider.

 

well, I think you'll be able to survive alone, since, as you've said, you've done that. it's not really about physically surviving though.

I think that codependency is defined as excessive emotional or psychological dependence on a partner. It's not necessarily anything to do with the material or physical act of survival