Have not been feeling the best

It's really hard to have a positive attitude and be a happy person when you live with someone who is always negative and never has anything nice or good to say. my mom makes allot of terrible comments to me, awhile back my mom was home sick for a few days now me I like sitting at home at night watching the show mash I think it's funny and it relaxes me my mom said too me I don't know how you can sit here and watch this show everyday if it were me I'd be ready to put a gun to my head. she also said another time mother's day means nothing to me since I don't have a mother. you know your cousin brad is not going to be around forever. or if I'm hanging with my dad or sister she says to me at least one of us is having fun or I have nobody I'm all alone she only says this stuff to me she never talks to my sister or my aunt I can't even handle this anymore. How am I suppose to be this happy person when she is so negative? I have my own metal health issues and she is just bringing me down all the time I'm trying to look forward to things but right now I feel like I have nothing to look forward too and it's because of her. I just need someone to talk too.

 

Normally I'd say to cut that person out of your life. Much harder to do that when it's your parent and you are living with them.

A tricky situation, no doubt. I assume you've talked with her and/or the rest of your family about this?

You could always try something extreme. "Mom, you're making me crazy/suicidal/depressed/whatever. Feel free never to talk to me unless it's, you know, to be a real mom and be loving and supportive." I dunno. Maybe not the best thing to do. A bit of outrage might not be out of line though. She has nobody? You're not nobody, are you? And are you responsible for her having fun? How can she ever expect to have fun if she's always being a miserable harpy?

You can always look forward to not having to put up with her bullshit anymore.

 

I have not talked to my mom about the way I'm feeling. sometimes I feel like I can't talk to her about things she gets so pissed off or lays guilt trips on me. I do talk to the rest of my family about how she treats me. they say she is too controlling and she is and I need move out, I'm on social security and my mom says I can't afford to live on my own and tells me how depressed I would be living on my own and how would I get to the store since I don't drive and walking in the winter time with all the ice and snow. my dad thinks she is trying to freak me out and disgrace me from living on my own

 

Work on completely ignoring what she says. If you argue with her or reply to the stuff she says, don't do it anymore, just ignore her and don't apply meaning to the negative things she is saying.

This takes practice and time, it takes getting in the habit of not letting what she says bother you.

I'm not saying to ignore the fact that it bothers you, if what she is saying makes you feel bad, don't suppress that, but work on not letting it bother you in the first place.

You definitely need to get out of there, ASAP.

 

it's these damn guilt trips what get me is when she says how sad she is and depressed. How am I suppose to ignore that? she is my mother I worry about her. she takes klonopin and when she is upset she takes double that I'm worried I will come home and find her on the floor or something bad. my sisters say I care too much and to not give a shit but that's just not me. I get what your saying though

 

it seems like I walk on egg shells all the damn time. My sister and her boyfriend just got a house they live in Grand Rapids and invited my dad and me to come out for thanksgiving we would drive down get to the bridge and spend the night at the casino then drive the rest of the way. I really want to go sounds like so much fun. but I feel like I can't leave my mom she would lay guilt trips on me how she is all alone and has no one. I don't think she would take the news well about me wanting to go down. it's not like she would be all alone she has her boyfriend. it seems I am always afraid to do stuff I feel I have to ask for permission

 

Jennifer, how old are you?.. if you're passed the age of needing home & Mom, there is no point in both of you making each other so unhappy.. you have a duty to yourself too, & it's manipulative to use things like getting doped up if you're not there.. if your mother has a partner she's not alone.. if you keep the lines of communication open then you're not abandoning her.. children SHOULD leave the nest when they're ready.. otherwise you miss out on learning how to handle the big wide world..

 

ok jen let me have a try and hope i dont hurt fealings i just had a peek at ur pics and to me what you are saying sounds like you have self estem problems which is understandable but not something u should really do i mean fuckit it is what it is.
ok now your mother resents you she does not mean to it is a human feeling she loves u with her whole heart but the resentment is there and she knows it and it hurts her and she does the wrong thing and takes it out on you,it not right but it is how it is,you cant do anything about but be understanding always think ducks back,you have fun wtih your dad keep that good feeling,any who i watch mash every night comes on twice i was stationed in korea in the town that mash was supposed to be set in.sorry im not much help but just open your eyes and look around life is good and soo are ants.

 

why do you think I have self Esteem issues? is it because in some of my photos I said I need to lose weight? I do though, I have lost some weight so I'm working on losing more weight nothing wrong with that. I'm just so tired all time of worrying wondering what kind of mood she will be in when she wakes up or comes home from work. I am going to be 31 in November I shouldn't have to ask for permission to take a trip's with my dad and get all these guilt trips along the way. I was just venting just have not been feeling well and everything is taking it's toll on me.

 

my sister's have said the same thing about me moving out and learning to live on my own. I dunno I get what your saying though

 

Jennifer, I'm sorry you're going through all this.
I don't know what you should do about your mom, it's a tricky situation .
But regarding how you're supposed to stay positive, I would recommend a book. Have you heard about The Secret, by Rhonda Byrne? It's pretty well known. The book I'm recommending is another one written by her, it's called The Power. I'm going through some stuff myself, personal and family issues. And this book has really helped me a lot. You could just give it a try.
You don't even have to buy it, I see you can read the pdf online.
Best wishes

 

thanks for the reply I don't read books I have always have had trouble reading them. I get more frustrated then anything it's not fun or pleasant for me. I wish I could sit down and read a book and really enjoy it but it's not for me allot of times I don't understand what I have read I can read something a 20 times and not have a clue how to understand it

 

Then you can watch the movie The Secret if you haven't. It may not help you at all, but never know. It helped me a lot

 

you sound cool Jennifer. You should give your mom a hug and tell her you love her. Pick a flower for her. She will love it

 

will check out that movie thanks

 

I do hug her all the time and tell her I love her. she seems like the most unhappy person I know

 

is it because of a man? is that why she is sad? your dad perhaps?

 

no she has always been a unhappy person it seems to be getting worse. my dad said when I was little she tried to kill herself twice she says that never happened but I don't know I was a kid I don't remember any of that

 

I love MASH

My dad is similar. It's tough to ignore, but it's all you can do until you can get out.

 

Your mom sounds just like mine.things start looking bad,she starts popping the kpins and xanax.then all hell breaks loose.

When my ex left i moved back to my moms.after 4 months i couldnt deal with it anymore and left.havent been back since.probably talked to her a total of 30 minutes in the last five years.living in my truck was a better situation.shes so bad that she even has me,my 2 brothers and my sister not talking to each other.

Im going through the same thing with my best friend,father figure,brother and business partner. of 20 years.always running me down,making me feel worthless everyday.taking credit for the work i do.its a hard decision ive been trying to avoid but its time to walk away from him too.sux cuz he is one of only a few friends i have.

You need to do the same,dont have to cut all contact like i do,but you gotta walk away.