Hearing Voices

thick headed doesnt mean your stubborn. there is no hard and fast rule to anything you fuck.

anyway, im 100% coming to realise what you guys are saying, and you know i was gonna do acid this weekend but i am way glad i didnt. if i had i wouldnt have gotten near the latino chick. i hooked up with her last night again aswell.
any way things are never so clear cut. sure you can become concerened with your mental health, but your in such an amazing fantasy still and having so much fun, that you go do it, cause its just worth more than anything, more than anything anyone says. snap out of it. iv had fun drinking. so i wont be doin acid for a decent amount of time, plus i gotta geta hard on next weekend. fuckin drugs. if i had a cone id be fine, but im over that.

and you know i gave my other friend some weed that we been gettin, and hes like, i can feel the back of my eyeballs tingeling, and he saw visions in his mouth, his like, man this shit is laced. so there you go.

 

I was listening to Parabola by Tool and i heard a very deep voice saying This Pain Is an Illusion. Ever since then It ry to listen to it but the same voice does not appear. >.<

 

if pain is an illusion than life is an illusion


if life is an illusion than illusion is as real as it gets

 

ime laced herb, it tastes funky, not like nutes but like burning plastic, and its affect if you know what a weed high feels like is very different (depending of course) so if you're an experianced stoner you should be able to discern what's the herb, and what isn't.

im not trying to insult, by thick head i mean the penetration of information takes longer. I do my best to be civil, but it's hard when you're an agro-hippy-redneck that runs everything on a flipflop so that motherfucking ballast hum never goes away. if i really came out and spoke my mind i probubly would have been banned by now and i'd have been hanging around true confessions more.

tweak is bad for you, if you continue to use tweak you are a tweaker, tweakers suck and need to be shot, tweakers also often have lots of VD, circuit boys are cute, but remember no touching, get herpes of the hand from a handshake. If you take too much tweak you can easily go skitzo.

LSD opens doors, if you are having a skitzo tweak out and you opened a door you may have let an unwanted voice in, the best course of action is to purge your skull with a 12 guage.

many people think suicide is bad, I think it's better than using tweak, thinking in the long run you're doing the same thing, only there is no comedown, and it's hella cheaper.

 

the most philisophical question ever asked is whether or not to commit suicide.

 

well the drugs are doing yous great if it makes you think about suicide.
and anyway what the hell i havent done crystal in ages.


its really easy to do alot of acid in a close time frame.
let me explain again for the thick headed.
you dose and your left in the most incredible state, you go home and look at your belongings and things are just incredible. you get carried away way to easy, your making all the discovies, you dose again, it was amazing, you go home again, and look at your belongings and think FARKIN WOW. it gives you the sense that what you are doing is right. each time putting you further in this amazing place, untill you go one to far, and you suffer some mindfuck for some months.

and anyway, hearing voices isnt the sign of going shizo. its a sign that your doing to much drugs.

 

I'm sorry for being a jerk peter, been drinkin again, about all week, ostara put me in that point i think, she's tired of plastic eggs i think. Liquor makes me confrontational and mean and i say pretty brutal things, though looking at past posts of mine it looks like I have been a happier drunk cause i can say meaner things.

I admit that I have a suicide fixation, as much as I want to end right fuckin now, the thought of how bummed it would make my mom overwhealms my mind so I dont, naturaly as her offspring she'll die first, so Ima gonna wait until she goes and then reconsider, for she wont be around to worry, and at that future time I might have had an attitude change. My mom always taught me if you're stupid you dont deserve life, so if i commit suicide i admit I am a stupid person. I was taught no matter the situation, I have this gift known as life and that with this gift i can do what makes me happy, no matter what the man says, I can allways figure out a loophole. I was capable of defending my home with a 16 guage when i was 12. you can drop me from a chopper in the middle of no-where and i'll find food and intoxication. I can make Ayahuasca by harvesting shit out of the wild and rich fucks yards. I make the majority of intoxicating chemicals i ingest. I wish every day I didnt have family to bum out so I can take this .44 I got here and end it. I have had the same hand gun here in mind for 4 years now, almost went there a few times, almost shot myself with a 30 ot 6 but decided that the gun in question was too valuable a family heirloom to use for the smattering of a trippers brains. I wont talk of my two unsuccessfull attempts at terminating my life for I dont want to get riled up and insult family over somthing i do as a result.

I have had a lot of friends in my life, some i still have... lets see here... aint gonna be specific cause it bumms me when i over anaylize it.

2 are dead from Iraq, one used the marines as a way of kicking tweak only to have his hummer vaporized by an rpg, another was killed trying to save his neck by shooting a child covered in grenades only to find that a grenade kills everything in a 15 foot radius (depending upon grenade) and that by shooting a child from 10 feet away covered in 20 grenades you're fucked up the ass with a red hot spickey iron rod.

I know 2 people who have died from tweak overdoses.

childhood friends, all tweakers except maybe 2.

highschool friends, all tweakers except maybe 4 people.

I live in Humboldt, it filled with tweakers.

im a non pnp bathhouse top from the yay area, im a top but i wear a bear bandana on the cruise.

meth cooks give legitimate drug cooks a bad name cause they blow shit up and poison their neighbors with noxtious fumes and toxic seepage.

I HATE tweak!


I LOVE LSD, usta sell the stuff at rave parties and such, have eaten a lot, one of those people who feel thizz is wrong for psytrance, and hold no shame for certain things i have done as a doser. LSD is a prime example in my eyes as a perfect drug on the high power drug scale, clean, no addiction issues, makes you see and feel pretty wild, while still relying upon your feeling at the time to produce a positive or negative effect.

When ever i used to take LSD or magic mushrooms I would always feel after coming down that I could have gone farther into the trip and that needed to take more to see what was beyond the last barrier I hit, I found that with certain chemicals such as Psilocybin that you hit a point of diminishing returns where no matter how much more you eat you never get higher, I haven't hit that point on LSD, I have hit that point on mushies only to use acid to get higher, but never with lucy, no matter how hard you hit er she'd still get you higher, I could be wrong, I imagine if you were to thumbprint and could still manage to maintain comprehension and were to thumbprint again you could get higher.

Some claim that DMT is more powerful than LSD but I do not agree, the common dmt experiance of vaporization produces a short lived trip that rivals some of my hardest LSD experiances within a half an hour, but in my feeling if you were to be able to vape acid you would be in a boat a serious heavy DMT tripper couldnt handle.

i agree, if you are a drug user and start to hear voices it's good enough reason to stop. I started hearin voices in my head a while ago but i know their my own voices so I dont worry about them too much, it's the voices that you cant recognize as your own that really stand as a threat, as a survivalist from upbringing I have been taught to question everything that I have been taught until i can see evidence of it myself in person, this generates a strong sense of self being, a firm holding on what I am, when a voice comes up that I dont recognize it means somthing, it means i (as in "I" I mean the concious me that is talking to you, there are other me's) need to sort things out, as it works for me I ask my other voices for help, which they usualy agree to for they can sense the trouble but cant do anything about it hoping my awake self will notice it.

here is another point, skitzo people dont realize that they are crazy, with the LSD doses of our time few people actualy experiance a dose solid enough to cast them into skitzo land (know a few folks who ate the whole fourway of sunshine thinking 1960ies era 5 bucks wouldn't get em high and ended frying for 3 days off of around 1200 mic's their first time and figured out life since just fine) If you realize you have voices and can figure out which one is your own you are not crazy, you are normal, it just means you need to chill for a while, months even years feel like forever but if you realize how long it took for the ground to form under your feet things link up, if you ralize that the voice inside you isnt correct and is telling you to do that that dont seam right then it is not your voice, you're not crazy, you're crazy when you let someone elses voice control your deal.

Down to the original issue, you had a voice ask you who you are, I gotta say your other voices are stuck on the old ways embedded in your mind and as you experiment with new things the voices in your head that are you but are not fully in line with the experiances of your awake you become hella confused, imagine being dosed with a plethora of mind altering drugs and you dont realize it, I am sure you would be scared, I know I would, maybe your subconcious voices are scared you are going crazy and trying to wake you up to the idea that you're going nuts not realizing that these feelings are the result of a near constant induction of these chems, and that a sease in use will revert things to normal. So maybe the voice in your head is really just trying to get you to chill enough to slow shit down enough for your inner voices to catch up and comprehend what the fuck is going on.

I stopped using psychedelics heavy after a powerful trip where my other selves caught on and told me the set certain rules for myself as to when I can trip, and I follow them as hard as I can and shit hasn't gotten worse, maybe even better (?)

I am not allowed to purchase LSD unless it is a lare quantity for a friend, and am not allowed to consumed unless it is gifted upon me by a trustworthy person.

I am to only consume magical mushrooms if I and only I grew them or if I or a very close trusted friend wild picked them.

I am only allowed to consume DMT that is family produced.

I am supposed to only consume apart from those alcohol and marijuana, I can produce a high quality of both but as life is I only make my own Absinthe, and the herb is growing, it takes a couple months to grow and I cant smoke it green.

No matter the circumstance I am not allowed to touch cocaine, I love the white lady but know my addiction is high enough that if i continue it's use I am fucked. I am not faulting you for liking the speedier drugs, I love em myself, I just worry shit will go bad in the long run for you, which I dont wish upon you at all.

I love you as much as anyone else on here and my mean words are out of drunkeness and worry not contempt. I feel I hit the tripper drugs too fast and have been experiancing after affects that just wont quit that I dont want anyone to have to deal with, life is complicated enough as it is, you need not worry about this matter much more if you have to, the more you think about it the shittier you will feel.

As for this thing known as hallucinogen persisting perception disorder, a doc in oaktown said i have it, i dont wish it upon anyone and as jerry said "the doctor call me crazy, some says I am, some say I aint".

It is here easter sunday, as my following goes it was Ostara a few days go, and as it goes I would normaly have had a blot with kindred a few days ago. I feel the lack of sembule has caused a distortion of thinking so take my words with a grain of salt.

 

Your sig picture is a HPPD generator!!!

And hearing voices when your sober isnt a "bad" thing. People that do alot of LSD experience these stranges phenomenons in everyday sober life. Even if I havent dosed in a week and a half Im still "tripping" in a sense. Extreme case of hppd and that psychedelic thought process is just normal for me now. I sometimes hear voices but they arent as profound as asking a question like "who are you". Its more like random sentences sounding like they are coming from behind me where the light projects from.

 

interesting. i cant think to write much cause i have a hi fever. makes me realise i wouldnt want to do alot of acid to the point of a long lasting mindfuck.

but its not to good to be trippin with some of your thoughts man.

the two worst things in this world is depression and dissociation/depersonalisation.

iv grown up in a pretty nice suburb, with good friends and a nice house. my dads a medical scientist. i have 4 other bros/sister, and they all got problems, one is an alco and tries to kill themselves.

im not depressed. im loving life, and the acid trips are only reasurring how much i love life and the world, and how special it is. im glad its doign that for me.

if i was depressed and doing acid, i dont know. id hate to imagine, tho i hear its those people with depression and other issues that take acid and then go kill themselves. so thats no good at all.


one of my best friends, his brother killed himself with a shotgun to the head, and his sisters a retard. that shit would be hard.
one of my other friends his mum died in a car crash just last year, now he does lots and lots of pills.
iv seen both these guys have shitty trips.

 

i found out why im having troubles suddenly.

all the blame is on fucking pcp the shit crap fuck.
i had some weed with pcp the other week, which leaves me feeling nothing. thats why i was hearing voices, and thats why there is this fucking cloud of shit over my head, that not even acid and excess pills causes. and thats why i cant get it up, and thats why iv been quiet. farkking pcp the dissociatve fucking shit. its done this once before. and thats why i crashed my car the other day. so fark pcp. nothing but terrrible things.

seriously id rather have an acid mind fuck than this dissociative feeling. oh well.
it sucks cause it takes away all your personality like your not there. response feels hard to even pull words out of mouth.
do you think i should do acid in a week or two, hopfully "re-boot" my mind and counteract this shit and give me some clear head again?
or bad idea, cause dissociation can last for months in my expereince

 

it sucks cause i was in such an incredible mindset