Having A Compassionate Heart Sucks

No, really. It's always my urge to help people, always has been, and always will. Yeah, I'm a door holder, but I really like to try to make people... better, I guess you could say. So I tend to give advise or figure my actions around how I think I can best help them. But what always sucks is when you can't. What hurts is when they won't listen, or perhaps can't, I don't even know how that psychology works even if I was victim to it myself up until recently. It is so hard to determine that a person is beyond any kind of help I can give them. And it happens more often than I'd care to admit. I hate that. I hate just letting go of it, not trying to help them help themselves. But in order to stay sane, or to maintain any kind of relationship with that person (which will probably be distanced), I have to step back and let them do their own thing, even if it's inflicting harm to themselves on the extreme, and all because I don't know or just can't help, and knowing that I have to drives me insane, too. Even worse is when they use you, as a meager source of entertainment or friendship, because they can't be nice to people themselves

Perhaps it's not even the compassionate thing to do. Perhaps it's better, even though you know they'll take forever, if ever, to figure it out on their own. You just put pressure on them that way, and probably come off as an asshole, too. It still sucks, though... I have a theory: life's a bitch, we're all dicks, and the world is just a gigantic tantric gang bang

Maybe I'll get the hang of just going with it one of these days

 

you'd be the first.

 

no no no, you've got it all wrong! it does suck... but its worth it. life sucks... but then again, its great! im here for ya. ^.^

But then again all of what you wrote i have said many times and agree with. Nobody will listen or they just cant.... that really brings me down. those are the only type of people i have met. I try my best not to be one of them, which for me seems to be very easy. ESPECIALLY in REAL LIFE. its hard for me to give my very best response to things online i rather just talk. the whole text thing makes it hard for me to express everything i wish to say, very time consuming. :/ so i hope i never came off as this way that you describe since we write back and forth and all. (?)

 

All expressions of love are maximal. An expression of love can be simply a smile or a nod and there is no way to calculate how impressive that act may be over time and space in lightening the load of the world. The problem as it is posed speaks of a doubt of the effectiveness of your sincere nature based on the idea that the world is not responding. Love doesn't await effort but invitation. The suns light burns steadily regardless some are cast in shade from time to time and we are temperate creatures eventually warming in the light. Patience brings immediate results.

 

Beyond any kind of help you can give them, hurt themselves in the extreme without you?

Yeah, i hate dogooders like that

 

No offense but when I hear people say things like, "it sucks being compassionate, like when people won't listen to my advice" it just means you think it sucks people won't live their lives the way you believe they should.

I have no doubt you're a compassionate person and your heart is in the right place but I think its important to remember everyone is on their own path in life. Help when you can, withhold judgment when you can't, and always keep in mind people will ultimately make their own decisions and live their own life.

 

Yeah... the question is one of selfishness versus selflessness. Both are needed, to some degree... I guess that's what I'm whining about, and finding the balance between is difficult when I just follow what my regular impulses tend to be

Because, Meliai, you're right, I can't be responsible for everyone and whatever they chose to do with themselves. I need to be first and foremost concerned for myself, and at the same time be kind to others

 

I think that's one of the most important lessons that everyone has to learn in life... that nothing we say or do to anyone can ever get them to do anything. You can tell someone something til you're blue in the face (and half insane) and be totally 100% right, but it really makes no difference often because people are going to do what they want to do.

You can accept that though and still be there for people.

 

Inversely the same is true of ourselves, that no one makes us do anything. If you feel coerced it is because you acquiesced. We can't lay the motive for our own behavior on some else. No the devil nor Dave made you do it.

 

Indeed.

And pretty much sums up why I don't buy into the whole victim mentality.

 

From my perspective (sorry)

You're asking for compassion in this thread. Were you aware? You're looking to receive compassion yourself.

"Having A Compassionate Heart Sucks"

At that, I feel the need to be compassionate to you. Possibly even relate.

Let's use a word cloud to expand!

 

Here are a few others (these word cloud things are pretty cool)

 

I am a compassionate person. I am never out to hurt anyone......but it is not up to me to tell people what to do or give advice, unless they ask me for it.....as to think I know what is better for someone than their own self is kind of egocentric in my opinion.

Also, not everyone likes everyone, or has to.....so just ignore in that situation, I think, is best.

 

Sadly, most people are their own worst enemy.

 

Are there better enemies?

 

Sometimes, unfortuneately, there are, but I would not call them better. I would call them worse.

 

For instance, I go to Cape Cod every year with Stan, as it is a vacation for me, and a baseball tournament for him. I love all of the baseball guys from NY, and btw, they won the championship this year. YAY! .....but some of the guys bring their girlfriends or wives, every year......and I like most of the wives and girlfriends, except for one of them.....She has her own husband there, and he stands around twiddling his thumbs looking angry, as she flirts with everyone.....even said to me one year, I don't know why she is like this.....but she was all over Stan last year. I was upset, as it was like I did not even exist and I was invisible. She could not even say hello to me.. She did the same thing this year, and I had a different attitude....I thought f it....go for it......as I was flirting and having fun with some one else, anyway....and when she saw that, she was all over him. Seems she only wants what she thinks I have....I have no time for people like that, and I never have to like them.

I was so happy when my flirt person kept walking away from her this year......YAY! Finally......

 

Haha, took me a while to realize just how awfully true that is

 

At least it's easy to keep tabs on what they're up to.

 

Tom, the more I read from you, the more I like you. Why aren't you in my world? Compassion is in short supply in my neck of the woods.

I would consider myself an inherently selfish person who's driven to show his heart to everyone he meets. Why? I put it down to being emotional and needy. I'm kind to people out of a desire to be liked, not because of an urge to help them.

You are definitely one up on me in this regard. I say keep doing what you're doing. I don't think we're meant to have it all figured out in order to have a life worth living.