Hawiian Baby Woodrose Seeds - Trip Report

Okay, I am mainly keeping this for myself. I want to have a record of this tomorrow when things will seem back to normal.

I ate 8 seeds. Even typing this makes me want to vomit again. I did vomit even thought I scraped the white stuff of off the seed. I think my mistake was to eat before I ate the seeds. I thought that was smart, but it really wasn't.

Note to self: Eating 6 is more than enough. Do not eat before eating the seeds. And please don't rationalize that you loved 8 so much that you can't go backwards. 8 was too much. I repeat, too much. Stick to 6. That is, if you plan on doing this again.

Okay, so I ate the seeds around 9. Before I vomitted, things were really bad. I felt sick and lathargic. After vomitting (which see above, I think can be avoided. I know it can - I have done it before. Just don't eat before hand.) I felt much better. Not exactly true. I had to get rid of the taste from my mouth and my nose. Wow, vomitting is bad.

Okay, but once that was done, things got a little better. Again, this is too overwheming. Next time stick to 6.

Today is the 4rth of July. No work. I was supposed to meet up with my sister and her husband. Still can't decide if I am up to it. I think they will be able to tell right away. See, if I did 6 I could hide this much better. I think.

Anyway, I don't want them knowing that I did this. For reasons which I will keep to myself for now.

Either way, today I want to:

Go to a meusem. I have to check if they are open on the Holiday.
Go to Central Park. A lot of cool Eurpeans. Even if they think Americans suck. I will prove them wrong singlehandely. We need more love in the world, that's for sure.

That's my two main ideas. Now, I am pretty sure I don't want to have to hide how I feel or anything for that matter around my sister and her hubby.

It's 10:55. I keep needing to spit. I think I am scared to swallow it becuase of the taste. But the taste isn't there.

Okay, let's move on to the realizations. A plus? I am typing better than I usually type. Much quicker and with less mistakes. The less I think, the better. My fingers seem to know where to go. But when I'm sober, it's not so easy. Note to self: When typing, just let the fingers go. They know what's going on.

Okay, this is what I realized this time.

1057: Firslty, every time I trip, I always wonder how long I will live with these realziations. If they're true, how come I can't live with them on a day to day basis without having to trip again to realize them. They must not be true. But they feel so true.

The human expreice is thus: Intelecaully, we know what is right and wrong. But we are led by our emotions. They keep getting in the way. That's why we can't stick to a diet, or have meaninglful relationships.

Scratch that - of course we can. But it takes a lot of work. And you need to stay open and honest with each other the whole time or else it's all false. I can't understand why people need to talk to other people about they sognificatn other. If you have an issue, why not address it at the source? What's the point of talking to a freind who will only get you fired up?

For some reason, I keep having the taste of the seeds come back. And it always makes me need to spit out my saliva. I can't see this date with my sister working out. Too much to hide and too much to say. She will know somethings up. Heck, we're twins. She probably knows right now. I hope she's not mad. I don't know why I never learn. Acutally, that is only what society says. To me, tripping out is okay. I agree with it wholeheartldkly.

11:03 - Okay, having realized that I am not going to hang out with my sister - see that's messed up. Why do I need to lie to her. I should just call her and explain that I ate seeds that are making me trip and if her and her husband want to be my sitters for the day that would be cool. But it would never work - she thinks pot is bad. Not really. But she thinks acid is bad. I wish I could trip with her. I think it would help her so much.

But I think that about all people I love. The truth is, I don't know what's good for them just like they don't know what's good for me. We are just here to love each other uncondionally.

Why is it that trippers think everyone needs to trip. Maybe we just need it. Other people might not. Maybe we're the weak ones. See, this is the death of the ego. We are wrong. They are right. Tripping is a sign of weakness. We can't deal with reality, so we need to trip. If you are okay with reality, why trip?

But again, what about self exporatiobn? But foroget that - they know what they want to explore. If they are interested they will do it. If not, not. Everyone does what they think is best for them. But it's not really true

Again, we are led by our emotions. We can realitionze what is good and true, but we can't live like that. See, and I thought tripping would get me closer to live with that reality. I'll only know after this is over. UNtil then, it's all theory. And I hate theory. I know what's right, but it doesn't matter.

11:09 - I want to write more, but I know that going outside is so much better. But in the end, at least I'll have this record. And I have all day to go outside. It's hot and humid. But again, I like to complain. The meusme will be nice. But I might get thrown out. Society can't deal with trippers and we cant deal with society. Isn't that nice? Who is going to break the ice?

Back to realziaitons

I need to work on myself. I need to refine my character traits. I am very course. And I am 28. But at least I think about these things. See, the point is like this: at 50, what kind of person will I be? Will I be led by emotions? Again, this is part of the human experiece. And right now, I don't see a way out. But there have been people in the past, right? Great people who have somehow escaped living by being controlled by their emoitions? Or maybe they just did a better job than the rest of us.

Everything is relative.

11:14 - am I wasting the day? I think not. I need to read this stuff so maybe I won't need to trip again. To trip again is a sign if weakness. It means I didn't get it. I had the truth, but couldn't hold on. Then why do it in the first place? It's all so trasitaorry.

But please remember next time to do 6. That's more than enough. How much truth can you handle, anyway? Will this get caught off? I hope not. I hate being cut off. I hate being censored. But that's what happends . We go to our jobs and we are censored. Does anyone really live not cesored? I doubt it. And if you think you are, I would say you are lying to yourself.

Ego death is impossible. We can kid ourselves about it. Man, my tpying sucks tihgt now. 8 SEEDs IS TOO MUCH!!!!

Only 6 next time

LSA? Hi, my name is LSA. I am weak cousin of LSD. You remember her? Can't find her? Sucks for you. You are stuck with my until you can find her. Which is impossible.

11:30 - another wasted day stuck inside? Ni, I am going outsie.

 

I threw up again. Wit is a complete loss of ego. Wow. that was awusoem. worth the epience. I can'yt type. This is too much.

Okay, let's sum up what we've learned -

This is the short long way- you will never get anywhere by tripping. By by ego. Trippining means you are weak. You can't hanlde it. Deal with realzity.

Wow - wow. That's all I can say. But at the same time, none of this is real. It will all be lost tomorro. You can't hold on to the truth for too long. It's impossible. You can just reach it in moments and let it go. It's gone forever.

ego loss - its not possible we are our egos. just let go...

i can learn from everyone arounf me. i need to love everyone arounf m e

but I dont belive that.

I need to love the good p[eople

but I'll bever jbow whi they atre.

by by typing. by by learinf

i shoulf go outside buyt I want this to wear off first. it wont' i am here for at least the whole dat.

 

Wow you were tripping hard. I hate LSA. Hope you feel ok today.

 

Okay, this is what I took from the whole experience:

6 seeds, not 8
You will vomit no matter what
After vomiting, the fun begins. It is even better to force yourself to vomit just to get it out of the way. And prepare by having toothpaste and mouthwash ready.
Don't eat before hand

Realizations:

We're all connected. Everyone to everything. The minute you see yourself as a separate entity from someone or something else, you are missing the point.

I want to make more money so I can support my ex and the kids and a new wife and family.

Time is limited. Make the most of it.

Talk is cheap. Action is key.

Don't hold on to anything. You can't anyway. Everything keeps moving at a constant pace. You need to keep moving as well. If you standing still, you are really going backwards.

Constant motion will lead to peaceful thoughts. If you are always connecting with something and expanding yourself via relationships or knowledge, your mind will be at peace. If you are stuck with the same thoughts and ideas over and over this will make you crazy. The mind needs to be constantly stimulated. And it will be. The only question is with what? I already gave up on TV and the like, but no it's time to replace that with knowledge and positive thinking.

There is no reason that you can't positively influence everyone you meet. Just bring a smile and some good advice. Listen to what they have to say and then respond. We are all in the same boat and we all feed off of each other. There are enough negative people out there. Stay positive. And take advice from others. They can sometimes see your situation more objectively than you can. Stay around positive people. People that you want to emulate. These are your true friends. Stay around people you want to impress with good deeds and knowledge. These are positive influences. Hanging around negative things (people or other influences) only leads to negative consequences.

This world contains both positive and negative forces. It is our duty to stimulate only the positive. We must avoid the negative at all costs. However, if you find yourself in a corner with negative forces, combat it with all your might. Fight it with everything you can. You can bring out the good in it. It's all up to how strong of a fighter you are.

If tripping were a real experience, you would only need to do it once. Once you need to repeat it, you've missed the point.

Don't judge others. It takes way too much energy and brain power. Stick to correcting yourself. That should be the focus of all your energy. You can spend an entire lifetime trying to perfect yourself and not even come close. Having this in mind, there is no reason that you wouldn't spend all your energy and time bettering yourself. It is a life long process that takes all your effort. If you stay on this track, you won't have time for negativity or judging others.

 

I know what you mean. But it's not that bad. Today I'm fine. I did eventually have ego loss, which is always good. But it sucks the next day when you realize your ego is alive and well. It was making me a little crazy because I was somehow convinced that I could make the tripping feelings last forever. I still think I can. But we'll see.



LSA is really okay. It's not LSD, but it is readily available, cheap, and legal.



Of course I would rather LSD, that it's not an option right now.



I want to see how long I last before my next trip. Anything under a month I will consider a failure.


Thanks for the warm wishes!