Have I found the perfect man?

i had to be forced to open up. it was painful, but it got done.

 

Hmmm...

That's what caused me to break up with one of my girlfriends in the past. So...the opposite of your experience.

What made you put up a wall in the first place?

 

abuse, abandonment, a complete lack of affection and the fact that no one wanted to hear me cry. so i stopped crying. kinda stopped feeling everything else, too. i was trapped in my perfect little stronghold. my ex, who i was with for 9 years or so, would often complain that for some reason he never felt like he really get to my heart. he was right. dave, however, had it destroyed one night 3 months into the relationship. he was relentless.

 

Did he mostly ask questions? Gave you his reasons?

I know this is personal but I'm seeing a parallel between what I went through with Beth. Only, she didn't break me. I broke up the relationship.

 

Thats cause guys are lame.

 

yeah, pretty much. my ex tried the same thing but no go, i told him to back off. i knew years before we broke up that i wasn't going to grow old with him. maybe that's why. i never opened up because my ex simply wasn't my mate. i can enjoy myself with just about anyone and feel a great deal of affection for them. but i only have one mate for life. i could tell dave was the one within one night out with him. after that one date, the rest of the time was spent scraping off the guys i'd been having fun with and saying goodbye. it was that fast.

and when, knowing i had HIM, i just let it happen. it was agonizingly painful, but worth it. he wouldn't let up, i can't remember all the words, but i can't remember the feeling of seperateness i used to have, either.

 

That's so beautiful, KC.

 

it really was. so was the lovemaking afterwards. i was totally enslaved.

 

I'm emotionally retarded...ok so it's not that bad but it's close. I have a hard time opening up to people. I sometimes like the ice queen status. But it makes talking to a guy damned difficult.