Hi everyone, I've been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years and have lived with him for 6 months. Before we lived together we'd have sex about 3 times a week as we only saw each other on weekends. It was amazing it was the best I'd ever had. We experimented and pushed our boundaries. Every night we would sext and when we were together he'd often just bend me over and fuck me. As soon as we moved in together everything sexual stopped. Literally that week, I don't understand it. Since then we have done it maybe once every two weeks. I don't know what to do. I have talked to him about it and he will say we'll have sex but then wont. I've tried initiating it and he will kiss me but then turn it into a hug and go to sleep. I feel resentment towards him as I feel a bit like I was deceived; before we moved in he was so different. He still pushes me against the wall and kisses me hard but then will just leave the room while I'm so turned on. When we have sex it is very half hearted and in the same routine. I've suggested ideas and I bought sexy outfits for him but it hasn't made it better. In fact one time I wore one he only kissed me and I ended up sleeping in my corset! I don't know what to do. I have tried everything - speaking to him, leaving him alone, initiating things, sending dirty texts etc and I now just feel unwanted. He laughed at me like I was an idiot today because I was turned on and let out a small moan when he kissed me. Please help, I feel like I've run out options. I've started fantasising about other guys and I feel awful. Everything else in our relationship is good. I've not put on weight or anything if that's the case.
You need to tell him that sex is important to you in a relationship. If he can't understand that, then I'm afraid he may not be the right guy for you.
My spider senses tell me there is an ulterior motive for the relationship...as is often the case. Best of luck to you!
This is something he obviously does not want to approach in a serious manner. You have got to sit down with him and have an objective conversation. Try not to let your emotions get in the way. Open with something sort of like, "Babe, come here. We need to really talk about something. Our relationship has changed, and I feel very hurt and rejected. I really want to talk about this, seriously. I feel like I want sex more than you do, and I want to know why." Try not to say things like, "You never have sex with me anymore," or "We never do it like we used to." That will put him on the defensive and make him feel guilty. Try not to get too down on yourself right now, hon'. It may be something as simple as stress or wishing you would participate in a certain kink he's too afraid to talk about, or really a myriad other things that have nothing to do with you as a person, as his girl. But I'm telling you from an honest standpoint, the laughing you mentioned sounds very childish. It seems like this is going to take "maximum effort," to quote Deadpool. haha (comic relief?) Don't let him deflect you with promises or bargains. Once you sit down to talk to him about, get to the bottom of it or tell him you need a break from the relationship if he won't tell you (only give him an ultimatum if he absolutely will not give in and be serious. Ultimatums can damage a relationship very seriously, as it implies a lack of trust.). Try to refrain from getting too emotional, again. This is vital. Treat it like a court case rather than an intervention. This is a very big problem in a relationship between two sexual individuals, as it can affect even the smallest of things and cause many hurt feelings, Your worries are totally legitimate, but I wouldn't freak out just yet. There are still things you can do to fix this. Please come back on and let us know how things are going after a time! I am very worried for you. <3 Much love and luck to you both.
There is a relationship dynamic called "mother/whore" that effects married couples and live-ins as well. When you are not living together, you are a "girlfriend" and treated like such. When you move in together, that's like a family and you become a "mother" figure. (Potential mother of his children) You changed from a young woman into the "mother" of the household. And, in a lot of guys eyes, mothers don't have sex (its dirty, you know). (There is a similar situation where the man turns into "father" in the eyes of the woman)
Has anything else changed, and I mean on HIS END? Maybe he hasn't even spoken to you about it, who knows? But it is worth looking into, in terms of stress that might be affecting him without your knowing. I know that my sex drive lately has been close to zero when my girlfriend is in the mood. But I'm under a lot of stress, too. Life is stressful, and because we're in a long distance relationship, that aspect is stressful to me, too. What's more stressful, our "horny" timings(if one would call it that) are totally out of sync due to the time difference(we're in an international relationship). I masturbate like once every week or two weeks to orgasm, and the kicker is, I'm sexually satisfied. I don't know the story with your boyfriend, but all I'm saying is that it is worth looking into what's going on in terms of how stressed out he is, and also how physically healthy he is, too. You can't just look at someone on the surface and say they are healthy. There might be some questionable stuff going on inside him that he himself isn't even aware of. Again, it's hard to say because I don't know him. Just be patient, and don't just judge him based on the fact that his sex drive is low. All the best, ::The AT::
Thanks everyone for your replies. To those who asked about stress etc he has low testosterone but takes injections for it three times a week. I know that this will have an effect on his sex drive but it isn't a new thing, he's had it for years. His test levels are actually a lot higher than an average guy. I asked him about his job and he said he is happy. Ive always taken an interest in his day and I can tell he likes talking about it. Unfortunately it hasn't gotten better. He got an injury to his hip at the beginning of March and I've ended up sleeping in the spare room for the past 4 weeks as he said I was preventing him from turning over. Last night was the first night I slept in the same bed as him but he didn't touch me and turned over when I tried to touch him. We also don't kiss much anymore. I have talked to him about it all and have said that I don't feel like a couple anymore but I'm conscious I will look like I'm nagging him. He is so closed off to me now that I don't know if it's repairable anymore. He has blamed my job as I've started working an hour in the evenings at home. But the real reason I began working is because I couldn't bear the silence all night when he just sits on his phone and ignores me. Since my first post it's gone a bit more downhill as now it's all affection and not just sex. He seems oblivious though to how it is making me feel and thinks everything is fine. I confided in my friend about it and she said that this happens in all relationships, that the honeymoon period is over. But it has only been 18 months?
I think it's time to move on he clearly is not interested in your sexual happiness or anything else. Just be glad you didn't get married. Wish I had found you 35 years ago.
You may have put that first post on a hundred forums or maybe only two or three. If the latter, it took you 7 weeks to come back and reply. Now that alone is enough to give us a fair idea of what is going on with you anyway in regards to this guy 3 times a week before you moved in together is hardly a lot My guess is that if he does put out, its only a matter of days before you are like errr, no thanks until two months later when the horny has built up again....and you expect him just to switch it on and off, which is a pain in the arse for guys
Hi, I'm not sure what you mean? I've just posted it on here no other forums. I stumbled across this one looking for ideas when we were going to have a threesome last year before the problems started. I refreshed the page many times in the first few days but this forum is quite slow to respond and I forgot after a while that I had posted. What does the gap tell you about us, I don't get you? I've never rejected sex from him. I've decided to end things anyway as I'm just not happy. Ive saved up for a deposit for another place and I am going to break it to him this week. I doubt it will be a massive shock. Thanks to everyone for their help. I think I was in denial as it's my longest relationship and I've never lived with a guy before.
Lol, ok You know its just going to look like you dumped him becuase he wouldnt put out. Assuming he isnt a douchebag around everyone else, if he is, youre golden. But if everyone thinks he is a nice guy, you might look like a bit of a hussy
